Sex, 12 year olds and MIL - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 03-14-2010, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my dss is a private guy, unlike my boys, who are very comfortable with there bodies and not shy, he is very private, but now at 12 he is going through puberty faster then his brothers.

Does he go to his father with questions? nope. Me. He asks me everything, and I refuse to sugar coat anything. There is no stork, babies do not get implanted into the belly button by a fairy. kwim?

Anyways I got him a book, "whats going on down there?" and he is reading it. His school has a very basic sex ed class that nowhere near answers the stuff going through this kids head.

He told Grandma about the book, so MIL calls me, ranting that this is something dad should be discussing with him, DH has offered but DSS says he is more comfortable talking to me about it, I guess he sees me as less of a threat? Or maybe just more comfortable with our relationship that he knows I won't laugh at any of his questions. Anyway DH told MIL to pretty much mind her own business.

then she learns about what I told him last week. He asked me when he can/should have sex for the first time. I told him I hope he waits long enough to know how much responsibility comes with the actual act of sex. He says "I think I should wait till I am 18". I said that sounded great.

whoa, you would have thought I told the kid to slaughter goats for sacrifice. MIL yelled at me and told me I should have told him he had to wait until he was married, that it is the law. LOL

Anyway she rubs me the wrong way sometimes. But I kinda think its funny, His dad didn't wait, I didn't wait. I just want him to do it at a healthy time in his life and for it to be a positive experience kwim?

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#2 of 14 Old 03-14-2010, 09:00 PM
 
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Sounds like you have it all under control. Your MIL obviously doesn't understand how teens think if she thinks telling him it's against the law to have sex before marriage will do any good. It also sounds like your DSS is a smart kid.

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#3 of 14 Old 03-14-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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I'm the one who does all of the sex talks in my house, because I need to make sure that my kids know exactly what they need to know, from me, who isn't embarassed and wants them to be as safe as possible. I'm also that mom who will tell other people's kids the same things if they come to me.

Its wonderful that he's so comfortable with you :yep
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#4 of 14 Old 03-14-2010, 09:15 PM
 
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You did well, I think.

I blogged once about how my parents didn't really raise me to wait until marriage, just until I was old enough to understand the very adult responsibilities that came with it. My mom read the blog entry and was aghast--"I'm SURE we told you to wait until you were married."

Um, no. Mom didn't tell me anything (she's prudish/sqeamish--I was 32 before I even heard her use the word "breast" to describe anything other than a piece of chicken, and that was her own early cancer diagnosis)--Dad told me the wait-until-I'm-ready information.

That said, I know my parents didn't wait. My stepdaughter will probably figure out that me and her dad didn't wait, either (seeing as how we were in our 30s and had both been married before when we moved in together, which was years before we actually got married).

(I'm willing to bet a shiny quarter your MIL didn't wait, either.)

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#5 of 14 Old 03-14-2010, 09:20 PM
 
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"I told him I hope he waits long enough to know how much responsibility comes with the actual act of sex. He says "I think I should wait till I am 18". I said that sounded great.

whoa, you would have thought I told the kid to slaughter goats for sacrifice. MIL yelled at me and told me I should have told him he had to wait until he was married, that it is the law."




It sounds like your DH has got your back sufficiently on this one, so I'd just forget your MIL's ranting except when you need a really hilarious anecdote to trot out.

Against the LAW? Awesome. You can't make that stuff up.
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#6 of 14 Old 03-14-2010, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She is pretty against the whole truth thing, she tried telling my dh when he was little that babies came from fairies lol.

I thought it was amusing. She really amazes me sometimes, I am glad I have this place to vent and laugh at her nonsense.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#7 of 14 Old 03-14-2010, 11:05 PM
 
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I just wanted to say congrat's on the catchiest thread title I've ever seen on MDC!

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#8 of 14 Old 03-14-2010, 11:07 PM
 
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You're doing great, mama. For such a private child to be so open with you, you must really set him at ease. That's fabulous.

Diane, SAHM to DD (June 05) and DS (April 07).
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#9 of 14 Old 03-16-2010, 03:37 AM
 
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i think you did a great job
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#10 of 14 Old 03-16-2010, 09:54 AM
 
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He's lucky to have you. I think you did beautifully.

Mama to A 8/05 and S 11/06
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#11 of 14 Old 03-16-2010, 03:01 PM
 
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The law? Dang ... and now there's proof, too. I hope I don't get arrested today.

No one ever talked straight to me about sex, ever, at least until I was already sexually active and in a LTR and started going to places like Planned Parenthood that finally did help set the record straight.

Misguided/incorrect/propaganda information is maybe worse than none at all. I remember all those shock films they showed us about drugs. Marijuana and LSD and Heroin all pretty much were equally evil. Then one day I tried pot. I found out it wasn't anything like what I'd heard, so how bad can LSD be? It's only a "gateway drug" because it destroys the gate of the false facade of propaganda they put up. (Fortunately I never got into cocaine or heroin, but I thank my own good judgment for that not anything I learned in health class)

You're doing the right thing in giving him straight talk.

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" - Dr. Seuss
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#12 of 14 Old 03-16-2010, 04:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaesun's Dad View Post

Misguided/incorrect/propaganda information is maybe worse than none at all. I remember all those shock films they showed us about drugs. Marijuana and LSD and Heroin all pretty much were equally evil. Then one day I tried pot. I found out it wasn't anything like what I'd heard, so how bad can LSD be? It's only a "gateway drug" because it destroys the gate of the false facade of propaganda they put up. (Fortunately I never got into cocaine or heroin, but I thank my own good judgment for that not anything I learned in health class)
Ditto this (and I had similar experiences with marijuana and LSD). It's also why some kids who are not being given correct information about contraception and STD prevention end up engaging in much riskier behavior--i.e. "if condoms fail all the time, what's the point?" Or, "virginity = not having penis-in-vagina intercourse, so oral and anal sex will help me preserve my virginity."

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#13 of 14 Old 03-30-2010, 02:09 PM
 
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Personally, I *do* teach my kids to wait until marriage, BUT those are *my* kids and I get to teach them what I believe is right. Your MIL had a chance to teach her son what she believed was right, and now it's your turn and your DH's turn, and she needs to not interfere.

Good for your DH telling her to butt out! In the future, if she pesters you, I think you should tell her, "This is what your son and I have agreed to do. If you have a problem with it, talk to him." (And then hopefully your DH will keep telling her too bad, so sad, none of your business. LOL.)

Michelle, Christian , sahm, homeschooling , breastfeeding , no vax, blogging , photographer mom with ADD and Social Anxiety Disorder Mom to 4 boys, 3 girls.
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#14 of 14 Old 03-30-2010, 02:13 PM
 
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[QUOTE=mama2toomany;15184384]MIL yelled at me and told me I should have told him he had to wait until he was married, that it is the law. LOL

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