Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: surrounded by testosterone
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Go ahead and try, with the mediation and/or petition for stricter guidelines through the court. But in my experience, a parent who undermines the other parent and who's more concerned with being the favorite parent than with guiding and protecting the child is not going to change her behavior because of new court orders or mediation agreements.
Putting specifics in writing is good when divorced parents see more or less eye-to-eye and want to work together for their child's good, but occasionally they may need to review what exactly they agreed to do. But in your case, the ex-wife seems to strongly disagree with (or at least to disregard) your husband's parenting instincts and you guys seem to hope a mediator or judge can show/convince/threaten her that your husband's approach is really best. But how would orders with specifics about phone contact and internet access be enforced? What would the penalty be, for violating those orders? If Mom violates them, but denies it, how would you prove that to a court, when you're not at Mom's house with your SD?
If a child is being endangered and the NCP is facilitating or encouraging it, or even just turning a blind eye and failing to care for or protect the child, then that child might need to have supervised visitation with that parent. I know that sounds harsh, but it would be effective in your situation. I just can't see how revised court orders would be. Like a PP pointed out, a 14-year-old having sexualized contact with a 22-year-old is against the law. It might not be so hard to get a judge to agree to supervised visits, for the time being.
Another PP said your SD's phone and internet access shouldn't be restricted or monitored. What?? A 14-year-old girl may WANT to believe she's a woman with rights to privacy, but she's not. She's more vulnerable, hormonal and impulsive than a grown woman. She's also at a critical crossroads in her life, where boys, sex, emotions, drugs and alchohol can distract her from the academics and personal development which would help her to become a confident, capable, stable woman. She can easily enter a path now which leads to teen pregnancy, fewer opportunities in adult life and a tragic vision of herself as primarily a sex object. She may WANT independence, but she NEEDS careful guidance from loving parents who will set limits that protect her; parents who are strong enough to swallow her anger and resentment about it. She will have a right to unfettered phone and internet access - and to date whomever she wishes - when she is a self-supporting adult. Until then, her parents are legally and morally responsible for her and therefore they have the right - and the responsibility - to know what's on her phone, on her computer and in her room.
One woman in a house full of men: my soul mate:
... twin sons:
(HS seniors) ... step-son:
(a sophomore) ... our little man:
(a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all