Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: surrounded by testosterone
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Idle curiosity - wanting to "get to know her" - is a poor reason to violate her privacy with a b/g check.
I'm not criticizing, mind you! I know well the itch to seek answers to inexplicable questions: What in her background explains how she can stand to spend so much time away from her kids? How could she have wanted to leave my wonderful husband/fiance? Or, what is it that caused him to leave her? Is there something about this woman's messed-up connection with her children that I should try to fix? But that's not your job and you're not going to adequately satisfy the question what makes her tick by getting her criminal history, past addresses and known associates.
Court is a whole different matter. If you anticipate a custody battle and you're confident the girls are better-off with your fiance, then you should absolutely arm yourselves with any and all pertinent information, as well as prepare to explain or defend any accusations she might make about him and his background. It might be reasonable to do a B/G check on both of them. But custody would be his battle. It can be extremely time-consuming, so it's great if you're willing to help him with research, etc. But nothing you do should be independent of him, or initiated without discussion with him.
And, no, you don't want a B/G check used in court to indicate that you sought it. Even if you actually make the time to sit in front of the computer on your fiance's behalf, use his name, credit card, etc. You don't want to look like you're plotting against his ex before you've even married him. The court will expect a certain level of hostility between parents fighting for custody. But if you appear hostile and aggressive toward the mother, it will make a judge wonder whether the girls receive negative messages about their mother, when they're at their Dad's house.
Is a private investigator significantly more expensive than those internet sites - I mean, if you're only interested in a routine B/G check, not having the ex followed and photographed? With a web site, there's no guarantee what you're going to get for your money. With a P/I, at least there's a human being to confront, if you're disappointed with the extent of information you receive. Also, depending on what you want to know, you should check what info. you can get simply through public information. Arrest records, police reports, Protective Order requests, etc. are matters of public record. In some jurisdictions, you can get such things online.
One woman in a house full of men: my soul mate:
... twin sons:
(HS seniors) ... step-son:
(a sophomore) ... our little man:
(a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all