Mothering Forum banner

Do you and non custodial parent share carseats?

4K views 14 replies 14 participants last post by  ece602 
#1 ·
Today DH's ex brought DSDs home and the little one was soaked in pee from the waist to the knees as well as the car seat being soaked in pee. She thought it wasn't a big deal, wash the car seat. We think it is, she shouldn't have peed all the way through her pants to soak the car seat.

Now we want to tell her she needs to provided her own car seats for the SDs since we currently share them and if she isn't going to take care of the ones we bought, she should have her own.

So is this reasonable to ask?
 
#2 ·
It's reasonable to ask not only for that reason, but eachtime a carseat is removed and reinstalled, you have a chance of it not being installed properly.

It's annoying to have to keep switching too, IMO.

DS's dad and I each had our own seat for ds once we could afford it. Eventually, when his dad and I moved out of the apartment we shared, we each had one, and so did grandma, who watched ds when I had to go back to work ft.

My DS has peed straight through and soaked his seat on more than one occasion, so while a PITA and a bummer, I have to agree that it's not a "big deal". Comes with the territory of having a kid.
 
#3 ·
DS's dad and I shared a car seat, basically because DS never went anywhere with his dad alone. However there were many many times the carseat needed washing due to pee, spills, messes etc. It just goes with having kids.

So if you want seperate seats thats fine but don't make it about the pee.
 
#4 ·
yes, we have always had separate carseats-although I think that dp and dsd's mom always had one in each of their cars while they were together too. Is there any reason why she doesn't have her own (i.e. can't afford it, sees them so rarely as to be not worth it, etc.?)

I would just not want to switch them for the safetly factor of risking the install every time you take them in and out.
 
#6 ·
We've never had that problem before of the kids peeing and it soaking their pants and carseat before. Not any big spills either, guess we've gotten lucky so far


The safty issue is important too as the older one got a new car seat and DH put it in for her and explained how it worked.

She sees them once a month right now because of where she lives but she wants to move closer to the kids. She could afford them if she wanted to buy them a carseat, she just doesn't want to. Will probably be a hassle if/when we do ask her to provide her own.

Thanks everyone!
 
#8 ·
I leave my 4 yr old ds's carseat when I take the boys to their dads house because he has never bought one. I have never had a problem with it coming back drenched or peed upon however. If that did happen, I would probably let their dad keep that one and get myself a new one. Some battles just arent worth it
 
#9 ·
Separate carseats, always. (Toward the end of SD's harnessed days, I even had a car seat in my car for her. Now, we keep a booster in her dad's car and one floats--it's in my car when needed, carpool, etc.) It would have been too much of a mess to try to trade them back and forth.
 
#10 ·
We're very long distance, so it's different for us. But, for a long time, when DH would fly across the country to see the kids, he'd have to travel with a carseat so as not to borrow hers. In fact, for a while, even when he flew out just to put them on a plane and bring them here, he'd have to rent a car to pick them up (saving her a 15-minute drive to the airport), and had to bring a carseat, since the rental car places often don't have any you'd want to use. So yes, very separate carseats. I always felt it was silly in our case to have to do that, but what do I know. Things got a bit better over time and now each household provides a seat (well, we always did, now she does too) if the other party has traveled to be there.

In your case, how often to you swap the seat? Once they're in boosters the install isn't a problem, but boosters are so cheap it might not matter anymore.
 
#11 ·
We have four sets of carseats


My ex has a set (carseat for two year old, booster for seven year old), I have one, my gf has one, and my mother has one.

Less because anyone minds sharing (we don't) and more because it's a pain to install the carseat!
 
#12 ·
In answer to your main question...maybe not. I understand the frustration, but I'm sure it wasn't the ex's intention/desire that the car seat get soaked, either. Things happen. I'm sure if this were typical, you would have said so. I also assume you're more concerned about whether the kid's diaper gets changed as often as it should when she's away from home, than about having to wash the car seat pads this one time. Lashing out and telling the ex she needs to buy her own car seat isn't going to make her a more responsible parent, if in fact she does ignore the girl's diapers.

It's fine, if people want to have a different car seat for each car their kid rides in frequently. Personally, I've never understood it. Who's using the car seat in your car, while your kid's riding in the one in Grandma's car? Are car seats really so hard to remove? I think switching our big, clunky stroller around is more of a pain. If the ex prefers to use the car seats you've already bought, I don't think it's such a big deal. If it were snowy and you had snow boots for the kids, but Mom didn't, wouldn't you just send them with the girls when she picked them up, instead of making a point that Mom had to buy her own?

In answer to your overall question: "Do you share car seats with the NCP?" - That makes me laugh (now). My twins are almost 15. Car seat laws have gotten much stricter, since they rode in them. Once they grew out of the infant seats, my ex thought booster seats were ridiculous. I used to dutifully take the twins' boosters out of my car and pass them along each time he picked them up. After one visit, I caught him pulling them out of his trunk before walking them up to my door (the booster seats, not the kids)! He didn't have the guts to tell me he refused to use them, he just pretended, so I wouldn't nag. Later, I learned he let the kids ride in the back of his GMC Jimmy just like our parents used to do with station wagons in the 70's, before people used seat belts! I was so angry, then! But he and his wife just had their first child (so, his 2nd parenting experience). I cannot imagine for a minute that he would consider not using booster seats and seat belts for THIS kid!!
 
#13 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by jstpmm View Post
Today DH's ex brought DSDs home and the little one was soaked in pee from the waist to the knees as well as the car seat being soaked in pee. She thought it wasn't a big deal, wash the car seat. We think it is, she shouldn't have peed all the way through her pants to soak the car seat.

Now we want to tell her she needs to provided her own car seats for the SDs since we currently share them and if she isn't going to take care of the ones we bought, she should have her own.

So is this reasonable to ask?

Regardless of the pee issue, I think carseats shouldn't be moved from the vehicle. The owner of the car(s) should have sufficient number/size carseats for any and all children riding in their car. My mother sometimes comes to town in her vehicle. She has purchased a carseat for each of my children to be used in her car. The seats stay in her car. The carseats we bought for my van stay in my van.
 
#14 ·
We each have our own carseats, but there have been occasions when we have borrowed mom's or mom has borrowed ours. It's true that we don't need it when my daughter is with mom, and that she has to ride in it to get where she is going, but it's just a pain to take them in and out.

We live a plane ride away now, and my husband sometimes travels with her booster and sometimes borrows mom's. Sometimes he even leaves our booster at mom's in between times so he doesn't have to carry it back and forth.

For us it's not an issue of "should" but an issue of "want to." We just do what is most convenient.
 
#15 ·
We all have 3. It is too difficult to change out three carseats/boosters every time they switch. I have 3, DP has 3, DSCs mom has three and DSC step dad shares a car with DSC's mom. Moving 2 boosters and a harnessed one is WAYY too much work. Plus we get a call, about once a month, at the last minute saying please pick up DSC which would be impossible without the carseats. Just my 2 cents.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top