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Substitute parenting?

1K views 3 replies 4 participants last post by  SoulCakes 
#1 ·
Mom moves away, to try to get kid away from Dad. Things escalate and Dad is given custody. Child support is waived so Mom can visit often, but she visits only rarely. This could possibly be due to economic hardship, but most outward signs point to choice. ?? Twice, she tells kid she's moving back, but doesn't. This may be due to difficulty finding "the right" job here, or it could be due to more glamorous life and new boyfriend, where Mom currently lives.

Mom and new BF volunteer as mentors with Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

Does that strike you as a commendably healthy way to take grief over missing one's child and redirect it into "giving back" and helping other children? Or, does it seem like a vaguely hostile message to the kid: Mom's not going to rearrange her life to come back and live near you. Instead, she's going to make herself feel somewhat better by spending time with a different kid, since you're not around.

Honestly, I can't decide which one I think. I always wonder what I'd do in her shoes. But volunteering like this never crossed my mind.
 
#2 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeannine View Post
Honestly, I can't decide which one I think. I always wonder what I'd do in her shoes. But volunteering like this never crossed my mind.
The reason you can't figure it out is because you are a logical person, and as such are trying to impose logic somewhere that it doesn't exist. At least that is the conclusion I came to long ago... I can never quite make all the pieces fit because the rules that govern my world (logic, cause and effect, predictibility, etc) are not the ones that govern her world.
 
#4 ·
It could also be something completely different: boyfriend wanted to sign up, say, so she went along with it. Maybe for her there's no deeper meaning.

I would find it annoying, myself. Then again maybe she's good at weekly or monthly interactions with kids that aren't her own, but not so good at the real-life of demands of parenthood. In that case I guess it's commendable for her to do her best and give what she can, even if she comes up short elsewhere.
 
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