Our agreement says I'm responsible for homeschooling, and that each parent is responsible for transporting to activities and accommodating those activities as the kids grow.
As to neglect, it's really borderline -- dcyf has been involved but decided it was ok in the end, but we're talking about supervision issues in which three separate times, three separate children 2 and under in their house were found in or across the street they live on (which is a 55-mile an hour country highway). The last time their 2yo wandered to the neighbor's house across the street in the snowy winter, unnoticed until their stepmother came home and asked where he was (dad was playing video games in his bedroom). Inground pool left unlocked with (at the time) 5 children under the age of 8. Things like that.
Mine are 6, 8, and 10 now, so I've enrolled them in swim lessons and taught them safety things, and worry less about their physical well being because they're no longer tiny. My only fear is if one of their siblings (3 under 4) fall into the pool and one of mine tries to save them (deep end is 12 feet).
Winter and summer, they leave the kids in the car while they go into the grocery store, bank, to visit friends, attorneys, taxes, whatever errands must be done. For a while, my 7yo was supervising a 5, 3, 2, and 1 yo in the van. Now, he's 8, and while it still happens a fair amount, I've made enough stink about leaving the kids in a hot or cold car unsupervised that they do it less often and for shorter periods of time, from what I understand.
It's their emotional happiness I worry about, and their general satisfaction when they become adults and look back on their lives. I used to worry constantly about their safety, but it was never quite bad enough that anyone would intervene from a legal perspective. I fear that less and less as they get older; I worry sometimes a serious illness will go unnoticed, but they're only there 2 nights/3 days at a time, and it's unlikely they'd be that sick that I couldn't pick it up in the touchpoint.
Thanks for responding. I'm just so frustrated and sad today, and having dd miss yet ANOTHER chorus/band concert last night really set me off.