Originally Posted by mandib50
it is puzzling for sure, i don't get it at all either.
Unfortunately, I do
get it, but it's part of really yucky dynamics that are like fingernails on a chalkboard to me and that I wish my step-son weren't exposed to.
The grandparents used to send my step-son e-mails claiming they'd called (when there was no record of them calling - or any missed calls - on caller i.d.) and that my husband or I had answered, but hung up on them.
My step-son has owned a cell phone since he was 6. When he was younger, my husband had a rule that he could only call or answer calls
from numbers that were programmed into his phone (not unknown #s). So the grandparents gave us one number to program into his phone, but then always called him from other
numbers. Like, even though they have cell phones, they would call from land lines at places they were visiting. That was another way for them to complain that my husband "kept V. from talking to them".
They'll ruin the surprise and tell my step-son whatever exciting gift they've bought for his birthday, only to follow up with, "Too bad we can't send it to you!" Then they'll tell him his Mom sent him some neat thing, but it "disappeared" (i.e., my husband or I "intercepted" it and wouldn't let him have it) and they don't want the same thing to happen to their
wonderful gift, so he'll just have to wait and play with it "at home", in California.Actually
talking to my step-son, or visiting him, or even sending him a gift on his birthday takes a MAJOR back seat to trying to create the impression
that my husband is some evil guy, maliciously blocking my step-son's relationships with the people who "really
This latest thing is no different. If you're coming into town and genuinely
have such a packed schedule that you don't have an hour to come and take your grandchild out for a milkshake, why would you tell your grandchild you're in town
? Just keep it to yourself. It's not like we know anyone they might know, out here. We'd never know they were around, except that they made a point of writing my step-son and telling him. And he's very clear, from all the prior indoctrination he's received, that they "can't" visit him, if he's with his Dad, because his Dad's "bad" and "dangerous".
Y-U-C-K! ! !
I hope living with us keeps my step-son from copying some of these patterns, in his adult life. Because they've led to a lot of heartache, for his Mom.