Kids in wedding - Mothering Forums
Blended and Step Family Parenting > Kids in wedding
pomplemoose's Avatar pomplemoose 02:52 PM 06-20-2010
I haven't been on too much but as we got in engaged in april and im starting to think about wedding planning, im wondering the best place for the kids in the wedding. When we get married DSD will be 9 and DSS will be 7. i was thinking they could be jr bridesmaid/groomsman but unless there's a lot of growing up this year they cant stand still that long lol! i think that its too old for flower girl and ring barer and we're going to have them light the unity candle with us.

What other jobs could they do without heavy supervision?

pinksprklybarefoot 03:05 PM 06-20-2010

DS was the ring bearer (18 mo) and DSD's sister was a junior bridesmaid (12 yrs old) - she carried DS down the aisle. DSD was the flower girl (5 yrs) and walked down the aisle with my brother, who was an "usher" (5 yrs), more like an assistant usher in reality. None of the kids stood up there with us - they just walked down the aisle.

Kids can do all sorts of things in weddings. Do you want them in the wedding party, or do you just want them to have some sort of responsibility?
ProtoLawyer's Avatar ProtoLawyer 04:51 PM 06-20-2010
My stepdaughter (7) was our "ring girl," but we didn't have an aisle or anything (we got married in the party room at a pizza place) so she just held the rings (in their jeweler boxes) and gave them to us when it was time. No real supervision required (she was seated at a table so she couldn't leave the rings in the bathroom or anything). We also included her in the ceremony (made a family vow and gave her a necklace).
jstpmm's Avatar jstpmm 04:08 AM 06-21-2010
We just got married. We included the kids by doing a sand ceremony near the end and then they just stayed up at the front with us. It was really nice!
MaerynPearl's Avatar MaerynPearl 05:23 PM 06-21-2010
We just got married as well... and included the kids. Our ceremony was just the two of us, a best man (DHs brother), Maid of Honor (my sister) and the kids. We matched the kids outfits to us... and did not give them an actual title for the wedding. They were the most important people there (well you know other than myself and DH lol)

We did a sand ceremony with them... and otherwise had them standing right next to us at the altar, between us and the guests:

Really... its all up to YOU and what you want to do. Its your wedding, you decide.

BTW my kids are 7 and almost-5 so neither stand still very well either. Their reactions to every part of the wedding made the whole thing so much more enjoyable for our guests (I cannot wait to get our pics back, during our kiss one photographer got a great shot of DS turning his head like "EWW" lol)
AnnieA's Avatar AnnieA 11:23 AM 06-22-2010
When we got married, DSS 15, who was 12 at the time, played the Wedding March on his trumpet as DSD 12, then 9, and DSD 11, then 8, walked me down the isle as my bridesmaids. DSS 9, then 6, stood by DH up front while we walked down. DSD 12 played a solo piece on the piano during the ceremony and we included them in our vows. DSS 6 kept trying to talk to me during the ceremony so I had to keep asking him to wait until we were done but that just adds to the memories. The whole ceremony took about 15 minutes so there wasn't a lot of standing around. Getting pics afterward made them a little stir crazy but it was fine.
RaeEllen's Avatar RaeEllen 03:37 PM 06-22-2010
This may be totally a given in your situation, but I just want to put out there that you want to consider if they even want to be in the wedding. I have to say, I am always made uncomfortable by ceremonial aspects that include step-kids (blending ceremonies, promise necklaces, etc) I realize that this is /me/ being uncomfortable, and it may be a wonderful thing for someone else's situation, but I'm just very aware of the fact that it was the adults who chose to get married. The kids may be anywhere from extremely unhappy, conflicted, feeling that they have to act happy when in reality they are scared or stressed. Any of the above.

I know for us, our wedding was the low point of my relationship with DSS. He really began to breakdown after our engagement and had a very difficult time the day of the wedding. It's been a steady improvement since then (very quick improvement actually, once he saw that his relationship with his dad was very much still intact).

However, the experience has just left me very empathtic to the mixed feelings kids may have about their parent's weddings.
pomplemoose's Avatar pomplemoose 06:35 PM 06-22-2010
Thanks for all the suggestions! as far as them wanting to be in the wedding i know they would feel totally rejected if they weren't included in some manner, although i may just have them help with the guests instead of doing a sand ceremony or unity candle with them, its still in the early works i just dont want them to be left out. Its my first wedding in my DFs second obviously it will be different with his kids there but we'll see how it ends up working out. they'd probably be better off helping seat guests or hand out programs.