Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: okanagan, bc canada... heavenly
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for me in similar situations i have simply laid down the law, and that is not just the law of our home, but the law of the land. people who are not babies dont get to throw tantrums, scream for the people they want, scream for anything other than being grossly injured, exhibit immature behaviour. these things land you right in "jail" just like the real world. in our little worlds of school and home this boils down to time out.
until they are ready to comport themselves in ways that are acceptable to general society. we dont yell or punish, it is a matter of discipline and not ever letting the child become in control of any given situation. they are too little to control things, that is where we as adults have to step in and make rules and guidelines for our children to follow. i do belive that children are people, but they are not adults in anyway and are not our equals simply because they only have four or five years of life experience, not the 20-infinity that adults have. they are people, but they are "grown ups in training"
i am an attachment parent, i dont yell or cuss out my kids or step kids, i NEVER spank or demean any children in anyway, but i do make it clear that they are not adults and that they have to follow rules just like adults do. they are rather different, but a lot of them are the same.
i have used examples with them, as they got older, of mirroring their behaviour and showing them just how silly they look behaving that way. for the most part this has been successful with them and involved very few time outs. i use the explanation that if everyone acted the way they are acting, chaos would ensue and the police would be called and any grown ups acting that way would be taken to jail.
i am leary of therapy for children, i think it removes the parents from the correcting behaviour loop and leaves a stranger in charge of how they think the child could be "fixed". children dont need fixing they need definine rules to follow, and consequences for their behaviours. at four or five they are way old enough to take responsibility for their behaviour.
i think that a lot of people mix up punishment with discipline, two very different things. i dont often punish my kids but i do discipline them daily... i want them to model our good behavioursand societies acceptable ones too. i think that when they are old enough to attend pre-school, public school etc, they are ready to work through and with societal norms.
angery outbursts and tantrums and screaming for the other parent when separated imo are tactic kids use to see how far you are willing to go to accomodate their whims and antics. in the real world those actions are not accepted, and people who exhibit them do go to jail they are not accepted as member of society. kids of a school age can understand that.
imo she is using anger because it is working and getting everyone in an uproar over her...and what more does a kid want than to be the center of all the attention.