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DSS's cell phone bill was over $900

6K views 77 replies 48 participants last post by  ~PurityLake~ 
#1 ·
I opened our Verizon bill yesterday and almost had kittens when I saw the amount due was over $1000.

DSS (age 16) has a line on our family plan, and last month he and his mom went to Mexico. While there, he was able to still use his cell phone and the resultant fees are over $900.

My husband thinks that we shouldn't say anything to DSS because "it would make him feel bad". I say that when you impact the entire household to the tune of almost $1000, you should feel a little bad.

I know that DSS didn't do it on purpose, and we (DH and I) did not think to specifically say to him "Do not use your cell phone in Mexico". But I still feel like he should take some responsiblity.

The money to pay this bill has to come out of our family vacation fund (because that is our most readily available fund to draw from), which means that none of us will be going on vacation this summer. So I don't know how DH plans to explain to DSS why we aren't going on vacation.

I don't know what to do. I know that we can't ask him to pay any of the bill because he has no job, and no opportunity to get a job (he lives at his mom's during the week, and they live so far out in the boonies that he can't even bike to a job safely - even if he could find something out there.) I suggested to my DH that DSS do chores around the house as a form of payment, and my husband didn't think that was a good idea - for whatever reason. I was so annoyed by this point that I let it go.

Any advice or ideas from you mommas (or dads)?

UPDATE:

Thanks for all of your input.

I want to be really clear that when I said "he should feel bad", what I meant was not that his dad and I should lay all the blame on him and tell him he is responsible for the family vacation not taking place. What I meant - and should have said - was more along the line of I know that I feel bad for not specifically telling him not to use the phone while in Mexico. I made a bad assumption that since we do not have international calling on our cell plans that his phone wouldn't even work there, so for me it was a non issue. I feel bad now, and I've learned a lesson. That feeling of regret is not a terrible thing for a young person to experience and I think it leaves a lasting impression. I know now that in the future I have to remind him of things like this. Could I quietly pay this bill and then put our vacation expenses on a credit card so that DSS never knows? Sure. But that is not how we handle our finances. If we have the cash to pay for something necessary (and paying bills in full, on time is a priority to us), then sacrifices have to be made to do that. I don't intend to say "we aren't going on vacation BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU BAD, BAD CHILD!!!", but he will wonder why we aren't taking our trip now (we've been talking about it, it wasn't a surprise), and I think it's just as important for him to understand that there are consequences to all our actions: even unintended, accidental, innocent mistakes.

I also made a bad judgement call because I assumed that he would know not to use the phone in a foreign country. His mom and dad both travel internationally and he knows that he should not call them on their cell phones when they are out of the country. And last year when he was on vacation in the Bahamas with his mom, she took his cell phone away from him (he was still on her plan at that time) and told him he couldn't use it because it would cost more money. I know this because he complained about it at the time.

My DH and I did not call him or text him in Mexico. First, because that is special time for him and his mom and we don't usually talk with him when they are on vacation. Also, because we didn't think the phone would work. And he did not call or text us, because if he did, we would have told him to STOP using the phone immediately.

Finally, out of $900 in fees, $11.99 was voice charges and the rest were text messages/roaming. Every text message sent and rec'd cost $.50, and he sent and rec'd almost 2000 (according to Verizon, I didn't count all of them).

I did call Verizon - you can bet that was the first call I made!! I've called them a couple times and I get the same anwer each time: those are charges that Mexico bills to Verizon, and then Verizon passes on to consumers, and therefore, they won't/can't reduce them. I can't get a straight answer about whether or not they send out a text message when you enter another country.
 
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#52 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post
I just think it's weird that everyone wants to punish the kid for not knowing, but no one questions the adults who didn't seem to think about it either...till they got the bill. If grown ups can space on that one, why not a kid?
I don't think anyone wants to see him punished. I think the general consensus is that he needs to be informed of what happened because this is a huge learning lesson for someone about to be an adult. In a couple years, he won't have the safety of parents who also goofed ignorantly. He will have to pay the bill no matter what he did or didn't know. If he has the knowledge ahead of time to double check contracts for international use, this shouldn't happen again.

He does need to understand what happened. Not to feel guilty, not to be punished... but because if he doesn't understand then he won't learn and it might happen again. I think the parents would be doing a huge disservice to him to allow that to happen again. Whether they decide he needs to pick up some extra chores or HE decides he wants to help out a bit because he feels bad for the mistake is a separate issue from his knowing about the situation at all.
 
#54 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by caedmyn View Post
Even if he wasn't aware of the difference in fees, he's getting quite close to being an adult (in age at least), and when you're an adult, it doesn't really matter if you knew about something like extra fees...you're still responsible for them. .
Yep.

You still have to pay, even though you didn't know. He should help pay, even if its just $100 or something. It isn't unfair, it is how the world works. 16 is not a child.

And if there was a text sent by Verizon, he needs to pay more!
 
#55 ·
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Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot View Post
I agree with this exactly. I just can't picture a 16 yo having any clue that cell rates are different in a foreign country.
My 16 and 13 year olds are very well aware indeed that cell rates are different in foreign countries. Of course, they pay their own cell phone bills, so they actually care about it.
 
#56 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by emelsea View Post
I also made a bad judgement call because I assumed that he would know not to use the phone in a foreign country. His mom and dad both travel internationally and he knows that he should not call them on their cell phones when they are out of the country. And last year when he was on vacation in the Bahamas with his mom, she took his cell phone away from him (he was still on her plan at that time) and told him he couldn't use it because it would cost more money. I know this because he complained about it at the time.

My DH and I did not call him or text him in Mexico. First, because that is special time for him and his mom and we don't usually talk with him when they are on vacation. Also, because we didn't think the phone would work. And he did not call or text us, because if he did, we would have told him to STOP using the phone immediately.

Finally, out of $900 in fees, $11.99 was voice charges and the rest were text messages/roaming. Every text message sent and rec'd cost $.50, and he sent and rec'd almost 2000 (according to Verizon, I didn't count all of them).
To me, the above information changes everything! He knew better than to call his parents when they travel internationally because he knew the rates would change. He remembered complaining when his mom took away his phone the last time HE traveled internationally in order to avoid extra charges. And he knew better than to contact you. And he sent 2000 texts (!!!!!). All of that means he knew enough to know better. He may not have known it was $900 worth of extra, but he knew it was extra and he knew all his parents had a history of working to avoid that extra. And he did it anyway.

Regardless of whether or not you could/should have reminded him of all this (and maybe you should have), he clearly had experience with how the phone situation worked.

Does that mean he should be punished? I don't see why the word "punish" is even part of the conversation. You have acknowledged your own part in the situation - you aren't heaping all of it on him. He needs to acknowledge his responsibility and the natural consequences of his own actions, and he should take an active part in remedying said consequences along with you. That's part of learning to be a successful adult. It's not about shaming/guilting/punishing/(insert other non-PC term here) him - it's about acknowledging the impact that his actions have on the people around him.
 
#57 ·
That's really crappy that they wouldn't take off the fees. 9 years ago i got slammed with a huge bill from them for the home phone because I was using a calling card and I didnt know there was a $7 connection charge whenever I called internationally. thankfully they took off all the connection fees, I had no idea. sometimes I would call my friend just to leave a voice mail for crying out loud.
 
#58 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot View Post
How many years ago was that? When I had my first cell phone at 18, I knew these things, too, but roaming charges were more common. At this point in time, most people are on pretty big networks and pay no roaming/long distance. Ten years ago? Different story.

Kids today also use their phones more during daily life - it is more integrated. When I was that young, having a cell phone was a big deal, each minute was expensive and we were very conscious of making quick calls. Nowadays, the culture is different. The concept of using your phone too much is probably a little foreign.

Also, I paid the bill, so I knew all of the charges involved. If my parents had been paying the bill and did not take the time to explain to me how everything worked, I would not have had a clue.

Exactly my thoughts.
 
#59 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by dancindoula View Post
To me, the above information changes everything! He knew better than to call his parents when they travel internationally because he knew the rates would change. He remembered complaining when his mom took away his phone the last time HE traveled internationally in order to avoid extra charges. And he knew better than to contact you. And he sent 2000 texts (!!!!!). All of that means he knew enough to know better. He may not have known it was $900 worth of extra, but he knew it was extra and he knew all his parents had a history of working to avoid that extra. And he did it anyway.

Regardless of whether or not you could/should have reminded him of all this (and maybe you should have), he clearly had experience with how the phone situation worked.

Does that mean he should be punished? I don't see why the word "punish" is even part of the conversation. You have acknowledged your own part in the situation - you aren't heaping all of it on him. He needs to acknowledge his responsibility and the natural consequences of his own actions, and he should take an active part in remedying said consequences along with you. That's part of learning to be a successful adult. It's not about shaming/guilting/punishing/(insert other non-PC term here) him - it's about acknowledging the impact that his actions have on the people around him.
ITA.

and neither do i see a reason why the phone company should take off the charges when its a family that travels internationally regularly AND he sent 2000 texts. poor guy. wonder if he was bored.
 
#60 ·
If he knew there would be crazy fees, as per the OP update, he should be made to pay the bill.

If he didn't know, yes I would share the information, but more in a 'whoa this is a surprise, I should have told you, we need to never let this happen again' kind of way.
 
#61 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom View Post
Why? You don't know what the charges were per minute? My mother used a hotel phone a couple of years ago, knowing that they now price high to discourage use, but her cell battery was dead. When she went to check out, they charged $10/minute, so her 6-minute call was $60. She refused to pay that and ended up paying only $1/minute. I don't think it's fair to go assuming the OP's ss did something malicious, or even reckless.
Looks like you misinterpreted what I said. I didn't say that her step son maliciously ran up the phone bill and I'm sure it was unintentional but 1k in phone bill is RIDICULOUS! OP and her DH should talk to him about the bill and 16 years old is old enough to try to be responsible, IMHO.
 
#63 ·
Wow! I think that your update is a very important part of the picture! I think you need to have a conversation with him, as this IS important. Even if it's not about blame or punishment ('cause there is no need for that in this situation). You all need to talk about reality and I agree with you that every action has a consequence- even innocent and unintended. I think I would also be talking to his mom (depending on relationship) because She KNEW without a doubt that he Should Not be using his phone.
 
#64 ·
I can't imagine a 16 year old not understanding the concept of paying extra to call to/from a foreign country. He's almost an adult for pete's sake! I would have that cell phone out of his hands so fast his head would spin 'round. 2000 texts when you're on vacation?!?! That's insane!
 
#65 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by choli View Post
2000 texts! How long was he in Mexico?

That seems kind of sad, being on vacation and spending all your time texting intead of enjoying the change of scenery.
My dd sends so many texts you would think she was doing nothing else but that's not the case. Teens tend to text like a conversation and lots of the texts are extremely short and sent lightening fast.

Maybe he knew calls cost more and thats why there was very little of that but he was unaware that texting (on an unlimited plan) would be more. I think a conversation should be had but all the adults share equal responsibility. I would be super mad at the mom and might be tempted to say she could have him back on her plan.
 
#66 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by emelsea View Post
I also made a bad judgement call because I assumed that he would know not to use the phone in a foreign country. His mom and dad both travel internationally and he knows that he should not call them on their cell phones when they are out of the country. And last year when he was on vacation in the Bahamas with his mom, she took his cell phone away from him (he was still on her plan at that time) and told him he couldn't use it because it would cost more money. I know this because he complained about it at the time.

Finally, out of $900 in fees, $11.99 was voice charges and the rest were text messages/roaming. Every text message sent and rec'd cost $.50, and he sent and rec'd almost 2000 (according to Verizon, I didn't count all of them).

Here's your answer. He knew that it costs more to use his phone out of country, b/c his phone has been taken away from him out of country before, and b/c his parents travel out of country often and he know not to call/text them while they are out of country. He knew, he did it anyway, and there should be consequences.

You don't have to tell him he's a terrible person, just explain that you know he has some understanding of how this works b/c of his experiences (parents traveling, and him not contacting them via cell b/c of extra charges, his mother previously taking his phone away from him out of country, etc) and tell him that he needs to at the very least help pay for the bill. He likely very conveniently "forgot" about the extra charges, and then used his phone thinking he wasn't using it enough to rack up enough extra on the bill for you to remember - thats exactly the kind of thing that my brothers would have done as teens.
 
#67 ·
With the additional information provided, this is what would happen in our house with our 15 1/2 yo DD:

1. She would be working to pay off her, yes HER $900 phone bill. Since you said that he doesn't have the opportunity to get a job, I'd come up with a list of chores and what you'd be willing to pay for each of them.

2. She would lose her cell phone for at least as long as it took to pay off the bill, and probably for longer. Irresponsible use equals not being responsible enough to have a phone.

3. She would also be on restriction from social activities for at least 2 weeks, and probably a month.

He absolutely knew that his usage would be expensive. Does Verizon have a Parent Control feature? If you let him keep his phone, I'd look into putting it in place.
 
#69 ·
im sorry but this so reminds me of my little sister!! her t-mobile bill was sent in a priority box to my parents, it was about the size of a college textbook. she had to work a lot around the house (from what i hear, i didn't live at home). i also think it was around the same amount, i did something similar as a teen (texting from AIM not realizing it was the same cost as sending a regular text, this was also in the dark ages before texting was big and the unlimited text plans were must haves, i also didn't have a computer/internet at home) however my bill was tiny compared to my sisters!!


good luck op!

eta: i forgot, they also had a little burning ceremony to get rid of the "bill" lmao!
 
#71 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by SuburbanHippie View Post
2000 texts when you're on vacation?!?! That's insane!
If you text a lot, it's not hard to get that many. DH & I text more than talk, esp when one of us is working, and they add up really fast. Most of them take 5-10 seconds max, so it doesn't take up much time.
 
#72 ·
It is VERY easy to get 2000 texts, esp if you are chatting on AIM. On AIM on my verizon cell phone, every time someone IMs me, it counts as one text. Every time I IM someone, it counts as one text. I chatted with a friend while traveling last month and I hit 500 in two days just by having an ongoing casual conversation while riding in the car! I had called verizon to find out how much it would cost me ahead of time and adjusted my plan.

OP, I had a though! Really, you should call verizon back and ask if you can go back one month and change your rate plan and have your bill recalculated. You can change it to something that includes an international plan. Their company policy is to always change a rate plan upon request (for instance, I had 500 texts included and they told me to check how many I had used one day before the billing cycle ended, and that if I went over they would just upgrade to a plan that included more texts so I wouldn't have overages). The catch is that you have to call before the billing cycle ends. I did have a friend have an exception made, though, and verizon went back ONE billing cycles and changed her rate plan to minimize her bill so that instead of her standard bill plus a whole lot of overage time, she had a higher standard bill and no overages. They permitted her to downgrade back to her previous plan one cycle later. IDK if this is making any sense, but you could find an international plan that includes data usage and ask to have it retroactively applied one month. They very well may do that as a one time courtesy for you.
 
#73 ·
If the bill is mostly texts, I don't think that would help. We have the plan that has no extra charges for calls made to or within Mexico (from Verizon), and it still costs us 50cents to text out (I think it's cheaper to receive them - maybe 5 cents? So the plan could help reduce it some if a lot of his texts were incoming.)
 
#74 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by FiveLittleMonkeys View Post
With the additional information provided, this is what would happen in our house with our 15 1/2 yo DD:

1. She would be working to pay off her, yes HER $900 phone bill. Since you said that he doesn't have the opportunity to get a job, I'd come up with a list of chores and what you'd be willing to pay for each of them.

2. She would lose her cell phone for at least as long as it took to pay off the bill, and probably for longer. Irresponsible use equals not being responsible enough to have a phone.

I may be a hardass about these things, but I TOTALLY agree with the above consequences. I would not have much mercy in this situation. 2000 texts on vacation? Give me a break.

Not sure how you should handle the vacation, though. Natural consequence would be that it gets cancelled due to the sudden lack of funds, but that seems very severe. Vacation days don't come around that often, and if you have non-refundable reservations or something....

Would you cancel the vacation if you had some other type of one-time-only financial emergency? Like a sudden car repair? I would probably use that as my guide.

I would also have a conversation with DSS's mom. Not to imply that she has any responsibility or ask her to pay or yell at her or anything- just to keep her in the loop. Make her aware. In an effort to prevent future problems and ask for her support.

Now my slightly OT RANT:

Cell phones are my total bugaboo. I HATE them. I have one that I carry around for emergencies, but that's it. I literally use less than 5 minutes a month and get irritated when people like DH call me on it. I've never sent a text in my life.

I work in a HS and the attitude many students have about their cell phones drives me absolutely insane. I've had students get up and walk out of class in the middle of a lesson because they left their cell phone somewhere. And when they got in trouble for it, they were completely incensed.

I would LOVE a trip to Mexico and you'd better believe I wouldn't waste the time off and beautiful scenery staring at a little screen.
 
#75 ·
do you know how many text messages a teenage college student writes on an average in a month?



4000 - 6000



i know. i asked about 15 students and they at first couldnt tell me and then gave me a number between 4000 and 6000. which works out to an average of 130 - 200 a day.
:
 
#76 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by FiveLittleMonkeys View Post
With the additional information provided, this is what would happen in our house with our 15 1/2 yo DD:

1. She would be working to pay off her, yes HER $900 phone bill. Since you said that he doesn't have the opportunity to get a job, I'd come up with a list of chores and what you'd be willing to pay for each of them.

2. She would lose her cell phone for at least as long as it took to pay off the bill, and probably for longer. Irresponsible use equals not being responsible enough to have a phone.

3. She would also be on restriction from social activities for at least 2 weeks, and probably a month.
I don't know that we'd do #3, but the first two? For sure. DS1 slipped up on his phone bill once (nowhere near $900, though). We didn't take the phone from him, but he did have to pay back the bill, and he was told that if it happened again the following month, we'd pull his phone. We had no more problems after that.

There would definitely be some kind of consequence, since he definitely did know that it would cost more. (FWIW, I asked my 17 yo ds1, and he said he knows that the rates are much higher out of country, and that "everybody" he knows is aware of that...mostly that's kids his own age, but also some 15 year olds. These aren't terribly well-traveled kids, by and large.)

However, even if he hadn't known, I can't think of a single reason to not even tell him. That makes no sense at all. My primary job as a parent, imo, is to guide and teach my children on their way to adulthood. If I realized that I'd completely blown it and failed to make my child aware of something this basic about modern life (ie. cell phones can cost a lot of money when you're not local), I'd have to rectify that. There's no way to rectify that without telling him that he racked up $900 in charges. I'm sorry if he's going to feel bad, but...not tell hm? Seriously? I just can't even wrap my brain around that.

(We're actually facing a $1500 repair bill for damage done to our minivan by ds1. He's a brand new driver - under an hour total behind the wheel - and did a "thought it was in drive when it was in reverse" mistake. He feels like crap. I'm sorry he feels like crap. I don't blame him for the acccident in the slightest. But, I'm not going to hide the financial impact - because he needs to know just how expensive cars/driving can be, not because I want to make him feel bad.)
 
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