Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: surrounded by testosterone
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There's no reason to feel guilty.
He got into this situation with his eyes open - and two of the kids you're going to be at home with are his. Blended families still need to be families. And families should strive to treat all kids the same - or at least put the same effort into meeting each kid's needs.
My husband's ex also pays no C/S for their son, who lives with us (nor does she visit frequently, the expense of which is how she's supposed to pay support). Conversely, my ex pays plenty of support. With the recession there have been times that my husband (who's in construction) has had no income, therefore some months my ex's support has been the only money coming in. (I stay home with our toddler.) Yes, it feels a little off, spending C/S money on kids that my ex isn't meant to support. BUT, #1 - It would feel much more wrong to provide for the needs of some kids in the family, while neglecting the needs of others, just because of the source of the money; and #2- When my husband is bringing in money, we certainly don't segregate IT, to keep any of HIS income from being spent on MY kids. Again, we're a family. We use what money we have coming in, to meet everyone's needs. You're doing the same.
If I were you, I would feel - not guilty - but anxious about the stability of the situation, if you have 2 kids together, your older son is attached, but there's no formal commitment (i.e., this guy is still just a boyfriend). Three little kids and not enough money can put strain on people who have pledged before God, family and friends to stay together forever - and who would have to go to Court and spend beaucoups bucks for a divorce, if they split up. I'm not saying BF doesn't feel committed to you, or that people must have a conventional marriage for their relationship to work! I'm just saying there are fewer barriers to walking away, when there's not a formal commitment. So, in your shoes, I'd want to feel crystal clear about why the two of you haven't gotten married, or else bring up to him that you'd like to make that commitment and start moving toward it.
One woman in a house full of men: my soul mate:
... twin sons:
(HS seniors) ... step-son:
(a sophomore) ... our little man:
(a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all