How did you meet your new partner/spouse? - Mothering Forums
Blended and Step Family Parenting > How did you meet your new partner/spouse?
monkeybum's Avatar monkeybum 02:00 AM 08-11-2010
I'm curious how you meet someone the "second time around". And is it hard to get in to another relationship? How did you know it wasn't just going to fall apart again...(don't mean to sound negative, but honestly curious about this).

Thanks!!

Sharlla's Avatar Sharlla 02:14 AM 08-11-2010
i met dh on myspace, we talked online/phone a couple weeks and met. a week late i left x. i fell so in love and still am. x was never right for me. its been almost 2 years and i dont regret it for a second.

dh is the most amazing person and lover. no drama, no fights,we are completely compatable. hes such a great dad to our daughter and my boys. hes so selfless, ive never met anyone like him
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Ceinwen's Avatar Ceinwen 03:25 AM 08-11-2010
She was my daughter's daycare provider.

Just had an instant vibe.

Still going strong over a year later.
SoulCakes's Avatar SoulCakes 12:13 PM 08-11-2010
I met my husband at a conference right before my relationship with my ex officially fell apart. We barely met at the conference, but were both members of the same Facebook fan page for the conference and somehow he started reading my blog… months later, after I had left my ex, he got in touch. We impulsively decided to meet up since he was going to be in town and hit it off immediately. We've been together ever since.

I didn't really worry that it might fall apart. After having been in a committed relationship for so long, I didn't care if it lasted or not. I wasn't looking for and didn't need a permanent relationship. But I knew it would last. I had dated other people, casually, between my split with my ex and meeting my now-DH. When we met up again, I knew we'd be together.

There's no point in being afraid of what might happen. Date for fun rather than for seriousness. Actually, there was one guy that I really wanted a relationship with in that period between leaving ex and meeting DH. I knew we weren't right for each other but I wanted to force it and effectively drove him away. When you know it's not right, it's not right. The joy is in finding the one who is.
2xy's Avatar 2xy 12:31 PM 08-11-2010
I met my DH on Yahoo! Personals. We clicked immediately. He was the second guy I dated after the ex and I split up, and I knew in a very short time that it was gonna be a good thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulCakes View Post
I didn't really worry that it might fall apart. After having been in a committed relationship for so long, I didn't care if it lasted or not. I wasn't looking for and didn't need a permanent relationship. But I knew it would last.
Yes to all of that.

I was especially convinced after he met my kids (10 and 13 at the time), and they instantly liked each other.
~PurityLake~'s Avatar ~PurityLake~ 07:30 PM 08-11-2010
Well, I was married for 8.5 years to my first husband. We never had kids. He ran away for the drug-life claiming he just couldn't do 'it' (life, pay bills, work, etc.) anymore and was gone. Our divorce was final 6 months later although he only appeared by phone from out of state for the divorce.

So, I sold our house, rented an apartment, worked two jobs, rehomed the rescued animals we'd accumulated over the years and my parents invited me to move in with them in Alaska (I lived in Wisconsin at the time). I agreed to do that after my 1 year lease was up and did what I had to to minimize all my earthly possessions and get my pet exams and certifications for cross-country road travel.

In the meantime, I researched Alaska and jobs and environment and opportunities at the computer at the libraries in Madison. During this research, I found a potential home for one of my dogs that my mother wouldn't permit me to have in her home through a chat room and I also met my now-husband in said chat room. I met a lot of Alaskans who I occasionally chatted with updates of my upcoming move and who sometimes called me. I didn't really invest in getting to know any of them well, my now-husband included, because I wasn't interested in developing an internet relationship. I figured I had plenty of time to get to know them in person after I moved. And I did meet a couple of them in person after the move, my now-husband included.

Our first 'date' was a week after I arrived in Alaska. We spent over 5 hours talking about our first marriages, how it ended, what we hoped for relationship-wise from a future partner, how we handled our divorce, how we coped, our dreams and ambitions in life, etc. A couple days later, he called me saying he wanted to see me again. We went on a road trip together and talked, talked, talked. Then the next day, same thing, lots of talking and for about a week we were together almost nonstop and the rest is history.
Hollycrand's Avatar Hollycrand 03:46 PM 08-19-2010
At the swimming pool. After separating from my exh, I decided to get back into swimming (I was an avid swimmer in my youth), and went to the local swimming pool. The first night I went, there were three swimming lanes - slow, medium, and fast. I went up to a guy to ask him if the fast lane was *really* fast (ie Olympic swimmers), and we started talking, occaisionally taking a break or two to do some swimming.
When I got out of the pool, he came over to me and told he'd be at the pool that Friday. I didn't go, but went a week or two later, and the same guy was there. We talked, I gave him a ride home, and we've been inseparable ever since (it's been over a year).
Mummoth's Avatar Mummoth 06:06 PM 08-19-2010
OKCupid.

I read his profile & he looked interesting. It said he was online so I opened a chat window & said hi. He didn't respond for probably 10 minutes and I was about to go offline when he said hi back. We ended up talking for a few hours and ended the conversation with him giving me his number and asking me to call him that night. It turns out, he had just changed his location on his profile about 15 minutes before I popped up on his screen. He was in Calgary still but had everything lined up to move here (he just needed a change... someone else had just contacted him & he realized it was dumb to continue to meet people in a city he was leaving in 3 weeks) After he moved here, we saw each other every few days until during one visit he started to feel really sick and ended up staying with us for the week while he had a kidney stone (so romantic, I know!) Once he was feeling better he went back home, but it was never the same... it was really hard to say goodbye. The kids love him and were pestering me with "Why does Andrew have to go? Why can't he live here with us?When is he coming over again?" pretty much constantly. Then his room-mates broke up and he was looking for a place to live, so rather than find somewhere else to be for a few months he moved right in here.

I don't know hat it isn't going to fall apart again. I DO know that this relationship is healthy, there's no abuse going on and everyone is happy. We work every day to keep things that way and I feel confident that we can continue this way, but I don't KNOW everything will be this good forever.
Hollycrand's Avatar Hollycrand 04:16 PM 08-20-2010
I find it fascinating that so many people met their partners online or through online channels.

I just love reading stories about how people met.
Keep 'em coming!
singin'intherain's Avatar singin'intherain 09:54 PM 08-20-2010
His daughter introduced us We lived in the same apartment complex for two years, and never met each other. When his kids came to live with him full time, they immediately found my house (the complex's kid magnet), and his dd decided to play matchmaker. I don't know if she has talent, or if it was just a lucky guess, but that was a year ago, and we are still very very happy together.
Earthy Mama's Avatar Earthy Mama 04:13 PM 08-23-2010
We went to high school together.

One day at lunch my boss and I were walking through this parking lot and I heard someone call my name from a pizza place. I turned and this tall very attractive looking man was running towards me-I hadn't seen him since 1996! He gave me a big hug and asked if I remembered him. I said-Tony T.! Maybe you should have asked that before you assaulted me!! lol
We chatted for a minute and then parted. We chatted on FB a bit over the next five months but nothing more than hi, how's it going. Fast forward to July last year. I was moving and needed help moving a refridgerator. I put a note of FB about needing help. Nothing. The next day I changed it to-Please help me move my fridge! Free beer. And he saw I was online and said he would help me out.
He helped me move everything I had left in my house! Plus we hung out for a bit through out the day. He invited me and my dds to go swim at his dad's house. We were just being friends by this point though I was very smitten with him. The next day (after swimming) I invited him over for dinner. We went out (first date) that weekend. After, he called me EVERY morning before I took my dds to school. He moved in the next month. It was fast, but never felt like it was too fast. We just fit. I never doubted from that first kiss that we would be together for a LONG time.
GranoLLLy-girl's Avatar GranoLLLy-girl 10:06 PM 08-23-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceinwen View Post
She was my daughter's daycare provider.

Just had an instant vibe.

Still going strong over a year later.
OK, seriously--I just saw a story like this on either Dateline or 20/20.
Are you that couple? It was a nice story actually--same situation--exactly.
Or wait, maybe the formerly married wife had two boys--?
I am pretty sure that couple was in Northern Virginia...or Maryland.
But seriously, there was a story exactly like this on TV. And I remember watching it and thinking--wow imagine meeting someone like that after you've known them all along.
lynsage's Avatar lynsage 10:25 PM 08-23-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mummoth View Post
OKCupid.
You can take the bag off now- I met mine there too!

I messaged him after I saw that he had looked at my profile a couple of times and not messaged me. We started chatting, I impulsively asked him out for that same night, and we've been together from that day to this

It wasn't hard. I thought it would be, but it wasn't. We went through a lot of difficult things together due to some crappy circumstances that were happening in his life in the beginning of our relationship, but falling in love and deciding to stay together despite the crap- it really hasn't been hard at all. Even during the worst period we went through, we didn't break up and we both had a strong feeling that we should wait a while and see how we felt when the storm was over, and we came out on the other side more in love than we were going in. It was terrifying and emotionally difficult, but it wasn't hard in the sense of it being hard to stay together.

Maybe it would feel like it was hard if it had happened with the wrong person, but with the right one, it was just doing what we had to do to stay in each other's lives and build our family, and that made it easier- does that make sense?
sanguine_speed's Avatar sanguine_speed 01:36 AM 08-24-2010
I met my new partner taking courses at university . I really wasn't looking and so hadn't considered the Internet. Also, online dating sites are much more popular now than they were 8 years ago, when I met my new partner.
leilamom's Avatar leilamom 08:29 PM 08-24-2010
My DP and I met on Yahoo Personals as well. He was the 3rd guy that I had gone on dates with since my first marriage ended. We clicked instantly and I have never doubted that he is the person I am supposed to be with.

I was scared though that it wouldn't work out and spent a great deal of the first year or two of our relationship doubting that it would stay together. Nine months after we met, he took a job in CA and was gone for two years. I told him that if we could get through that, we could get through anything. He got a job back here a few months ago and now we are planning our wedding. This is a second marriage for both of us, and we are both very aware of the mistakes we both made to contribute to our marriages not working out.

I am a big believer that it takes two people to be in a relationship and two people to make it work or not work. I don't like placing all the blame on one person or another. I think they key to successful second relationships is knowing what went wrong the first time (meaning, what did I do to contribute to the break up) and then not let that happen again. Everytime I see myself falling back into old habits or about to do or say something, I try to stop myself. It's not his fault that I was hurt the first time around. (I also think that it helps that I am 10 years older this time...deciding to get married at 21 isn't always the best idea.)

It is scary to hand your life and your feelings over to someone again, but I wouldn't take it back for anything!
katroshka's Avatar katroshka 02:16 AM 08-25-2010
I had recently split up with my husband, and suddenly all these guys were coming out of the woodwork like, Hey, you're single now! And I kept telling everyone I wasn't interested in a relationship. Then I had a party at my house, and my best friend from high school invited a few of his friends, and one of them is my dh now. We hit it off right away and he came over later that week when a couple of friends were over. We saw each other nearly every day for the next 3 months or so, but then he finished up grad school and had to relocate for a job. He stayed there for a year and a half, we talked on the phone every night, and he came to visit for weekends every 2-3 months, then he moved back and we moved in together. The long distance thing sucked, but it gave me time to be just me after a very messy end to my first marriage, and since we met only about 2 months after I gave my ex the boot, I really needed it.

It's been great ever since, so different from my first marriage. No drama! He's totally reliable and very considerate, totally unlike my ex. My whole family loves him and my life is just so much more rewarding now.
stormgirl's Avatar stormgirl 06:49 PM 09-06-2010
He was my boyfriend's best friend in high school.......20 plus years ago! We always liked wach other, but for whatever reason, didn't stay intouch.

Reconnected briefly on Facebook, got our kids together to meet up, and then pretty much instantly fell in love. He still lived, coparenting with his ex, and I was still with my ex. It took awhile to get ourselves in a place where we could be openly together, and disentangle from our previous partners, but we are so very happy, and expecting a new addition to our family! And fortuitously, both our ex's are involved with other people, too, and seemingly happy. Our kids get along famously. It still feels like a lucky magic thing.
Oriole's Avatar Oriole 07:08 PM 09-06-2010
on-line chat, 11 years ago.
Mackenzie's Avatar Mackenzie 07:10 PM 09-06-2010
work....
neonalee's Avatar neonalee 06:49 PM 09-09-2010
At a dance club LOL I was there with my sister (lives out of state) and A was there with an out of town friend (B). I was newly separated and much more interested in B. Me, my sis and A hung out after dancing because the public transportation was closed for the night. Went home, slept, we met up with A again that afternoon. My sis went home, but before she left she said, 'now don't go hooking up with A cuz B will come back to town and it'll be weird'. And I said 'no way, A is not my type'. Ha! A and I went to a movie "as friends" and then started dating casually. When I realized I'd fallen in love with him I had a panic attack LOL Eventually he caught up and we've been together since. That sounds like it was all easy, but it wasn't

I don't worry about if it will last or not. I truly believe in yin/yang/balance. You have to experience sad to experience happy, etc. That said, we both see ourselves growing old together, which neither of us saw with our previous partners. We've also both learned a lot about relationships and making them work through past mistakes.
lovemybabyboy's Avatar lovemybabyboy 11:43 PM 09-10-2010
We met when my son was 1 year old and his son was 6. I had been on my own for 10 months or so. We are both farmers so we met at one of the markets and I went over to check out the farm a few months later. It took us a few weeks to start going on dates and soon after that we kissed and fell right in love. Now we have been together for a year and he is moving in. Go places and do things that you enjoy doing and you may find someone there who matches you!
PoetryLover's Avatar PoetryLover 12:13 AM 09-11-2010
We met at the laundromat. I was reading The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. He asked me what I was reading, at which time I closed the book and turned to face him. He was relieved that I immediately gave him my attention. (His version of the story is that I was surrounded by men who were all too afraid to talk to me and that the moment he began talking to me, they all disappeared. I told him that their laundry was probably done. LOL) We discussed the topics you're not supposed to discuss in the beginning: religion and politics. We exchanged numbers. He called me later that day. We talked on the phone several times that week, went hiking the next weekend and have been inseparable ever since.

The funny thing is that Home Makeover was building a house for a local family and I'd given a friend a ride to the construction/filming site. Therefore, I did my laundry nearby the site so that I could pick her up afterward. It wasn't the laundromat that I usually went to. And my husband usually did his laundry on Saturday but decided to do it on Sunday that particular weekend. So I was at a laundromat I never went to and he did his laundry on a day that he normally wouldn't have. We both feel that it was fate/meant to be.

I was actually very happy with my life at that time. I wasn't looking to meet anyone, having recently had a relationship end. But I was open to meeting someone and had an uncanny feeling that day that I would meet someone very special. ... I told concerned friends and family that it would all come out in the wash. LOL Seriously, I couldn't be happier.
joyluc's Avatar joyluc 12:27 AM 09-13-2010
I met DH at a 3 week professional education program that was like summer camp for grown-ups. DS was with my sister while I went. I hadn't been dating for a couple of years and was very 'mommyish' not remembering how to flirt. But after a couple of days in this very flirty environment I started looking around, DH and I hooked up at the end of the first week. We were never going to see each other again when it was over but we couldn't stay away from each other and we ended up engaged 9 months after we met. DS and I moved 300 miles to live with DH and we just had our 4th wedding anniversary. It hasn't always been easy but it was definitely the right thing.
princesstutu's Avatar princesstutu 01:35 AM 09-13-2010
Love this thread! Please keep sharing, folks.
MaerynPearl's Avatar MaerynPearl 12:20 PM 09-19-2010
Met my hubby on DeviantART just after I got married to my first hubby.

We were great friends but NEVER thought of anything romantic between us.

Then I started my divorce... and we met in person a couple times and started dating after that because we realized, in person, there were a lot of feelings there.
mrsdewees's Avatar mrsdewees 12:35 PM 09-19-2010
I actually met my husband when I was 10 years old. We were playing D&D together. Romantic, right? We remained friends and I ended up dating one of his friends, and he dated one of mine. We went on double dates. I got pregnant with my daughter - and her dad did the cliche deadbeat route. My husband and I remained friends through all of this and he just kind of took on this dad-role to my daughter. We ended up realizing that we should be together when she was 4 months old. We got married 2 years later.
Purple Sage's Avatar Purple Sage 01:01 PM 09-19-2010
I was in the process of leaving my xh, and a friend of mine offered to let me and my then 2-year-old dd stay at her apartment. The only thing was that we'd have to share a room with one of her roommates, who just happened to be a guy. So I went to her place on New Year's Eve 1998 (she was having a party) and met the guy and asked if he would mind sharing his room with me and my dd because I needed a place to stay so I could leave my husband.

Well, we ended up chatting for a long time like we'd always known each other, and dd and I moved in a few days later. A couple of weeks after that, the guy and I realized we had feelings for each other, and we've been together ever since. Together almost 12 years, married almost 4, and 3 children together (plus dd1).
MPJJJ's Avatar MPJJJ 02:23 PM 09-21-2010
My DP was my best friend/neighbor's son. We never liked each other, I thought he was a jerk and he thought I was snobby. When XDH and I seperated, he basically kicked me out of the house, and I had no where else to go, so I stayed next door at my friend's house. DP and I got to know each other, found out our assumptions were wrong, and we became friends... eventually became much more and now we share a home, we adopted a dog, and we're still going strong 1.5 years later.
AidansMommy1012's Avatar AidansMommy1012 11:04 AM 09-30-2010
DP and I had been on the edges of one another's social circles for awhile; he grew up with one of my best girlfriends and they remained friends, but he had moved an hour away for his job when he graduated from college. We had heard of one another but had never met. He eventually went through a bad breakup of a long term relationship and opted to buy a house back in his hometown near his family and commute to work. He thought some of my posts on my girlfriend's wall on Facebook were hilarious and friended me. He makes masks as a hobby, and was wearing one in most of his profile pics, which made me curious (who IS that masked man??!!). We started chatting as we began to notice that we have an identical sense of humor and share a lot of interests. After hanging out a few times, he asked me out and the rest is history. We just got along amazingly from the beginning. He's my best friend, adores my kids, and we have a very happy little home together.
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