Can the mother take the children out of state? Parental Kidnapping? EDIT: Social Worker - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 38 Old 08-16-2010, 01:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jstpmm View Post

She is trying to keep me from the courtroom too
What is she going to accomplish by doing this? But, just so you know she may succeed. In NY at least no one but the parties and any witnesses called to testify are allowed in the actual courtroom (and witnesses of course are only allowed in during their individual testimony). I don't know what would happen if one party was married, but I really wouldn't worry about that. Being in the courtroom doesn't actually do much since you don't say anything (if your dh has a lawyer they do all the talking, and your dh would do all the talking if he doesn't have a lawyer.)
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#32 of 38 Old 08-16-2010, 03:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sorry, I tend to think of married couples as a collective 'you' and did not mean to imply that the OP is the one that needs to be filing. I also noted earlier in the thread that the OP has no right to deny the mother anything since she is a legal stranger.

OP - I'm glad you'll be filing to get emergency temp custody. Did she remove the children AFTER your dh filed originally? If she did I would expect her to at least get a good lecture from the judge since thats really not ok, if not more than that.
That's how I am posting as a 'we' but it is DH that is the one doing everything. We never want to deny the mother access to her kids, just that she be on a schedule. The last 2 years.. a few times she'll tell us with only a few days notice she is coming to see the kids, we better drop all our plans. She even kept the older one from her last day of school cause 'she's not in town to see them everyday'. It's just been up and down, sometimes every other weekend, sometimes only once a month. It's tough on the girls.
Yes, she did take them after she was served, we filed and received the court date.


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What is she going to accomplish by doing this? But, just so you know she may succeed. In NY at least no one but the parties and any witnesses called to testify are allowed in the actual courtroom (and witnesses of course are only allowed in during their individual testimony). I don't know what would happen if one party was married, but I really wouldn't worry about that. Being in the courtroom doesn't actually do much since you don't say anything (if your dh has a lawyer they do all the talking, and your dh would do all the talking if he doesn't have a lawyer.)
I don't know, it just made me sad to hear it.
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#33 of 38 Old 08-16-2010, 04:25 AM
 
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That's how I am posting as a 'we' but it is DH that is the one doing everything. We never want to deny the mother access to her kids, just that she be on a schedule. The last 2 years.. a few times she'll tell us with only a few days notice she is coming to see the kids, we better drop all our plans. She even kept the older one from her last day of school cause 'she's not in town to see them everyday'. It's just been up and down, sometimes every other weekend, sometimes only once a month. It's tough on the girls.
Yes, she did take them after she was served, we filed and received the court date.




I don't know, it just made me sad to hear it.
RE: the bolded, is there an order that the girls cannot be removed from the state? There was one for us when my ex filed first (but he also said that he was afraid I would take DS out of state and not return even though that fear was unfounded). If there is, then she is in contempt of court. If not, you need to ask for one at the emergency hearing that you ask for. (again, collective 'you' that I use to refer to a married couple. It's your dh filing.)

I know its sad that you might not be there to support your dh, but its just a bunch of drama that goes on in a court room IME. You can still go with your dh and wait outside the court room, which he would probably really appreciate. Then again, she might not succeed in keeping you out of the courtroom, and you might be able to sit in, you'll just have to wait and see (although if you plan on testifying if there is ever a trial you may want to sit outside since you are not a party to the action they may not let you testify if you've been sitting in on court appearances)
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#34 of 38 Old 08-16-2010, 11:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH talked to DSDs and after their Mother told him that she is taking DSDs to see a social worker on claims of abuse by me. Mom has already been coaching DSDs on what to say about me, our home, pets ect.

Will a social worker see through that? Does anyone know what they ask of a child. (DSDs are 4 and 2) They are happy, healthy kids. I can't think a social worker will think there is any abuse, physical or mental.

I feel awful cause it's all personal against me, nothing against DH. She was perfectly ok with leaving DSDs with him when he was alone and she wanted to go out and party and have a life apart from them. But now that we are together and now married, things just keep getting worse and worse. If I wasn't here, he'd still have his DDs.

And her bringing them back this weekend depends on what the social worker says.

We talked to a lawyer today. There isn't much we can do at the moment since we had a verbal agreement (although DH never agreed, her lawyer said we had no choice) for her to take the girls until the weekend. And then depending on how things go at our ICMC (about 2 months away), that determines DH's next steps. Unless she doesn't return them this weekend, then we can file for temporary custody.
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#35 of 38 Old 08-16-2010, 11:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jstpmm View Post
DH talked to DSDs and after their Mother told him that she is taking DSDs to see a social worker on claims of abuse by me. Mom has already been coaching DSDs on what to say about me, our home, pets ect.

Will a social worker see through that? Does anyone know what they ask of a child. (DSDs are 4 and 2) They are happy, healthy kids. I can't think a social worker will think there is any abuse, physical or mental.

I feel awful cause it's all personal against me, nothing against DH. She was perfectly ok with leaving DSDs with him when he was alone and she wanted to go out and party and have a life apart from them. But now that we are together and now married, things just keep getting worse and worse. If I wasn't here, he'd still have his DDs.

And her bringing them back this weekend depends on what the social worker says.

We talked to a lawyer today. There isn't much we can do at the moment since we had a verbal agreement (although DH never agreed, her lawyer said we had no choice) for her to take the girls until the weekend. And then depending on how things go at our ICMC (about 2 months away), that determines DH's next steps. Unless she doesn't return them this weekend, then we can file for temporary custody.
Generally social workers can see through false allegations, this is what they are trained to do and most have seen it time and time again. I'm curious though, how do you know that the girls mom has been coaching them on what to say about you, your pets and your home?
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#36 of 38 Old 08-16-2010, 11:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Generally social workers can see through false allegations, this is what they are trained to do and most have seen it time and time again. I'm curious though, how do you know that the girls mom has been coaching them on what to say about you, your pets and your home?
I guess we can't say with 100% certainty. But just by what she said to DH/how she said it.

Like example, DSDs were outside playing and got bit by bugs. Both DSDs knew that they were bug bites and even told other family members about it when talking about their day and that they were itchy and we put medicine on it so it wouldn't itch ect. Younger DSD has sensitive skin so she itched a lot and scabed them over. Now according to Mom, older DSD said our new little puppy bit younger DSD. A puppy bite is so different from a bug bite. The puppy doesn't have the strength to break skin yet. And the pets aren't in the main house unless we are around to watch them.
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#37 of 38 Old 08-17-2010, 01:15 AM
 
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If they are going to CPS with this claim, you will hear from the social worker. If the social worker is decent, they won't delay the girls going home, they will (I think) come up with a "safety plan" so that the girls aren't in your care alone until the claim has been investigated. However, its unlikely that with a claim like a puppy bite/bug bite it will get very far. Although, I've been around my fair share of puppys, and while most of them didn't break the skin it wasn't due to lack of strength.

Any other claims of abuse?

ETA - when you hear from the social worker you should be able to give them the names and numbers of people who can vouch for you, and who can tell them how wonderful you are with the girls.

Good luck. PS - this is based on my experience having CPS called on me, and what happened (although much abreviated - the whole thing was a disaster and is a long long story, but it has a happy ending). My advice if the girls have already been interviewed before they contact you is to cooperate as best as you can, it makes their job alot easier and can get the whole thing cleared up much faster than if you don't cooperate.
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#38 of 38 Old 08-17-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jstpmm View Post
DH talked to DSDs and after their Mother told him that she is taking DSDs to see a social worker on claims of abuse by me. Mom has already been coaching DSDs on what to say about me, our home, pets ect.
Dad should be cautious what he says to the girls, as this could be construed as his coaching them, too.
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