Passive aggressive biomom - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 08-22-2010, 07:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On the rare occasions she comes to get dss, she takes him overnight. I reminded her this week that Saturday was his birthday, asked her if she wanted to take him for the weekend. She did but made it seem like a hassle for her.

Anyways Dss turned 13, they just kinda sat around, whatver. He calls me last night to come get him because they got into an argument and she wouldn't take him home. So I get him, hes super ticked off.

I guess she wanted to borrow money from him. He said no. She then took his money and said.

I am not borrowing it, but you need to learn to be more generous so I am freezing it. I am holding your money until you learn to show respect.

He told her that was stealing.

She then said, You have to go sit in the corner, I am not grounding you, i hate punishment, I am freezing you. Go sit in the corner till I tell you to get up.


So he said no.. she screamed at him, and now he is home with me.


Seriously? I am not punishing you, but I am freezing you? He is 13 years old! she stole his birthday money!

So now he is telling me he never wants to see her again. sigh. Happy Birthday indeed.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#2 of 5 Old 08-22-2010, 07:48 PM
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That doesn't sound passive aggressive, it sounds plain-old regular aggressive. I'm glad your ds protected himself.
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#3 of 5 Old 08-22-2010, 07:50 PM
 
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That's awful!!!!

I do have one question...you've written a few things about how his mom uses him and shows no caring for him as a person and as her son so I really wonder why you would suggest to her that she take him for the weekend his birthday falls on. It seems like the poor kid was setup to have his birthday ruined and now even his present is gone. This is the same kid who had his computer stolen by the relative you and your dh had staying in his room?
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#4 of 5 Old 08-22-2010, 07:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yep same kid.

He loves his mom, always has. We try to make them get together, for him. he wants to be with her, he just wants her to be a MOM, and she just doesn't want to be.

She hasn't had him on his birthday for 6 years. I asked him if he wanted to see her for his birthday and he said yes. When I asked her if she wanted him on his birthday, she sounded happy about it. When the time came though, she made it seem like it was a bad time for her and she was busy. I offered to change the date but she was like.. no it is his birthday, I want him.

I have never made him go to her house. I always ask if it is ok with him first. She talked on the phone with him and must have made the visit sound like fun.

My job shouldn't have to be to remind his mom of his birthday, but it is.

He got his computer back from my cousin.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#5 of 5 Old 08-23-2010, 05:51 PM
 
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Coming back to this I feel my tone was overly harsh and judgmental. I have a lot of regrets about the fruits of my "overfacilitation" of my dc's relationship with their father and it seems I was projecting a bit. I apologize and I hope that your dss can get his birthday money back.
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