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I made the choice at around age 12 to skip all "required" visitations with my mom. Not because I was being manipulated but because I truly did not want to go.
How far apart do you live? Can your hubby take her out for an evening for dinner or a walk where he can talk to her and discuss how she feels?
Twelve can be a difficult age and if she has four younger sibs to deal with when she comes to visit she may not have the opportunity to express her feelings uninterrupted.
Perhaps a little one-on-one time with dad would provide her with an opportunity to discuss the situation and you could go from there. If she truly doesn't want to visit in the way it is currently set up it might be time to make some adjustments to the visitation schedule.
Mom to J and never-ending , 0/2014 items decluttered, 0/52 crafts crafts completed
Seeking zen in 2014. Working on journaling and finding peace this year. Spending my free time taking J to swimteam
(this is not legal advice)
A judge generally will give a 12 yo consideration (exactly how much depends on the child and the judge and the jurisdiction), but a judge won't (usually) allow a child to wholesale refuse a relationship with a parent unless there's abuse, etc. So a schedule might change to accommodate a child's wishes/activities, but no judge I know of will actually allow a child to decide she doesn't want to see her father anymore ad change the order accordingly.
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