Join Date: Sep 2010
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~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.
Things have been rough lately with BM's accusations, and feeling like the court can't respond fast enough if at all. Lately whenever BF tries to assert his rights BM gets really mad and texts him "words" and files with the court (lies, mostly so blatant that I think most anyone would easily see through them, but her text transcripts really give it away) and BFD comes to us crying that she won't be able to visit anymore, or with instructions that she's not allowed to play while she's at our house (an issue in itself!!). Now even with a partial court order she comes up with lame excuses to not follow it. So he's been trying to pick his battles (not that I'm suggesting this is an issue to budge even a millimeter on!) but stirring the pot is definitely a concern. BM has threatened to cut BF off and we don't doubt she would follow through by moving without providing a forwarding address or phone number (she's done it before).
I agree, Smithie, that BF asserting his rights instead of letting BM continue being unreasonable could go a long way in terms of BM's attitude in showing her that he's not going to give up. I hadn't thought about it getting through to her in that way (though I'm not sure a person who's willing to toy with her kid's health can necessarily be reasoned with).
Thankfully BF has always tried and TRIED and tried again to be involved, has gone all the school events which BM informs him about, including school conference, first day of kindergarten, and school Christmas pageant. Now it's easy to know the scheduled dates/times with school schedules being posted online so we don't have to rely on BM or a too young to remember BFD.
If you think that BM will move and take BFD with her, and she's obviously trying really hard to poison the relationship, your BF needs to get his butt into court and demand it stop. You should start tape-recording your BFD so that you can prove what she's saying, and your BF needs to SAVE and DOCUMENT all texts/times/context that its being done in. BM's behaviour is absolutely out of line, and your BF has a fundamental right to have a relationship with his daughter. Fundamental means HUGE and interfering with that right is also HUGE and shouldn't be allowed to happen. Sitting by idly and allowing his relationship to be interfered with will look bad in court, even if he doesn't want to stir the pot.
And, the wetting problem could very well be related to stress, but from what you said it's much more likely to be b/c BM is trying to make the daughter feel bad about having a relationship with her dad.
ETA - the BM moved and didn't provide a forwarding address?????? WTH? How does she even have custody still??
It's been reported as much as we could (the text transcripts, and personal affidavits of what BFD has said) but nothing absolute has come of it. The problem is that what BFD says BM says isn't necessarily reality and hasn't been allowed (understandably: I wouldn't want what BFD says about BF to hold up in court either--thus far the claims of what BFD has said to BM have been far from the truth).
As for sitting idly by, we've been warned by two lawyers not to report every little nuance or the court would think poorly of it.