this is where i think Stepson will really hate me - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 10-21-2010, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
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Sorry, but this system helps me vent. My stepson was missing going on 3 weeks now. yesterday when i got home, i had a message on my home phone basically saying "my dad didnt want me to leave, i think you made it up", even though he took off and left a note saying he is running away due to his dad and i gave him a choice of either getting help for his addiction and behavior problems or follow the house rules. I was hurt, but got over it. Then 10pm last night i received a call from the police dept. They found my stepson drunk off his butt at a park. (he is 16). He was so out of it, the ambulance came, fire trucks, 3 police cars. My stepson tried to run off, so he was charged ontop of intoxication, resisting arrest. HE had to get rushed to the hospital in the ambulance. He admitted drinking a full bottle of bacardi, and cough syrup with tylenol. The police informed me due to I am his guardian he has to be released to me after being in the hospital. When he saw me he cried, made a big scene, saying how sorry he is for everything he has done to me, he is sorry for taking my boys money, there ipod. That he wants a better life, he wants family, no more friends, you are always there for me, sorry for making it hard on you and my dad, yayayayaya. I felt bad, but i have heard it before. I have heard him tell me he has changed so many times. So after sitting with him from 1030pm to 4am, Dr informed me to go get a bit of rest and pick him up at 6am. (i have my two boys at home alone sleeping). I picked my stepson up at 6am, went home and informed him to just relax and i will check up on him on my lunch break. Anyways, he had a warrant for his arrest for theft, running away, truancies from school, and his probation officer was looking for him. The probation officer had to come by the house and pick him up, but didnt think he would open the door for her. So me, being the only person here, went home at lunch, sat around and chit chatted about why did he do what he did, where has he been for past few weeks, etc, (nice conversation no drama) then the knock came and it was the PO and her supervisor. She came in put handcuffs on my stepson and took him away. He wouldnt even say a word to me, wouldnt look at me. I really felt bad, due to i will be the one looked at by him and his brother for doing this. IT wasnt my choice. I know deep down that I cannot help him, he needs to want the help. IF he didnt make it through the night, I would have been the one people would look at, I would be the one who other would blame for letting him do what he wants. I just really do hope one day in many many years, my stepsons will sit back and realize that i have rules because i care. I was put in a different position due to dad being deployed. I know I am not his mom, due to she doesnt want anything to do with him and basically has no rules for his twin brother. (who is looking sicker and sicker due to the stuff he has put in his body). Deep down, I know if my biological kids were acting this way, I would also do the same thing until they get the help they need.
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#2 of 3 Old 10-22-2010, 12:32 AM
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You didn't create his problems. It sounds like you have done everything you can think of, to help him solve them, while still trying to protect your younger children. And while, at 16, he may not have any idea what's best for himself (or how to pursue it)... you're right that he's too old for you to heal him without his own participation.

I'm sure that his tears, when you picked him up, were quite genuine. But there's a big difference between having an epiphany about the gorge between where you are and where you want to be...and actually doing the hard work of getting yourself from the one place to the other.

One woman in a house full of men:  my soul mate:    or... twin sons:(HS seniors) ... step-son:  (a sophomore) ... our little man:   (a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all:  our
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#3 of 3 Old 10-22-2010, 12:50 AM
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my stepbrother was a lot like your stepson. It was really really hard on my dad and stepmom for many years, but he recently thanked my dad for drawing a line, and not letting him cross it.

he came through it, and is doing very well now.
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