1- DH and Ex1 have kids in their mid and late 20's (so, long out of the house). They've always co-parented well. A decade ago (maybe 2?), they got the court's permission for him to stop paying CS through the collection office, because one of his monthly payments was distributed to the wrong person, who spent it all immediately and couldn't afford to repay it. The CS collection office had no accountability, so DH either had to pay it again (which he did), or Ex1 (and their kids!) would've gone without.
2- Long, bitter odyssey with DH and Ex2, who have an 11-y-o. This included DH ticking off a prosecutor, who was friends with Ex2 and pulled out all the stops to send DH to jail for a year, over violating a protective order...but, after 6 months of crap and a full-day trial, it took less than 5 min. for DH to be found not guilty. A couple years later, DH won sole custody of the kid.
3- Ex2 tends to peruse DH's record with Ex1, when they're going to court - presumably looking for dirt (although this hasn't worked for her). Mysteriously, between DH winning the PO-violation trial and the custody modification hearing, the ENTIRE FILE on his and Ex1's divorce DISAPPEARED from the court system. There's still a court docket, listing things filed or ordered, but there's little info. beyond dates. In many cases (where pleadings have long titles, or things were dealt with verbally, in the judge's chambers), it's not clear what was filed or ordered. NO original documents remain. And their divorce wasn't contentious enough that DH and Ex1 held onto their own copies of things.
3- Immediately after the custody change, the prosecutor's office threatened to suspend DH's license over "unpaid" CS to Ex2...because it was too much trouble to check the court record and realize DH had custody and was no longer supposed to be paying her. It took a ridiculously long time (people refusing to return DH's calls, claiming they never got the paperwork he sent, etc.), but it got sorted out.
4- Now, the prosecutor's office is going after him, for unpaid support to Ex1, dating all the way back to when he stopped paying through the CS collection office. In the absence of a case file - and seeing that Ex1 never made a single complaint to the collection office, although there's no record of payment for more than 10 years - did the prosecutor's office CONTACT Ex1, to verify things, before opening a case? Of course not! Too much trouble! Let's just NAIL the bastard! After all, elections are coming up and the incumbent prosecutor brags he's "tough on deadbeat dads"!
5- DH is currently among, or close to, the "Top 10 Most Wanted" deadbeat dads in the state. Strangers can look this up about him. (Business contacts, Ex2, etc.)
6- The prosecutor's office HAS suspended his license. Whoops! They sent notice to the wrong address, so he didn't get to exercise his opportunity to contest it. Sorry!
7- Ex1 followed the instructions of the prosecutor's office, took time out of her schedule to physically go down to the CS collection office and sign an affidavit that DH had not only paid every cent of child support, but had paid significantly more, over the years (as he would often give her extra money, when she needed it, or wanted to take the kids on special vacations, etc.) She said they were extremely rude to her and that one lady yelled at her for having accepted payments directly from DH. So their system screwed up the payments; they got along just fine without government intervention; they got a judge's permission to make the change; AGAIN their system screwed up and lost the file on that...and EX-1 is the problem!?!?!?! W...T...F????
8- Now, the clerk at the prosecutor's office says they can't restore DH's license, because they "have no record" of the affidavit Ex1 signed and which the CS collections office was supposed to send over to them. And neither the prosecutor assigned to DH's case, nor that person's supervisor will return DH's calls.
When I was griping about this before (regarding the CS to Ex2), someone suggested going to the media. We didn't, partly because the problem got solved and we have busy lives, so we moved on...but we also wondered, would it lead to public airing of every "black mark" on our records? I mean, there's nothing terrible, but still - who wants the world to know that my crazy neighbor called CPS on me, or that DH has sometimes been late with CS payments, when he was out of work?
But we are so beyond irritated now, that whether this is a personal thing (after all, it's not paranoia if someone's really out to get you...); a "nail-every-deadbeat-dad-to-boost-your-figures" thing; or just everyday bureaucratic incompetence, it just seems like people should know about it. I mean, I like feeling judgmental and superior toward the Top 10 Deadbeat Dads, like anyone else. But now I have to wonder how many of them are ALSO being unfairly maligned?
So, has anyone "gone public" with something like this before? If the media actually picked it up, how bad did things get?
One woman in a house full of men: my soul mate:
... twin sons:
(HS seniors) ... step-son:
(a sophomore) ... our little man:
(a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all