Blended Families...How do they work exactly???? *vent..I guess* - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Thread Tools
#1 of 5 Old 11-18-2010, 09:49 AM - Thread Starter
aynekal's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

*Sigh* Unsure of where to goes...Before my DH became my DH, we had a beautiful daughter together...our families wanted to control every single aspect of our parenting and eventually our relationship couldn't withstand the we called it quits..  During the course of our breakup he had a son.  When we decided to give it another go, I was rather reluctant because of this, but I figured everything would work out in the end...after less than a year of reconnecting we decided to get married and move to DC, and aside from the unnecessarily dramatic tendencies of his son's mother everything has been WONDERFUL, better than expected.  But, now that DH and I are expecting another bundle of joy, I am concerned with how this is going to impact his son.  Any advice you ladies could provide would be MORE than appreciated.


Thanks smile.gif

Proud Marine Wife ribbongold.gif, Mommy to One Amazingly Beautiful Charismatic Daughter (12/17/05) joy.gifand Perfectly Handsome Son (6/15/2011) yikes.gif

aynekal is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 5 Old 11-18-2010, 12:59 PM
VocalMinority's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: surrounded by testosterone
Posts: 1,303
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

I don't think the new baby will impact your step-son as much as his dad's choice to move away with his new wife.  ("New" from the kid's persective, even if you were actually in the picture before he was.)  How did he handle that?  If he didn't seem resentful, as though he was being relegated to second place, then he probably won't look at the new baby that way.  The situation does kind of suck, from his position, though.  

One woman in a house full of men:  my soul mate:    or... twin sons:(HS seniors) ... step-son:  (a sophomore) ... our little man:   (a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all:  our
VocalMinority is offline  
#3 of 5 Old 11-18-2010, 01:25 PM
SoulCakes's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 534
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't think there's quite enough information to give you good advice. How old was your DH's son when his parents split? How old was he when you guys got back together? How did he handle his parents' break-up and your marriage? Does he live with you in DC? How long have you lived there? How has he adjusted in general to all of this?


I guess what I'm trying to say is, if he's a year old and has no real idea of what's going on around him, that's a totally different answer than if he's seven, lived with both of his parents together most of his life, and then suddenly his dad's married to someone new, having a new baby, moving to DC and is barely a part of his life anymore. 


So give some details, and we'll supply you with advice.  :)

SoulCakes is offline  
#4 of 5 Old 11-19-2010, 09:47 AM - Thread Starter
aynekal's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks for taking the time to respond...I really appreciate it, and my apologies for not providing enough info.  So here goes.....DH and his son's mother never really had a relationship.  It was a drunken one night stand that resulted in a baby, that resulted in her getting kicked out of her grandmother's house. DH obviously took her in, and they had a mutual arrangement that once she had the baby, she would return to work, get on her feet, he would help her find a place and they would co-parent accordingly. When their son turned 8 months, she moved out. He and I decided to start "dating" again around the time his son turned 1.  When she found out that he and I were getting back together, she moved back home to TX with her mother and step-father (The beginning of all of the dramatic outburst). 


After the drama begin to subside, DH has legal custody/visitation and we see his son regularly.  His son is now almost 3.  His son and I have a very sweet relationship, I am the one who travels back and forth between TX, and DC to handle the exchanges.  It was something my DH was VERY adamant about, and something that I have grown to enjoy.  It gives us the chance to bond and get to know each other and it has worked out quite nicely. He was a very sweet child and such a joy to be around. He doesn't treat me badly or act as if he doesn't want me around. He doesn't have any issues at all if he sees his Dad and I being affectionate.  He and his step-sister play and get along as if they never had time away from each other.  I just feel bad for the little guy because he has had so much transition in his life and so close together, I just want him to still feel comfortable around us when the baby gets here...


Proud Marine Wife ribbongold.gif, Mommy to One Amazingly Beautiful Charismatic Daughter (12/17/05) joy.gifand Perfectly Handsome Son (6/15/2011) yikes.gif

aynekal is offline  
#5 of 5 Old 11-19-2010, 11:21 AM
PoppyMama's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In my own delusions.
Posts: 3,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

It sounds like he is doing pretty well with all of it.  I would just make a fuss over him becoming a big brother again and what a great big brother he is.  I think a lot of the problems happen from lines of distinction between full blood siblings and half and the half that doesn't live there feeling left out.  Like the bond is different.  We make no distinctions at all.  It's also important to set aside time for him and make sure not to get so caught up in the other kids that you let him slide to the side.  Showing interest and making his interests a priority some of the time is good.  

PoppyMama is offline  

Quick Reply
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off