Help me prep kids for visit from absent mother - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 02-04-2011, 08:13 AM - Thread Starter
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DSC's Biomom is mostly absent, She has visitation through their divorce agreement which is every other sat for 8 hours. She visited 2x last year and lives an hour away. She hasn't come to see them since sept, and now she's planning on coming tomorrow. Since their is a court order DH feels he cannot say no to her but he and I are both extremely worried about how the kids 9 and 7 are going to deal with it. We want to talk to them tonight/tomorrow am to prep them. DSS is getting sick and DH thinks he wants to just tell biomom she cant come because of it. She has not had a job or car since they got divorced 5+yrs ago(she borrows her from her family). The thing that really complicates things is she had a baby in november. The kids have never met the baby and i think they will have a lot of emotions stemming from seeing their new "sibling" tomorrow. Also the fact that they wont even get alone time with their mom when she cant come visit them more often, they're going to have to share that with the new baby too. I feel like life is just getting harder for the kids, trying to deal with their mother's abandonment. Any suggestions on how to make this easier for them?


Katie, Enjoying my time with my love Josh:, kiddos Kendel '01 and Xander '03 and our furry beast Sherman '08:
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#2 of 3 Old 02-05-2011, 04:50 PM
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i see you posted this yesterday, what did you end up doing in regards to prepping the kids, have the come home from their visit, and if so how did they react when they got home?


all i cant say is reassure them of your love and the love of their father and that you two are there for the long haul andnot going anywhere ever. be honest with them, you dont know why their mom is that way, you cant speak for her, you can only speak for you and how you feel about them.


in time as they get older they will either not want anything to do with her, or they will hunt her out and either seek a relationship with her or they will go to her for answers why she abandoned them.


giving them a safe stable loving home is all you can do to prevent any damage that could be caused by her abandonment of them. i am thankful to think that they have a loving smom who really loves and cares about their feelings.


let us know how the visit went, vs 



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#3 of 3 Old 02-05-2011, 05:35 PM
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Im looking in on this thread to see how your visit went too :).


I wish Id seen it yesterday. my mother was very absent until I was 11 years old (when I went to live with her because I hated my now very very beloved stepmom). It is so hard, especially during the arrival of new siblings. I know I always left with a sense of disgust that she was caring for and loving them, but not me.

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