Step-Daughters Birthday Party - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-18-2011, 11:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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One of my step-daughters is getting ready to have her 10th birthday party.  Their  mom lives with her parents and was going to have a slumber party at their house-but now cannot.  We are going to have it at our house-a house he used to share with my SD mom-and she wants to come over and "help" with activities or whatever we decide to do.  We have had issues previously with her just walking into the house like she owned it-and she has since been asked not to come farther than the entry way.  I am NOT comfortable with her in our house-because I know she will find a way to be everywhere in the house and take over the party we are paying for.  When she was going to have it at her house-we were going to take all the girls out for pizza and then just drop them off at her house for the slumber party.  I am very very torn because I am not a mean person-and i do not want to keep her away from her daughters party/slumber party--but I also DO NOT want her in MY house.  My step-daughter wants a sleep-over--and the mom thinks she should be there bc they want to see their parents together--except she is calling my ex with her "problems" and I truly feel she would love it if they got back together-which is never going to happen.  PLEASE HELP!! 

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Old 04-18-2011, 12:03 PM
 
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I know exactly how you feel about wanting to maintain the boundaries of your own space. Is it possible to still take the girls out for pizza (or something) and invite her along for that, then come back to the house without her? Your husband will probably still have to draw the line about her coming back to the house... 

 

I wish I had better advice, but I wanted to at least offer support for not wanting your husband's ex in your house... I have always felt exactly the same way and I think it is perfectly reasonable to draw that line.


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Old 04-18-2011, 02:39 PM
 
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Yikes. We are having my DSD's 8th bday party here (also a sleepover) and I can't IMAGINE how I would be feeling if my DH's ex wanted to attend. I very much sympathize with not wanting her in your house. The last time DH's ex was allowed in our house, we got a laundry list of complaints about how we were providing DSD with TOO MANY clothes, and that she needed to be cleaning her room on her own... which she did. I guess it was much cleaner than she usually keeps her room at her mom's? Also, the walls were too cluttered (with DSD's art, which we have on wires across the room), and she shouldn't have a TV in her room.

 

I'm getting stressed just thinking about it. Even the pp's suggestion of her joining you all for pizza would be too much for us, as well as too much for DSD. She feels as though she has to pretend not to love me when her mom is around (which she has been clear with us on), and she prefers the two houses not to mix.


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Old 04-18-2011, 03:25 PM
 
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Flip it  Her mom can take everyone out for pizza and then drop them off at your house.   I never let my kids ( now xstep mom) in my home heck I never leave my X in my house.   I dont go in his.  You are going to have to let her dad address that issue.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy 1 View Post

One of my step-daughters is getting ready to have her 10th birthday party.  Their  mom lives with her parents and was going to have a slumber party at their house-but now cannot.  We are going to have it at our house-a house he used to share with my SD mom-and she wants to come over and "help" with activities or whatever we decide to do.  We have had issues previously with her just walking into the house like she owned it-and she has since been asked not to come farther than the entry way.  I am NOT comfortable with her in our house-because I know she will find a way to be everywhere in the house and take over the party we are paying for.  When she was going to have it at her house-we were going to take all the girls out for pizza and then just drop them off at her house for the slumber party.  I am very very torn because I am not a mean person-and i do not want to keep her away from her daughters party/slumber party--but I also DO NOT want her in MY house.  My step-daughter wants a sleep-over--and the mom thinks she should be there bc they want to see their parents together--except she is calling my ex with her "problems" and I truly feel she would love it if they got back together-which is never going to happen.  PLEASE HELP!! 



 


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Old 04-19-2011, 07:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBaxter View Post

Flip it  Her mom can take everyone out for pizza and then drop them off at your house.  
 

 

 

This. I don't understand wanting to "attend" a child's sleepover party. Just say no.
 

 

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Old 04-20-2011, 10:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She doesn't want to stay for the sleepover-she just wants to be there for any activities planned-which she would take over, and cake and presents.  I think we are going to try and do it at a park-let them play-if she wants to anything-she can do it there and then we can take the few friends back to our house and I can do what I want with the girls as far as activities and goodies go! thanks for replying everyone! :)

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