How to deal with this situation - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 02-28-2012, 07:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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To make a long story short.  I came into the relationship with my 2 kids and my boyfriend also has 2 kids..We then had one child together.  Problem lies in the fact that his ex is crazy and does not want his kids around me or my children.  She still lives in their house that they built and he pays for the mortgage.  Now OUR daughter is almost 2 years old and his children still do not know she exists.  He just doesn't want to get into a huge court battle with his ex.  To me, there seems to be more to this sitiuation.  He barely sees his children anymore because he can't bring them to our house.  We have been together for 3 years and for the first year he would go to his house to see his kids and still convinced his ex that they were together...mistakes i know...but for now I don't know how to proceed..HELP

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#2 of 7 Old 02-28-2012, 09:00 AM
 
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You have a two year old, his kids don't know she exists, and his EX is crazy? Your man needs a knock upside the head to take care of business with his other kids so he can be a Dad to them. No other way of saying it. Sorry.

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#3 of 7 Old 02-28-2012, 08:14 PM
 
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He spent a year lying to her and the kids about being in another relationship... and she's crazy...

 

I agree. Probably there is more to the situation. I would assume that this man is also being dishonest with you.

 

I have btdt to an extent. So I do apologize if I sound harsh, but I am older-but-wiser after a relationship that was secretive in many ways.

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#4 of 7 Old 02-29-2012, 01:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklefairy View Post

He spent a year lying to her and the kids about being in another relationship... and she's crazy...

 

I agree. Probably there is more to the situation. I would assume that this man is also being dishonest with you.

 

I have btdt to an extent. So I do apologize if I sound harsh, but I am older-but-wiser after a relationship that was secretive in many ways.

 

 

Yes a thousand times to the bolded.


Am I reading this and the OP wrong, or did this man actually let the first woman think that he was still in a relationship with her?  While actually being shacked up with the OP?  In other words, he was actively cheating and lying.  Wow, sounds like a winner. 

 

How to proceed?  I would suggest that you seek counselling and work on becoming self-supporting if you are not already employed or going to school.  Don't even worry about the first wife/girlfriend, she and her children do not even need to be on your radar as you have bigger problems right now.  Good luck. 

 

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#5 of 7 Old 02-29-2012, 02:52 AM
 
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I think you should proceed with caution, and assume your bf is still sleeping with his 'ex'.
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#6 of 7 Old 03-01-2012, 06:52 AM
 
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I was in a similar situation years ago.  My (now ex) bf was still living in the same house with his "ex" and children.  He told me they weren't together, but she was crazy and refused to move out...blah blah blah.  I still don't know if that was true or not, but needless to say the relationship didn't last.  Thank God we didn't have any children together and I was able to move on easily once I realized what a lying scum bag he was.

 

Anyway, have you ever met his ex or their children?  Does she even know you exist?  He's clearly lying to both of you.  You need to get some answers, and I can pretty much guarantee you won't get them from him. 


Sarah, partner to J and mom to DD1 April 30th, 2002 and DD2 May 5th, 2012. love.gif

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#7 of 7 Old 03-04-2012, 02:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbleMa View Post

, have you ever met his ex or their children?  Does she even know you exist?  He's clearly lying to both of you.  . 



Yes, that. greensad.gif
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