Not going to Court for Support or Custody? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 03-19-2012, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
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Child support and visitation are 2 totally different cases in the state of which my SD was born.  We went to court and got support set up for my husband and his high school girlfriend after we got married.  We had backpay and we paid the support through the court.  We didn't live in that state so we didn't got back to do visitation b/c her mom let her visit as much as we paid to come and get her.  We were only about 8 hours away at the time.  We went every 3 day weekend and she stayed during the summer.  i had a baby and my daughter was put on life support.  My husband lost his job b/c he wouldn't go back to work after all his leave was used b/c our daughter was sick.  They fired him for that but used that he was late twice for their reasons over 1 yr of working there.  Anyways....  She dropped the case b/c the state was going to go after him with a warrent.  We still continued to pay her directly.  As long as we pay her, there are no issues.  We moved away again and a 1 way plane ticket was over $1000, so visits then went to once a year.  Now we live where the ticket is about $600 a year, so she comes once a year, but we pay her cell and send packages every month so that we aren't just there for her during the summers.  Does anyone else do their child support and visitation this way? 

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#2 of 3 Old 03-21-2012, 11:23 AM
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If you are paying her directly, make sure you keep proof - receipts, copies of checks with "for child support" written on it. . .


Do you web video chat?  Windows live messenger or skipe are great.  Good for you on sending her packages ever month!

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#3 of 3 Old 03-21-2012, 03:34 PM
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My ex and I have never been to court, for anything.  


He offered an affordable, sustainable and fair amount for support, I accepted.  He pays.  And over the years, I did not try to track how his income was increasing and try to get more.  It worked.  When his income had increased a LOT - and remained that way for a long time - he offered to start paying more.  I actually felt uncomfortable about it, but accepted.  Basically, it has allowed me to choose a private school for the kids that truly meets their needs better than our public school.  My ex could've just paid tuition himself, instead, but this way I'm not relying on him to send a check to the school, on time every month (which he's not always perfect about...)


We agreed on a visitation schedule and have both been reasonable and let it evolve, as the kids have gotten older.  Week to week, we're also flexible.  If he travels for work, or one of us has something special going on it our family, we switch days.


If he moved, I'd expect him to pay for travel.  Then again, he's not in the military.  I had kids with a guy whose family owns an international business.  Him running it now allows him to pay support.  So it would be unreasonable of me to complain that he travels for work and tell him, "No!  If you're not going to take the kids on your night, you can't have them on my night!"  I think I'd look at the military the same way.  Moving is part of the deal.  Astronomical salaries (to pay for plane tickets) are not.  The important thing is that the kids get to see both parents.  So if I could, I think I'd help pay for airfare.

One woman in a house full of men:  my soul mate:    or... twin sons:(HS seniors) ... step-son:  (a sophomore) ... our little man:   (a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all:  our
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