I am so frustrated right now, and will come off as crappy I'm sure, and as a mother this is hard for me. But what about the cases where the mother's just suck? I am in quite the opposite situation. My husband found out he was a father because his son was a CHINS case. After 3 failed paternity tests he came up as the father. Now the child is months away from being 4 years old and this sorry excuse for a woman has seen him a total of i'll give her 6 months (to be nice) of his life. And that's not consecutive. Now i want her out of my life and his. She shows up for 1 visit a week for an hour, during that hour she watches the clock til she can leave. Every time I talk to her she is dying from some kind of something. I feel the only reason she wants anything to do with said child is so she has some access to the father. (she has verbally told me so). She hasn't had a job ever, so there's no support. I have grown to love this child as my own, and i want to adopt him. We were in court to get custody of him for a little over a year. And still she shows no interest in changing her ways. In court I will quote her saying "no i don't want custody, i just don't want the father to have him. He can stay a chins case" And i believe because we weren't married at the time is why they didn't withdraw custody??? Anyways there are some men who step up and be fathers and a few women that have no business having babies. She has 3 boys and sees none of them, unless it's to her convenience. Which isn't often. All 3 of them were chins cases.
So my husband (A MAN) was to a point he didn't even think he could have kids, lost the first year and a half of his sons life, stepped up and jumped through hoops to get custody, and got it, (in the state of Indiana) which is virtually impossible. And now we are an almost completely whole and happy family, except for the "mother" who occasionally pops in and out.
I have questions in their somewhere, but i want other people to know, there are good fathers out there. My question i guess is how can i get her rights signed away, i don't even care about support, we aren't getting it anyhow. I just want her gone!!!!
My husband also has sole custody of his son. His fight, too, was a lot longer and harder than it should have been, considering the circumstances.
Unfortunately, I don't think you can revoke the mother's parental rights unless she stops showing up for visits altogether. As long as she's in the picture, you should refrain from saying snide things back to her, when she's infuriating. Believe me, I understand the temptation! But if she's the kind of person who fought your DH getting custody, in court, even though she didn't want custody herself, you never know what you may wind up in court with her over, in the future. Don't give her fodder to say you bad-mouth her. Be the bigger person.
Your DSS will understand who makes the effort to take care of him, whether you're his adopted mother on paper, or not.
There's basically no limit on how many times the court system will toss kids back into the meat grinder that is their relationship with a crappy 'parent'. All you can do is make sure he has a good home life and try your best to minimize the hurt.
~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.