Help pregnant girlfriend to father of four - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-17-2012, 01:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am pregnant and seeking some advice. I am 28 and live with my boyfriend who is 42. All four of his children live with us. He has full custody of all of his children. Ages 22, 19, 10, and 8.....all boys. The two oldest boy have the same mother who has no parental rights to either of them and hasn't seen either of them since they were both very young. The two youngest boys also have the same mother who gets to see them every other weekend and on Wednesdays for four hours. With neither of the other mothers really in the picture I act as there mother. The 19 year old is very sick and also has a lot of learning disabilities. He will never be able to live on his own. The 22 year old has a job and girlfriend so he is rarely ever home. The 10 year old is very helpful and very understanding and loving to all around him. He did not take his parents divorce as hard as the 8 year old did. The 8 year old has always had everyone else around him there to do everything he needs/wants done. I love all of them with all of my heart and I couldn't have asked to have met such a wonderful man and children. However he feels guilty about certain things because of the divorce. ( the divorce was not caused because of him. She cheated. I just want to say we did not meet until two and a half years later) so he caters to his sons like they could never do anything wrong. I am usually the one to lay down the law. My main punishments for bad behavior is time out for the youngests and or no games, tv, and computer for anywhere from a few hours to a day. I am in my first trimester and am feeling very stressed. We had lost a baby a few months ago and had gotten the approval of my doctor to try again. Now that I am pregnant again I am feeling very overwhelmed. I can't seem to get everyone on the same page. I am trying to get a house full of five guys to pick up after themselves and learn to do as they are asked ( mostly the 19,10,8 year olds) the first time around without crying or complaining. The 10 year old seems to be the hardest to get to listen. I understand he is the baby of the family and has never had to be even slightly responsible for himself. Also dad is having a hard time sticking with what we agree on and punishing him every time he does something he's not supposed to do. I need help figuering out the best way to get everyone on track. As it is now there are toys everywhere and messes no one will admit to making!!!! Please help
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Old 06-20-2012, 11:29 PM
 
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Sounds like you need to have a good 'house meeting' and get the 'men' to all create their own agreements - let them generate what they are going to do to help, as well as what the consequences will be if they don't. I like with 12 kids (blended families), and we have to run a pretty tight ship in many ways to have things work for everyone. But we do everything (almost) democratically, and the kids do make good decisions when they understand what the impact of NOT doing things is on others. Good luck!


Jen - Partner to Joe, Craig, & Jordan grouphug.gif, mama to DS1 (7/13/99), DS2 (10/27/01), and DS3 (6/13/06), and DS4 born 12/13/12! Attachment Parent, co-sleeper, baby-wearer, Sudbury School founder & educator, PhD Candidate doing birth research, cloth diaper lover, GF (again), etc!novaxnocirc.gif

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