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#1 of 5 Old 08-08-2012, 07:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My step daughter (21), and her boyfriend left the apartment we rented them a huge mess.. I can't open the door without the smell  hitting me in the face.. 2 dogs, 1 cat.. they never cleaned up after them, nor let them out. Now the carpet and the new kitchen floor needs ripped up. they lived there for 8 months, and for most of that time her boyfriend was not working.  We tried asking them to come back to help clean up, but they have said no... So now what? 

 

We own the apartment.. We bought a house that is two apartments, we live in one and rent out the other one to earn a little money to help us with our bills.. This is only temporary until we complete renovations at the farm my inlaws own, so that we can move there and help my FIL & MIL run the farm. Last year my SD came to us looking to rent out the apartment, with promises to help us with the kids & house so that we can move. They were hoping to take over the apartments when we moved out (which we were more then happy to give them, as a nice start in life) We said yes, and put our life on hold to ready the apartment for them (it needed some TLC, and we gave it, even though it meant not working on the other house) They did not help us ready the apartment and ended up moving in before we said we were ready, promising they would finish it. We gave them a super deal, $400 all included even internet, so that my SD could save for school.

 

The problems started within the first week... I was in my kitchen and could hear this horrible sound (like a howl & cry combined) every time i walked over a certain spot. My lil'uns were concerned about it.. it scared them. So i messaged them to see if their dog was home & ok. No response. When my other half came home a little while later, i asked him to see if he could get a hold of them, to tell them their dog seems in trouble and would it be alright if we checked on it. No response. He heard the sound and went to check on it (it was killing me) He found two dogs in one tiny cage.. One big dog (pitbull/lab mix) and one tiny yorkie trapped in a cage that was too small for the big dog (it couldn't stand up or turn around). They had left that morning at 7am. They came home at 11pm. I am an animal lover.. I had to say something.  I told them it wasn't acceptable to lock two dogs in one small cage. They said they did it because the big dog chews everything, and pees everywhere. I told them, I would too if my parents locked me away from 7am-11pm. I explained that the dog wasn't the problem, that their problems would be solved if they walked the dog before they left and when they came home.  My SD told me it was her BF's dog and she was having a hard time convincing him to do that. We reached an agreement that they wouldn't lock the dog up for that long, nor in a cage too small with the other dog, and they would start walking it. I said they could call if they were going to be late and i would let the dog out for them. 

 

The next day i heard the noise again. I went to check. Yep two dogs.. one cage.. way too small. I took the dogs. I waited till the boyfriend came home, and told him if it happens one more time, the dog will be gone when he gets home. He told me to F-off. Nice guy... he went out and got a bigger cage that day.

 

I kept trying to hammer in his head (leaving SD out of it) that he really needed to walk the dog, and not keep it locked in the house for that long of a time...So he tied it to a my clothesline, and left for the day. It was winter and i wasn't using it i guess he figured. I found out b/c i heard a strange gargling sound while shoveling off my deck. It was his dog, near death from strangling itself. I ran over let it go, and brought it in the house. And then i messaged SD's BF. I told him it wasn't acceptable to tie a dog up outside then leave for the day.  I told him his dog almost died, and he was very lucky i decided to shovel my deck. Again, i was told to F-off.. This time i lost it. (and am very ashamed but he pushed a button, i exploded) I gave him a few choice words about his attitude, and lack of respect, and told him "either the dog goes or you do" 

 

My SD came to apologize for her BF (he still hides from me) and started walking the dog. Dec. BF lost his job. Yet SD still walked the dogs, and even shoveled the driveway (I'm really not quite sure what he did, but he never left the apartment) even though she was working long hours to cover their bills. (it was at this time we discovered that she was giving us $300 not $400 for rent, handing  us cash hoping we wouldn't count it, but we let it slide b/c BF wasn't working) I stopped talking about the dog at this point also, as he was home and i assumed he was being responsible for it.

 

This continued till they moved out..probably b/c of the smell. They weren't planning on telling us they were moving, we found out thanks to a future landlord calling to ask us for references. Rent has never been on time or without asking, And all the promises have gone to the wayside. 

 

I am gutted at the state of the apartment. He was home!! I've potty trained two lil'uns, and 4 puppies in the time they lived there..  My house doesn't smell that bad.nor is that dirty.. It gets worse..We had hooked up an Air Exchanger in the beginning to help SD with her allergies.. BF had beat the switches off at some point. 

 

We do not have the money or time to fix it. We had hoped to rent it out again, but the money we would have to put into it is beyond our means. We were struggling as it was, trying to renovate, move, and start our farm. I'm at a loss at what to do.. How do i get out of this hole? We threw them a rope, and they pulled us in, instead of climbing out. The stress of the house and the farm was enough to put Papa & I into MC.. at our last appointment, she told us not to take anymore on b/c the stress is killing our relationship.. And now we have this to deal with. What Would You Do?

 

Sorry for the book.. I am so lost in this situation...

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#2 of 5 Old 08-08-2012, 10:32 AM
 
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I'd try and save the money to fix the apartment up, or find someone who was willing to fix it up instead of paying the first few months rent (DH and I did this once when we were pretty broke. We moved into an apartment that needed a lot of work and cleaned and ripped up carpet, etc for the first two months). She is your SD, and she is obviously in a terrible relationship. I know she has shorted you money, and not paid on time, and has a terrible boyfriend, but it sounds like she is working her butt off to make ends meet here and is just in a situation she needs to get OUT of.

 

Not to side with the dog abuser (because I AM glad that you got that situation taken care of), but what business did you have in their apartment? If they were renting from you, and you are allowed to get upset about landlord-y things (like rent not being on time, or having to ask for it) than you have to act like a landlord too. You cant just walk into a tenant's apartment with no notice if you expect people to act like you are the landlord and they are the tenant.

 

Did they ever help you out with the kids?

 

The boyfriend is a POS and the sooner your SD can get away from him the better. I wouldnt sue them or anything like that, because it's just likely to keep her in the relationship for longer and make it to where when she does leave she cant come to you for help. It seems like she is really embarrassed for her BF's behavior, and she cant do it all- work, school, and keep the place clean. She should have told you she was moving, and she should have cleaned the apartment. I would call her and ask her to come over for dinner, without BF. Express that you feel like you've been slighted, and that you cannot afford to clean up her mess. You want to stay on amiable terms with her, but is there anyway that she could help you fix the place up to get it ready to rent? You know she is busy, but the state of the apartment is unacceptable.


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Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

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#3 of 5 Old 08-08-2012, 11:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for replying..  

 

I've been thinking about looking for a tenant that doesn't mind doing work in lieu of rent, but i think it may be beyond that.. floors & walls need to come out and be replaced.. I would be very blessed to find someone willing to take on the job, it's a lot of work. And I worry about getting Burnt worse.

 

I love my SD and she takes no blame for the mess.. she works really hard to support herself, and her BF, and i know she is embarrassed, and just as gutted by the situation. When we discussed the dog and her BF, she told me she has a really hard time confronting him without him reacting badly, as i found out first hand. I've also found out he takes out his anger towards us out on her (blames her etc)  My heart goes out to my DSD and if i could get her out of this situation with her BF I would.  We had a great talk about how he treats her (her shovelling while he does??) and how she would feel if that dog was her child, I had hoped she would think about losing this POS. I think she is afraid to leave him. 

 

She was put into this relationship by her mother when she was 16.. at the time her father and I looked into getting custody, but were told there was no point. When she was 16 her mother left her Stepfather, and moved school districts to live with her new BF (married him 3m after) As she was in a new relationship and wanted a little freedom, she gave SD the choice of moving schools & living with her or staying in school & living with BF and his family. We had a room at our house, but thanks to some PAS by Mother, she didn't feel 'comfortable' living with us (I was also pregnant with her sister & was hoping she could live us and bond with her) She also had the option of living @ the farm with my inlaws. As i think most 16yr olds would.. she decided living w/ boyfriend sounded fun. No rules, and she can pretend to be grown up. We were upset, and saw a lawyer at the time, and were told that b/c of her age we had no choice but to let her do what she wanted if her Custodial parent was okay with it. She lived with him, her grades went down, but she did finish and graduate high school. She also managed (thanks to my inlaws) to get a full scholarship to university. His parents told her it was okay to quit 2 months in. She's been supporting their son ever since. It's a horrible situation. I only wish i knew how to get her out of it. Before she starts a family with this dude.

 

I wasn't happy about having to enter their space.. but it was the only way to stop the noise that was terrifying my lil'uns and my conscience. I did message & call to see if it was okay but they didn't respond. It was a tough decision. I think a landlord would have done the same,especially if other tenants were calling,, as they weren't responding i got concerned that maybe it wasn't the dog. I knocked, and banged (which made the noise worse)  I could have called the police i guess, and i did think about calling the SPCA. I didn't just walk in.. this was hours after the noise first started.

 

They helped once.. and left halfway through babysitting.. called someone else to come watch them so she could go. After that they hid from us, never home, always busy.. excuses.

 

 

Quote:
The boyfriend is a POS and the sooner your SD can get away from him the better. I wouldnt sue them or anything like that, because it's just likely to keep her in the relationship for longer and make it to where when she does leave she cant come to you for help.

 Yes i think so too.. We've been trying to keep calm, and left her out of it. Papa messaged her BF about the mess His dog left, and asked when he might be able to come help rip up the floors.. BF said "No I'm not ripping up any carpet."  Papa lost it. I took him out of cell phone range so he couldn't make things worse.  He messaged her to tell her we always have a place for her, and that we feel the relationship isn't healthy, and whenever she's ready our arms are open. That she should question being with someone who so quickly is willing to treat her father with so much disrespect. He called BF's parents - got his brother - but left a message about the mess and BF's attitude about cleaning it. 

We would love to have a sit down conversation with her alone, but that isn't possible as her BF doesn't let her go anywhere without him. (very controlling) I think she knows what this has done to us (Papa vented to the inlaws as he was there when he got the text) And I'm sure her GM would have told her how much this affects not just us but the whole extended family as well. My inlaws have a huge need for us to move and help them out. Running a farm at 75 isn't an easy feat. We need to be there to help, and now are set back months.

 

I am at a loss as to how to help her, we've even suggested family counseling for her and her papa, but until she ditches the BF, I doubt she will go. As for the apartment.. I'll talk to papa about renting it to someone who wants to work on it..and cross my fingers.

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#4 of 5 Old 08-08-2012, 12:01 PM
 
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Craigslist, that's where we found our free, but needs work apartment. interview people. Sometimes new couples will do anything to make a home for themselves. We took the deal because of having complete decoration freedom. I painted my kitchen bright orange (it was amazing, seriously. I was so in love.), which no other rental situation would have allowed me to do. We ripped out 50 years of lineolium underneath cat pee carpet- and I know there are other people like me out there.


Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

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#5 of 5 Old 08-09-2012, 12:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We talked about bringing someone in who doesn't mind working on it before they move in.. Papa has a friend who might take on the job.  SD called after we sent a text telling her we loved her, we don't hold her accountable for the mess and our arms will always be open.. She's coming by tonight to clean it.. We'll see if BF comes too (really he should have to do it all by himself.. she's done enough.) Hopefully he decides to stay away, and Papa can have a better discussion with his DD alone. She needs help.. She needs to see he doesn't treat her well, and that abuse doesn't have to be physical (although I worry he's crossed that line..if he's so quick to launch a verbal assault on us & beat up a machine to get back at us, what else?) 

 

Thank you again, After rereading, I realize the mess in the apartment is only a small problem.. 

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