Alternating Holdays versus Split Holidays - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 10-12-2012, 11:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We don't always get my SD for the holidays.  We can only get her for the New Year's Week but not on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, b/c that is when her mom's side of the family celebrates. 

 

I am active duty so we are never anywhere close.  So as we save up money we try to get her to be with us for the second 1/2 of the Christmas break.  (The year before last was a $1327 ticket b/c it was across the country)

 

My huband had asked years ago about it, and was completely shut down by the BM.  Is it too much to ask again, and have her here for the whole holiday?

 

We don't have "visitation rights' b/c in our state it was a separate case to child support.  We never had really any issues as long as it didn't come in conflict with BMs plans and as long as we always pay 100%, and pay cs when she is with us.  So when we are told no, then no it is....

 

What would be the best way to ask her if my husband asked the BM if the SD could come for the whole break?  Do you think she will say no again?

 

Another thought...  How about ask her this year about starting to alternate Christmas' next year?  That would give her a whole year to know it is coming, and to know this year that next year she would be with her dad. 


 

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"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."

Richard Bach

 

 

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#2 of 6 Old 10-13-2012, 11:11 AM
 
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With that long of a distance, I think it is more common for the NCP to have the whole break for Spring and Fall, and then to split Christmas break (assuming both parents celebrate Christmas/a winter holiday), plus a few weeks or most of the summer.  I do not have any personal experience with this though.

 

I agree that perhaps you should put it out there this year, but not be too disappointed if her mom says no and then work on it over the coming year. 

 

Have you (meaning your dh of course) considered getting a parenting plan in place to avoid this kind of conflict/confusion?


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#3 of 6 Old 10-13-2012, 11:26 AM
 
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We live across the country from my husband's ex, and in general we don't split holidays. She is either here or there for the entire break. The exception is her two-week Christmas break, which we split with mom on alternating years (so one year she's with us the whole time, alternate years she spends half of it (the half with Christmas) with mom and the other half with us.

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#4 of 6 Old 10-15-2012, 12:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by greenemami View Post

 

I agree that perhaps you should put it out there this year, but not be too disappointed if her mom says no and then work on it over the coming year.   Thanks.  I told my husband, and he is just going to ask for next year so it just doesn't put the BM in a bad position.  So I hope all goes well....

 

Have you (meaning your dh of course) considered getting a parenting plan in place to avoid this kind of conflict/confusion?

My DH hasn't done anything like that  He is a spurt of the moment type of person.  What is this?  I am def a planner.  I would love to help him get this started, and him present it to the BM.  You would think I would know what this, been married almost 10 years, but I have no idea.  How do I go about making one up for him to fill out?


 

Quote:

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."

Richard Bach

 

 

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#5 of 6 Old 10-15-2012, 01:13 PM
 
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Dad is being silly for not having a definite visitation order. Without one, Mom is under no obligation to give him any time at all.

 

My ex and I live 6 hours apart, so we alternated holidays. If I had TDay w/e, he got Christmas break until 12/26, I got until 1/1. And he got Spring break. If he had TDay w/e, the rest swapped around. At some point, we agreed that I would get end of school - 12/26 every year, and he would get 12/26 until the day before school started back.
 

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#6 of 6 Old 10-15-2012, 06:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by WorkingMom30 View Post
 

 If your dsd's mom and husband agree on the parenting plan, I believe they can just file it with the court, but I don't know the specifics of that-it has never happend for us, lol.  Otherwise, your husband would need to file for partial custody with the court where your dsd lives, I believe.  Here, they would be sent to mediation.  If they agreed on a parenting plan there, it would be as simple as getting it signed off on  by the court.  If they cannot agree, they would then be assigned a court date and the judge would ultimately decide.  (This is just what has happened in my state, so it could be different elsewhere.  Also, I'm not sure how they deal with the long distance, but I assume your dh would be expected to be present in person for mediation and the court date.) 

 

The parenting plan can be as simple or as detailed as you like really, providing dsd's mom agrees to it.  I would start by outlining the parenting time you already have and/or what you would like it to be, then detailing where dsd goes for holidays/school breaks, who provides or pays for transportation, etc.  You may also address what happens if dsd has plans during school breaks, such as a job or sports team, that would prevent her from travelling to you since she is getting older. 

 

I hope that helps- I think just getting things down on paper can eliminate so much fighting between parents a lot of the time, since it is all just done "by the book."  Good luck!


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