Hello, I'm new here and new to forums etc,
I have 2 kids aged 7 and 15 my boyfriend has 2 kids age 6 and 7 and a step daughter age 14 (that he doesn't really bother with)
my problem is everything lol....
I feel when he has his kids 3 nights a week he doesnt want me and my youngest involved, he has stopped us going round in a school week as he says he needs time with his kids alone, we are just allowed out with them on a sunday, this i feel is unfair if we are going to have a life together and eventually move in together, we have been together 2 years but known each other as friends for much longer including the kids etc....i feel like my little one loses out as he has 2 kids that play together, mine however is alone, so while hes got his kids out and about mine is stuck in with no one to play with except me...he doesnt seem to care about my kids, just his and their interests....
he always coming mine but as soon as he has his kids hes gone!
its feels like he doesnt want me and my child involved with anything with his kids, his kids like me and my kids although they do fall out sometimes over petty things.
I just dont know what to do, ive talked to him about it but he gets angry and says the same old stuff......he also wants holidays alone with his kids, this makes it hard as i havent got the money hes got to take my kids away all the time.
i have to add my ex husband only sees my youngest 5 hours a week and does nothing for them and takes them nowhere, i feel trapped and lost, i feel i need my bf to help me out here but hes too busy with his work and kids to even bother about my needs.....
I could go on and on :(
Hope someone can help, even if I am to blame!
I know he has his kids best interests at heart and I know he needs time with them alone, but I feel we are getting pushed away more and more, he said he wants a future with me.....maybe if my kids dad was more involved and more helpful then I wouldnt feel so pushed out, I just feel for my kids and feel they dont have a dad that cares and now my boyfriend doesnt care about them either and it breaks my heart! I love that he loves his kids, but his kids want us there, they love us going round and for days out, I feel maybe hes a little jealous as they are all over me when we are there and not him!
I just feel if we are planning to be together one day then we need to get the kids together and let them know how its all going to be, and treat them all the same.....
its all just too much at the minute, i talk and talk to him but he just cant see my point of view at all.......
we have different lives too, he has money, has free time when his kids arnt there, can come and go as he pleases, me on the other hand, work and look after my kids alone, no one around to help, i feel trapped and i feel hes not helping me in anyway, we have been through a lot together but i feel if he cant see my point of view and how its making me and my kids feel, then we cant go on..............
hes the type of guy who brushes everything under the carpet and hopes it will all go away...
Thanks for your reply, you gave some good points :) really appreciate it x
I agree. Not unless you are married and even then it can be 50/50.
If I were you I'd find new friends and find friends for your children. Stay busy enough with your life that it won't matter what he is or isn't doing. Don't make him the focus of your life or make your life revolve around him. He's just a man.
46-year-old single (divorced), self-employed working, home schooling, part-time college student mommy to:
19 yr old
12 yr old
5 yr old