This is a two-parter, but about the same subject so I thought I would inquire about them in one post.
First, I was wondering how you introduce your family/ discuss your family in an introduction (say, in a mom's group, yoga class, to a new teacher, etc) where you are asked about yourself, or asked if you have any children. When I am in a place like this where it is typical to give more back story, I can easily type "I am the mom of 4 boys- I have two from a previous relationship, a stepson, and a new baby- brother to all 3." I have found when I am in one of those intro-situations, giving a lot of back story is a little awkward. I have started simply saying I am the mom of 4 boys... Though when asked recently by a stranger if my baby "was my first", I said no I have 3... but then felt weird not including my stepson. I was just curious how other moms in blended families handle these sorts of introductions and replies.
Second... We don't tend to stress labels like "step" and "half" in our home. (our boys are 5.5, 6, 6.5, and 7 mos). Sometimes it comes up, the boys just making sense of things- bringing up who's a step-whatever etc.But usually they just say 'brother.'. My stepson is in K this year and I have noticed lately this is coming up more and more (his mom is about to have a baby, so maybe identity interest is coming from that situation or her, or schoolmates...) But he's suddenly gotten really insistent on labeling all 3 of the other boys as "step", which isn't even accurate for the baby. Or saying "They aren't my REAL brothers"... I just king of let it go when I hear him say it, figuring he is just trying to make sense of things... Though in the past we have given him previous impressions of what a bio/ step/ half sibling/parent is, and which labels fall where in our family, so it's weird he is stuck on this 'step' thing. Whatever. But then the other day he brought it up to my husband- his dad- who was on his laptop and clearly giving shrug off answers to his son while he worked. Stepson asks: "J is my stepbrother, right?" H: "yep" SS:"A is my stepbrother too" "uh-huh".. SS: "Aaaand B (his half-brother) is my stepbrother too!" H: "uh-huh". Wait. Ok, I know it's all labels, but it irked me that he reinforced his son into calling his actual biological brother "step", especially when I know at his mom's he isn't being encouraged to label his new sibling step or half, so it feels like this stigma that only bio-moms kids are his "real" siblings.
I suppose, too, that my real issue isn't about my stepson learning about labels, but that in a family- especially one that blended when all the kids were very young- I don't like the labeling at all. WHY should these little guys even be encouraged to separate "real" and "half" and "step" siblings when they probably can't even remember life before them? The KNOW who their bio and step parents are and are aware of the special bond they have with them, So stressing the point of separation seems moot to me. If we had adopted a baby, it would not be referred to as "step" or the like, it would simply be their brother/ sister.
Just wondering how other blended families see/ handle this!
First, I was wondering how you introduce your family/ discuss your family in an introduction (say, in a mom's group, yoga class, to a new teacher, etc) where you are asked about yourself, or asked if you have any children. When I am in a place like this where it is typical to give more back story, I can easily type "I am the mom of 4 boys- I have two from a previous relationship, a stepson, and a new baby- brother to all 3." I have found when I am in one of those intro-situations, giving a lot of back story is a little awkward. I have started simply saying I am the mom of 4 boys... Though when asked recently by a stranger if my baby "was my first", I said no I have 3... but then felt weird not including my stepson. I was just curious how other moms in blended families handle these sorts of introductions and replies.
Second... We don't tend to stress labels like "step" and "half" in our home. (our boys are 5.5, 6, 6.5, and 7 mos). Sometimes it comes up, the boys just making sense of things- bringing up who's a step-whatever etc.But usually they just say 'brother.'. My stepson is in K this year and I have noticed lately this is coming up more and more (his mom is about to have a baby, so maybe identity interest is coming from that situation or her, or schoolmates...) But he's suddenly gotten really insistent on labeling all 3 of the other boys as "step", which isn't even accurate for the baby. Or saying "They aren't my REAL brothers"... I just king of let it go when I hear him say it, figuring he is just trying to make sense of things... Though in the past we have given him previous impressions of what a bio/ step/ half sibling/parent is, and which labels fall where in our family, so it's weird he is stuck on this 'step' thing. Whatever. But then the other day he brought it up to my husband- his dad- who was on his laptop and clearly giving shrug off answers to his son while he worked. Stepson asks: "J is my stepbrother, right?" H: "yep" SS:"A is my stepbrother too" "uh-huh".. SS: "Aaaand B (his half-brother) is my stepbrother too!" H: "uh-huh". Wait. Ok, I know it's all labels, but it irked me that he reinforced his son into calling his actual biological brother "step", especially when I know at his mom's he isn't being encouraged to label his new sibling step or half, so it feels like this stigma that only bio-moms kids are his "real" siblings.
I suppose, too, that my real issue isn't about my stepson learning about labels, but that in a family- especially one that blended when all the kids were very young- I don't like the labeling at all. WHY should these little guys even be encouraged to separate "real" and "half" and "step" siblings when they probably can't even remember life before them? The KNOW who their bio and step parents are and are aware of the special bond they have with them, So stressing the point of separation seems moot to me. If we had adopted a baby, it would not be referred to as "step" or the like, it would simply be their brother/ sister.
Just wondering how other blended families see/ handle this!