Blended family, new marriage & baby. What should our last name be? - Mothering Forums
Blended and Step Family Parenting > Blended family, new marriage & baby. What should our last name be?
letniaLynne's Avatar letniaLynne 02:45 PM 01-14-2013
I have been divorced for a few years now and before my ex moved to the other coast he let me change the 2 girls last name to my maiden name smile.gif It is wonderful for all of us to match! Now I am getting married to my best friend of 10 years and we are pregnant with our first child. This has made us think hard about our new last name together and how it will effect all the children.
The 2 girls want his last name but I don't think my ex will allow another change so I was thinking about leaving them with my maiden name and adding my DH's last name with a hyphen to the end of mine. My DH was going to do something similar add my maiden name with a hyphen before his last name so we would match. Then we would give the new babies we had together just his last name. The one major problem with this is that he has a very ethnic first and last name and our last names are long and don't really sound nice together greensad.gif. Otherwise I like the way our blending of names respect all the children.
My kids- stay with my maiden name
Me- maiden+his (hyphenated)
His- maiden+his (hyphenated)
New kids- his

My other thought is that I speak with my husband to be and see if he would take my last name so that everyone will have the same last name. I really love this solution except the way that my last name sounds with my Husband to be's first name since its so unique of a name. Also I think he is very traditional and is having trouble mentally about giving up his last name.

I would love to hear everyone's opinion on the choices or any others you might be able to think of smile.gif

kblackstone444's Avatar kblackstone444 09:00 PM 01-14-2013

My last name and my younger son's last name is Sch**f*r.  My older son's last name is L*f*bvr*e.  My fiance and his children's last names are K*lt*n.  My older son is 17, so he's ready to make a life of his own- he has his own last name and doesn't care either way what everyone else is called.  The baby's father has a different last name than the baby, and he has minimal involvement in the baby's life, but it would be a cold day in Hell before he consents to letting me change the baby's last name to anything but HIS last name, which is not happening.  So... when I marry my fiance, my last name will be S******r-K****n and everyone else will keep their last names.  Any future children will have the last name of K****n, like my fiance.  If, in the event I can eventually change my youngest's last name to K*****, I will drop the Sch**f*r part of my last name and just go with K*lt*n.

greenemami's Avatar greenemami 07:15 PM 01-15-2013

In your case I would probably keep my name, have fiance keep his name, and then hyphenate any future kids' names.  I could also see giving future kids just his or just my name though, it could work either way. 


In my  family, I am the only one with a different last name-it hasn't been a big deal, but I don't know how your fiance would feel about it.  My dsd has the same last name as my kids and her dad, but has a different last name than her mom/stepdad + siblings at her mom's house and she seems okay with it-she will occasionally sign her name as Dad's last name-Mom's (new) last name on homework, etc.  When she was little, she sometimes insisted that her last name was the same as her mom's (mom reverted back to her maiden name after the divorce, then took her 2nd husband's name when they got married-confusing, sorry!), but it was not a huge issue, at least at our house. 


All that to say, don't overthink it :) You would probably get used to the sound of the hyphenated names, or you could unofficially use any combinatino of names without making it legal, etc.  Good luck!

mamatoemily's Avatar mamatoemily 08:30 AM 03-11-2013

After my XH and I split up, I changed our DD's name to be hyphenated with both of ours.  Now I am due with Baby #2 with my husband...the baby will take his last name and I have my last name and his last name at least I have both the names of both my children.  It gets complicated!

thefreckledmama's Avatar thefreckledmama 09:00 PM 05-05-2013

My 4 kids with my ex husband have his last name, as do I. When this baby comes, she will have my fiance's name.  When we get married I'm going to legally hyphenate my last name, so that I'm easily identifiable as all of my children's mother, but in day to day life, I will likely just use my fiance's last name. It was the simplest solution, because it made me sad to have a different last name than any of my children-especially since they're still young. My ex would never consider letting me change the kids' names to my maiden name or my new married name once remarried-especially since our son is named after him.


If your girls are OK with changing their name when you get married and change yours, it's definitely worth at least asking your ex. Worst case scenario, he says no.  

shenny07's Avatar shenny07 05:29 AM 05-06-2013
Growing up I was the only one with my last name in my household. And to be honest it bothered me sometimes. Especially because I am ah racial and my two siblings and mother are not so people always looked at me like I was different than them. Several times my sister has introduced me to her friends and they couldn't get past it and would correct her that I must be her half sister. Ugh that irritated me.

So when I was divorced and later remarried I stressed for ever over the name situation. My husband I briefly considered changing both our names to something different because he had children from a previous marriage too and I didn't want my son the oddball.

I didn't actually change my last name to new married name for two maybe three years after we got married.

I ended up dropping my middle name and using my first husbands name as my middle and my current husbands name as my last that way on school papers I can chose to sign my whole name but on day to dayvI don't have to use it.

Seven years later some days I am satisfied with the compromise. Some days I wish I didn't still have his name. He is not a stellar person and he hasn't been in our lives since ds was 2 and he is now 13 but trying to track him down for a name change is not really an option.

There is my two cents
kblackstone444's Avatar kblackstone444 07:18 AM 05-06-2013
Originally Posted by shenny07 View Post

Seven years later some days I am satisfied with the compromise. Some days I wish I didn't still have his name. He is not a stellar person and he hasn't been in our lives since ds was 2 and he is now 13 but trying to track him down for a name change is not really an option.


You may not have to track him down at this point- it would probably be considered abandonment by the court, therefore you would win by default.