My husband and I have been married for seven years and have know each other for ever so our kids have known each other for life too. We have six kids he came to the relationship with three and me with one. We now how two together. Ages range from almost 16 to 9 weeks.
Things have been ok over the years normal ups and downs but ok and at least manageable but lately things are awful.
We have recently went thru a huge amount of change sweet a transition period was expected but I am out and out miserable.
In March we moved. I had the newest addition to our family my ds13 came back home full time and dss15 moved in full time. So in a matter of days I went from a working mom with 1 full time child dd3 to stay at home mom of four.
We can not seem to find a happy medium for everyone. I am so unhappy. Ds13 is a straight A student and athlete but is Adhd and when he is rebounding off his meds at night is ridiculous and out of control worse then the toddler. dss15 is socially awkward and has behavioral.issues and been expelled from school.and his mom won't take him anymore which is why he is here he is sweet and polite but can't stay out of trouble and he is a bully not mean on purpose but he is a rough housing and mouthy to other son. My three year old is getting no attention because of all the older boys issues and now she is acting up and hitting and even peeing herself.
Every day its constant bickering and hollering I have pulled out every reward system and parenting goodness I can imagine now I am just angry and fed up. God help me I don't know how much more I can take and I have no idea what to do. No one is happy and its killing me.
I am sorry I am.not sure I even no where this post was going and i don't even have time to finish it have to go referee again. please pray for my family thanks for listening
I'm so sorry you are going through this right now - I am the step-mom to 2 DSS's and even without the addition of extra children, they can be a handful. Are you familiar with Ron Deal's book, The Smart Stepmom? It has been a life-saver! You may be able to pick it up at the local library. Praying for you and your family!!!
Thank you for the reply I will look into the book. I am so torn and feel like a failure. I am trying so hard to keep a balance and no one is happy. I am trying to be fair and equal but do know how anymore. Lately I feel like there are no happy moments. Where did my family go??
Your family has gone through a HUGE change, I would be surprised if everything was going smoothly! It is normal for there to be chaos and behaviour issues with this type of transition, an of course you feel frustrated! It will take a while for everyone to adjust, what is important is routine, consistency, and communication. Is your partner able to help? Do you both agree on house rules and how to implement them (such as no rough-housing, name calling, bullying, etc) and enforce them? I would have a clear list of what is expected from the 13 and 15 yo's, communicate it with them and then keep on it. If possible, get to a good marriage and family therapist asap to help you handle it, and help the kids adjust. Hang in there!!!
"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston
Its really hard on him i am sure he has never had and discipline or structure in his life. He has never ever been held accountable for his own actions and has almost be trained to blame everyone else for his problems. And i feet bad for that. He is in alien territory. But its still hard to watch.
But now that I think about it, it worries me a little bit because there was an incident three years ago when he was mad at his grandmother so told his then counselor she was abusing him. Which was a ridiculous accusation but was reported and was a huge mess. Then when he realized what a big deal it was he re canted his story and said he dreamt it. A year or two later he admitted that he did it because she didn't give him the laptop she had bought him for Christmas because there was a huge fight Christmas day when she hid it and pretended she didn't buy it and he threw a fit a ruined dinner so she took it back.
Man our family sounds so screwed up