Can't trust 9 yr old stepson around our small children - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 06-12-2013, 11:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband and I have been together for 7 year and have a 3yr old son and 5 yr old daughter. He also has a 9 year old son from previous relationship. A year ago the 9 yr old came to live with us. He has always had behavior problems so it was a pretty huge adjustment to have him all the time with no outside family (including his mother to help). The past few months have been going pretty well other than onen incident where my 5yr old said he kept trying to get her take her clothes off and was trying to get her to play "the sex game". The pediatrician said it could just be curiosity at his age. We talked to the kids about what was appropriate  and what was not and have tried to make sure he is never alone with the little ones. Then the other night we were all down stairs watching a movie and heard my 3yr old son hysterically screaming. We ran upstairs and the older boy had the little ones pants off and was holding him down to the ground trying to cover his mouth from the screams. I demanded my husband take his son and find a place to live as he can no longer in the same house as my children. My husbsand thinks we can all live together with counseling and what not. Who's right? (either way I've made up my mind, but I'd like some outside input)

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#2 of 10 Old 06-12-2013, 01:04 PM
 
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Hobby, I'm so sorry, this sounds like an incredibly heartbreaking situation.  I see you and your husband each trying to do the right thing by some of the kids, and I have no idea how to do the right thing by all of them. 

 

I agree, however, that it's not safe for the nine year-old to be around your younger children right now.  To me, this would be an emergency requiring that I do whatever was needed to get help from a therapist expert in issues of child sexual abuse, as soon as possible. 

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#3 of 10 Old 06-12-2013, 01:29 PM
 
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I don't "belong" in here. I just wanted to say I'm sorry you are goin' through this. What a horrible situation. And I would do the same as you, view this as an emergency situation where the kids need to be separated while you figure this out. I would get a therapist asap.

Thinking of your family.

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#4 of 10 Old 06-14-2013, 08:17 PM
 
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Have you made a therapy appointment yet? He cannot and should not be alone with the other kids, which will be stressful. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It is possible that with counseling and therapy and lots of work, it may be a safe environment at some point. But in the meantime, no, not safe at all. I would put a door alarm on the outside of his door so you will hear if he opens it at night (they are cheap), and keep your kids in your bedroom until you get this figured out.


"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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#5 of 10 Old 06-14-2013, 08:39 PM
 
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It sounds like he has been sexually abused and is acting out what he has experienced. I don't buy the pediatrician's justification.... his behavior is too extreme for that. Curiosity would be asking her once or twice to take her pants off. And the "sex game"? O_o Where did he get that from? Definitely he needs to be evaluated and get some help, whether or not it does turn out he has been sexually abused, but that possibility should be considered. I agree that you need a plan to keep your kids safe, but your stepson's problems also need to be addressed at their root or they're not going to go away and he's going to be headed down a very difficult road. 


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#6 of 10 Old 06-16-2013, 10:53 AM
 
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I agree with all the PPs, and I'm so sad that you all have to go thru this. I've been in a very similar situation. Protecting the littles is definitely priority #1, and that just can't be something that gets compromised on, which it sounds like you definitely know already. Your stepson needs someone to fight for him too, and get him real help, and I'm glad it sounds like your husband is on board with that. Some parents aren't, even when the warning signs and problems become glaringly obvious. greensad.gif
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#7 of 10 Old 06-16-2013, 12:58 PM
 
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Your stepson needs to leave.  The best choice may be a therapeutic foster home where he is the only child and can receive intensive 24/7 therapy to save him from himself.  His behavior will continue without a major intervention.  A once-a-week visit to a child psychologist will not be enough.  Do not compromise. 


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#8 of 10 Old 06-16-2013, 01:45 PM
 
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Are there any trusted extended family members that could help facilitate separating the kids w/o introducing more upheaval into their worlds?

ITA that once-a-week therapy is next to worthless right now, but depending on his personality, a therapeutic foster home could do extra damage, even if they're well-trained. Or it might help him, but given the little we already know abt his history, I'd tread lightly in areas that could create even more attachment disorders...
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#9 of 10 Old 06-16-2013, 01:56 PM
 
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o_O That kid would not be living in my house. I understand how your husband feels, and the poor kid was probably abused himself..but I would protect mine at all cost.


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#10 of 10 Old 06-27-2013, 11:06 AM
 
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Any update, hobby95?


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