Vent: Why do you demand things that you don't really want?!? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 3 Old 08-14-2013, 02:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The question is for my ex husband. He dragged out our divorce for over a year and spent hours and hours in mediation with me because he was insisting on joint custody and 50/50 time at each house. We ended up with me as sole physical custodian, joint legal custody but with me having final call on issues in the case of a disagreement (medical, education, religion issues), I had every Monday and Tuesday, he had every Wednesday and Thursday and we alternated Friday, Saturday and Sunday every other week. Holidays were divided evenly as well. After all that my ex has NEVER had my son 50% of the time. It was always one excuse or another about why he was "too busy". In the past five months he has visited my son ONCE! He doesn't call or send notes. The first day of school was Monday. My ex knows this but he has not called to ask DS how it went. It just pisses me off that court wasn't really about my ex wanting to be part DS's life, it was all about fighting me! He also owes thousands of dollars in child support arrears (the office of child support enforcement is handling it so I don't have to do anything). I am very nice and supportive of my ex seeing DS because I think the relationship is important. Ex and I never fight. But I am starting to feel like telling him off because it seems like he doesn't really care about DS. My current DH thinks I am way too nice and that I need to say something. I am really mad that ex doesn't seem to really care about DS at all!  

 

Thanks for letting me put that out there!


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#2 of 3 Old 08-14-2013, 04:02 PM
 
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How long has it been since the custody order was finalized?  Has he never adhered to that schedule and is it documented?  I would consider trying to get that custody order modified officially to show the actual schedule if you can.  It may affect the child support and taxes, plus it will keep him from occasionally trying to take the kids 50% of the time should it ever be beneficial to him in some way (i.e. impressing a girlfriend, etc.?) If you think it will just lead to a big fight, you could just wait it out and if he ever tries to do that take him to court over it them, just make sure you are documenting that he is not taking his time at all. 

 

I'm just curious, but how do you have sole physical custody if you technically share 50/50 physical custody on paper?


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#3 of 3 Old 08-15-2013, 05:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi greenemami, It's been about 4 years since the order was finalized. I don't really have any documentation on paper. I would probably have to subpoena teachers and other witnesses to testify that he has not picked up or dropped off DS at school and that he has not been visiting. He travels a lot so plane records would show that he was not in town. BTW his travel is not for work. I actually have no idea where he lives right now. The court agreement does require him to provide me with a current address but he has not complied. I will probably wait to modify the court order until I know where to serve him. (he already lost all rights to another child from a different relationship for not visiting). Also I always like to have an attorney and that cost $$$ so I will hold off until I can't. He can't claim DS on taxes unless his child support is current and even then he can only claim him every other year. He did not get a parenting allowance aka deduction in child support for the 50% visitation time so there would be no change in child support when we go to court. On paper the court order reads that I am sole physical custodian and that his visitation is 50 percent of the time. We share joint legal custody but with all final decisions deferred to my judgement. In GA the court does not like to grant joint physical custody so they usually choose one physical custodian and then determine visitation. Also they insist that if you have joint legal custody that you have one person as having the final say. That way if mom wants to send the kid to private school and the dad wants to send the kid to public, or the mom wants to get the kid a medical treatment of some kind and the dad doesn't, it doesn't always wind up in court with people battling over whether or not the kid is going to get braces or some other dumb stuff. Visitation tends to be viewed more as a right than a responsibility. So if I didn't go get DS from school I am in trouble for child abandonment. If he doesn't go get DS from school then he just didn't choose to exercise his right to visitation and it's now my responsibility to go get DS. Of course with the arrears and the lack of visitation over the years I can make a case for child abandonment.
 


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