Separation. What worked/didn't work for you? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 11-18-2013, 01:58 PM - Thread Starter
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My DH and I have decided to separate. We have talked about divorce many times over our 3 year marriage. We love each other very much, but have significant issues to work through in our marriage. We have 7 kids between us. Since we married it has been one challenge after another about parenting, building our family as a unit, and simply dealing with the dynamics of raising 7 kids (many with emotional/developmental needs).

We have done couples therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, lots and lots of work on this marriage. Without going into everything, we are choosing to try separation as a last resort to give this marriage the best possible outcome. Our goal is some time alone to sort things out, time away from the day to day stressors, and time to "date" to rebuild the foundation.

My DH is in an apartment with his kids. So far we have seen each other every day. Mostly from picking kids up at school, going to church, I brought dinner over for them, and they have been moving stuff out. We are planning a family dinner at least once per week, and probably some sleepovers.

My question is- what has worked for you during a separation? How often did you communicate or see each other? Was it better to stay in contact or have complete separation? Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated smile.gif
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#2 of 2 Old 11-18-2013, 08:25 PM
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Just some food for thought... 4 years ago, my ex-husband decided to randomly leave me.  We were friendly, so I thought, and I had a son, then 14, and he had a daughter, then 9 who had been raised as siblings.  My exhusband basically cut me and my son out of his daughter's life- I lost my "daughter" and my son lost his "sister".  My stepdaughter, last time she emailed me 2 years ago, expressed how much she missed me and my son so much, but wasn't allowed to see us.  Whatever you and your husband's situation is, if either of you are close to the other's children, or if either of your children are close to eachother, please, please, please, put that first and foremost, and do everything in both your power to make sure that each child doesn't lose a parent completely, that each child doesn't lose a "sibling".  That's the one thing that will hurt your children the most.  I have no info on my stepdaugther except her last email where she sounded so sad, but I can tell you, my son, now 18, still wonders how his "Dad" could just cut us out of his life, out of his "sister's" life, my son also has attachment and trust issues now, because his family was cleanly split in half.  You and your husband need to work together, if only on one thing, it making sure the children have as much contact as feasable (even when, later, the two of you have new partners) with whoever- parent, sibling- they want to or need to.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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