DH has several children I have none, but have baby fever..looking for some advice - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 01-23-2014, 06:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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First of all, this will cause some discussion please please keep it nice. And I apologize for the novel I'm about to write.

My DH and I have been together 8.5 years. I love him and his children very much. He is a very active father, he pays support, does regular visitation weekly, provides extras that their moms can't get, we do sports events the whole nine yards, and we have custody of his youngest son who is now nine. I've been helping with all of his kids since the youngest three were just over a year old and still in diapers. Let's get down to the specifics. He has 7 yes that's 7 children. His oldest is 21 married and had his first grand child two weeks ago. He has a 18 year old daughter who lives in Tennesee and has a lot of issues dealing with PTSD, she wants nothing to do with me and very little to do with DH. We don't push it as she's an adult now. He has a 14 son, 12 daughter, and twin 9 year olds with his ex wife. And a nine year old son with a one night stand that now resides in The state pen. There are 4 different moms. The ex wife was not fun to start as she has had a very rough life but over the last two years has come around quite a bit. I'm very close with all his kids except the 18 year old. They were our bridal party the 6 who wanted to be anyway, moving forward. He is 37, has a decent job very healthy. I am going to be 30 in March. No kids. No ex husbands. I work in healthcare. And over the last year the overwhelming need for my own child has crept over me. baby Fever. I have an IUD, so it would have to be removed. He's said that he hasn't had a vasectomy because it's really not fair to expect me to help him with his 7 kids and not be able to have option to my own. He's also said we only have ten years before they are all adults. I know he's got a lot on his plate, I know he's had women try to trap him with kids before clearly that's not my intention. I'd only want one. He's told me to get the iud removed and let's get it done. He does not want any kids after he turns forty understandably. He's mentioned that he had always wanted kids but with a woman he loved and that he could actually stay and raise a family with,.. I don't know what do here. Do I have a child or not?? My parents have no grandchildren and I'm the only one at this point capable of providing them with that experience. Also I'm the last if the lineage on my mothers side. Idk. No we don't live on welfare, we work and pay our own way so please don't attack me on the issue. We discussed it before marriage and at that time I did not want kids, and he told me my feelings would change and that he'd wait on the vasectomy just in case they did, and he was right. I want my own baby to raise, to be proud of, to love and hold and hang out with, a part of me...
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#2 of 8 Old 01-23-2014, 06:48 AM
 
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It seems really simple to me. You would love a child. He would love a child with you. And you know he is already an amazing loving Dad. It sounds like an ideal situation!
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#3 of 8 Old 01-23-2014, 11:08 AM
 
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I agree with the PP, I'm not sure what your hesitation is. You want to have a child, he wants to have a child with you, you know he'll be a good dad, you can afford the baby- sounds like having a baby is a good idea.

 

What concerns do you have about having a baby now? Are you worried about how your step children, especially the one your husband has custody of, will respond or that you and your husband may divorce? If it's the former, there are quite a few people around here who can give you Been There Done That advice about having a kid with step kids around.

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#4 of 8 Old 01-23-2014, 11:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Great question. I'm not nervous about us splitting up at all we have a strong relationship I truley believe we would be fine. I guess it's just all the surrounding factors. The kids have all talked to us about it and our live in son was kinda skeptical about a crying baby at night, that was his biggest concern. He's so funny. But in the big picture when I think about it, I think he would really benefit from it. And his 14son was like absolutely not you have too many. But everybody else was on board. Course that's all the girls but they were excited we even talked about it at family time. We explained that it was just a thought but I wanted their voices heard too. His oldest son just had a baby and he's adorable, we talked to him as well he thinks we should and his mother also thinks we should. His 12 year old has recently found out she won't be able to have kids so that may influence her opinion on the subject a bit. It also makes me want to even more because it's a blessing to be capable to even bear children. I love babies and kids always have always will. I guess I bring up the outside factors and situations because it's influencing my thoughts about it when it really probably shouldn't.
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#5 of 8 Old 01-23-2014, 11:50 AM
 
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I think the outside factors should influence things, because they'll effect you once the baby's here. What kind of support system you'll have during the pregnancy and after the birth is very important, and if you would face hostility that's something to know and consider. However, it sounds like the outside factors are all in your favor- the 14yo is the only one who's got any negativity about it, and he may warm up to the idea when he sees the baby. It sounds like you'll have a lot of support if you decide to have a baby. I hope everything goes well!


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#6 of 8 Old 01-23-2014, 06:17 PM
 
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Why not?  I don't hear a reason not to.


One woman in a house full of men:  my soul mate:    or... twin sons:(HS seniors) ... step-son:  (a sophomore) ... our little man:   (a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all:  our
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#7 of 8 Old 01-24-2014, 04:59 AM
 
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Similar situation, but reversed....I have four older kids from a previous marriage (21, 18, 15 and 13).  In new relationship with DP who had no children.  We decided to go for it ASAP since I was 42 and DP was 39.  Well, we're now 44 and 41, and we have a 9 month old DS who is universally adored!  He has three big sisters, a big brother who is SO happy to finally have a brother, my DP has a son (first and likely only grandchild on his side), and I get to have a baby again!

 

It has been really awesome to raise a baby with much older siblings.  They help out so much and get to see attachment parenting as older kids.  I clean houses and do garden work for a living, and bring our little guy with me.  Many of my clients are elderly, and they love having a baby around!  It was the best decision we've ever made.  Truly.  This little guy has brought us even closer together as a family, and we feel so lucky.

 

Good luck, and I hope everything works out for your family!  :)

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#8 of 8 Old 01-25-2014, 10:48 AM
 
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I say go for it!! :) You would never regret it!

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