blended family/ military restationed - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 05-16-2014, 10:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The mom of my dsk is a military mom. And they move a lot. (Every two years) How does military mom and dads out there handle the not being able to move due to court order. What happens? Does the one enrolled in the military move and leave their family? How have other blended families handles this?
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#2 of 5 Old 05-17-2014, 05:03 PM
 
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I hope someone with experience chimes in soon!


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#3 of 5 Old 05-17-2014, 08:08 PM
 
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My only (probably not very useful) experience is that when my dad was a career Army officer years ago, at least once he was permitted to leave his family behind, serve a shorter tour, and be stationed for his next tour in the previous city, where we still lived.  I believe the Army even paid for one of his visits home, when my little brother was born.  But I was a kid and do not know any of the specifics of how this was arranged, how normal/rare it was, or how much things have changed since then.

 

Part of your problem in getting responses may be that your situation is not very clear.  Are you the stepmom, your husband's son lives with his mother, and she's in the military?  Or her new husband is a soldier?  Or do you guys have custody of your step-kid and it would be harder for his mom to visit him, if she moved?

 

Non-felon, adult US citizens have a federal right to relocate.  A divorced parent would be required to notify the other parent and might have to argue why it would be best for the kid to move with him/her, instead of staying with the non-relocating parent.  But a court order really can't tell an adult he/she can't move.  Especially if he/she has military orders to do so.  Even if the divorced parent is the spouse of a soldier with orders to relocate, a civil court order forbidding the parent from moving with his/her spouse sounds like an order ripe for appeal.

 

Whether you're worried about your step-kid's mom moving away with the kid; or whether the kid lives with you and you're worried about changes to the mom's visitation... someone needs to ask the court to modify the existing orders, to make them work in light of the changes in the mom's circumstances.  That's what modifications are for.


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#4 of 5 Old 05-18-2014, 01:22 AM
 
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I am married to a military member, and have two children from my first marriage. I have always had primary custody of my boys; however, their father and I split custody 60/40 when we lived in the same area. With some difficulty, I obtained a move away order when my DH was given orders moving him from California to Georgia back in 2006. The order was written so as to allow us to move with the children anywhere in the continental US. The move away was adjusted last year to allow us to move to Germany. I gave up pretty much all non-school time in exchange for the move away, which has been difficult for all of us greensad.gif, but necessary to avoid a protracted, expensive court battle. We will return to the US in 2016, at which time the boys will be 16 & 13. I expect additional adjustments to the move away order at that time, but don't anticipate a change in custody.

Hopefully this information helps you. Keep in mind the following when considering your future plans:

1. Without extenuating circumstances, the courts are loathe to change a status quo. If the mother has primary custody, it is likely to stay that way, even in light of a move away.

2. Military move aways are often considered a special circumstance because the parent being ordered to move usually does not have the option to stay put. Government orders are government orders.

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#5 of 5 Old 05-18-2014, 12:23 PM
 
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Quote:

1. Without extenuating circumstances, the courts are loathe to change a status quo. If the mother has primary custody, it is likely to stay that way, even in light of a move away.

2. Military move aways are often considered a special circumstance because the parent being ordered to move usually does not have the option to stay put. Government orders are government orders.

This is how I understand it as well, though I do not have personal experience with it.  Is the mom in the military or is her new husband in the military?  If she is in the military and being deployed, then I would assume that the children's father (your husband?) would get temporary custody while she was gone. Otherwise, especially if she was in the military previous to the divorce (and so dad knew moving was likely), I think status quo would be a strong factor. 

 

If the mother's husband is the one in the military and the reason that they are moving, and there is an order preventing mom from moving with the kids outside of a certain area, then she will probably have to petition the court to allow her to move.  Then you can either agree on a new schedule or you can go to court and let the judge decide.  If there is no order saying mom cannot move (though many states have this as part of the default agreement) then you will the kids dad will have to be the one to petition the court to prevent mom from moving with the kids (mom is free to move anywhere she wants, just cannot always take the kids with her). 

 

I hope that helps!

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