Hi! Need some advice please - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 07-15-2014, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi! Need some advice please

I’m the Step-Mom… let’s get that out of the way first

The bridal shower was thrown by my step-daughter’s her mom and the bridesmaids…. However on the day of the shower, her mom gave the maid of honor a post dated check to pay. The maid of honor put a deposit down and her and the brides maids chipped in half which was due before-hand)

The maid of honor couldn’t cover the other half of the bill, was panicked and I quietly called over the lady with whom they booked the party, handed her my credit card and told the Maid of honor, don’t worry. I also knew that my step-daughter’s mom had been out of work for a bit and things were tight, so I told the MOH to discreetly (after the shower was over) give back the check and tell her it’s taken care of.

I didn’t want anyone embarrassed and I didn’t want anyone to be strained financially over what was a beautiful, happy day.

So, now it’s the baby shower (YAY!) and the mother (now grandmother to be) contacted my husband and asked if I would want to ‘co-host’ the baby shower.
We were out of town, she didn’t call me or text me directly, I had to reach out to her to let her know I’d be happy to!

However; from the time she contacted my husband (three days ago) asking if I wanted to co-host to today she has already set the date, says she has favors, games, and decorations “taken care of” checked with out of town relatives (on her side of the family and our son in law’s family out of state) to see who’s coming (before actually sending out invitations) drawn up a guest list, checked with daughters co-worker to see if they are throwing her a shower (or should we invite them too) and I’m trying to figure out what my role in this thing is…

She wants to have the shower at a very nice historic restaurant/Inn (so there will be rooms available for guests coming out of state)

I have asked her twice what she would like me to do, how can I help/contribute and she hasn’t directly answered, only given me a list of things she’s already taken care of.

I had a bridal shower and a baby shower in my home, I’m capable of hostess-ing these types of things, but I get that she wants to have the party at a place that can handle a large(er) guest list… I don’t want to be pushy, I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes…I do want to be involved, but I’m starting to feel as if any involvement that I could have had was usurped.

Advice? Words of wisdom? Someone can give me some ‘different’ perspective on this situation?

Thank you in advance for any responses!
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#2 of 3 Old 07-16-2014, 03:31 AM
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Bet they just present you with the bill...and not just half of it, you try too hard not to offend anyone and you have a voice. You seem like a nice lady so stop this happening
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#3 of 3 Old 07-16-2014, 11:05 AM
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If I was concerned I was going to get stuck with the entire bill, I would be pretty forward about it right now. "What did you have in mind for a budget?" or "I am able to contribute $X toward expenses." If you are co-hosting something then you need to talk about that stuff, it's not rude to be direct.

You may find that the plans get scaled back when they realize you aren't writing blank cheque. Hosting at your home would be a great contribution. If it's a women-only baby shower, maybe a few of the husbands could help out with transportation for out of towners from the hotel to your place.

I think the sooner the better for this discussion.
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