Our first blended family vacation - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 08-05-2014, 02:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Our first blended family vacation

I have a blended family of 5 kids ranging from 14 to 10. We have been living together for just over a year. DH kids are here half time and mine are here full time. We have had lots of adjustments to make, lots of ups and downs. We have a bio mom who truly loves her kids but interferes fiercely in our lives. DH daughter who is 10 has voiced how important it is to her that she and her siblings do things alone with their dad, I can honestly say that I struggled with that because my focus was on making us a family unit and not separating us as I saw it, but I have realized that its important and it has been a part of DH time with the kids when they are with us. We have booked our first family vacation with all of us, its something I have been looking forward to, we know we will face a fight from bio mom to consent to the trip, as its a recurring issue, however my issue is that I spoke to DH about the meaning of this trip for me, and how for these 8 days I didn't want there to be separation this was to be a family affair. Yesterday DHs daughter asked me if this was a family trip because that's what my daughter told her. I told her it was and that we were doing things together, that the older boys may want to go ahead on some other rides etc and meet up with us later but that we would not be separating into you four and us three. I passed that msg on to DH and when he spoke to his daughter shortly after my conversation he told her that we would compromise and that the four of them could do something for a bit. I felt undermined, hurt, and a flurry of other things. I know rationally this does not sound like a big deal, but its our first time doing a family vacation and just this once I wanted us to be a whole family. In every day life there is always a lot of mine and his. Again we have a lot of interference from bio mom, she wont even allow the kids to be home with me if DH is not here. Am I being unrealistic about our trip? I would love some unbiased perspective. Thank you in advance.

Last edited by fourandthree; 08-05-2014 at 04:00 PM.
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#2 of 3 Old 08-05-2014, 06:12 PM
 
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My bf and I have 6 kids ranging from 6-16. We don't live together. It wouldn't bother me if one of his kids requested time with just him or him if mine had a similar request. To me, it seems pretty normal for a kid to want time with just their parent.

Family time is important but it seems like there could be a compromise. Maybe eating meals as a family? Or just planning a few specific separate activities with different smaller groups but spending some days entirely together?
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#3 of 3 Old 08-08-2014, 06:36 AM
 
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We have done 3 big family trips once a year with our 5 kids ages 6-16. We generally have done things together, but this year my fiance took all of the kiddos with him for a few hours to get ice cream and swim. So, technically they were not split up on their own, but I feel like his kiddos still are guarded with me so this was a nice time they had with their dad and playing with my kids. It's so hard to stay on the same page as a couple when we have these little people that we love so much pulling at us. Sounds like your partner heard the tug at his heartstring when his daughter asked for the alone time and before thinking gave permission for something that went against the unity you were hoping for. It's just so tough with all the dynamics sometimes and I feel for you.
On the lighter side, it's still a family trip. Even if there are separate little excursions (my fiance's ice cream trip) it is a lot of time together. Enjoy the one on one time with your kiddos and make it special.

I'm a single working mom of 3 wonderful kiddos. 

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