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#1 of 4 Old 08-14-2014, 05:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Stay or go

I have been with my partner for almost 4years living together for almost 3!
I have 3grown up children all living thier own lives he has 2 grown children a son who lives with his partner and child and a daughter who still At present lives at home with us. She is expecting a child in September and is planning to move out a few months after the baby is here. My partner lost his partner, thier mother almost 11 years ago the daughter was 11 at the time.
I work and put just under half of my wages back into the house, I pay an amount into my partners account towards mortgage or bills plus I put money into our joint account plus I pay the gas bill monthly plus I buy food as and when.
His children have never really accepted me especially his daughter although I seem to be ok if money is needed to be borrowed and the likes?. She declared a few years back that she would never accept the relationship and would continue to make our lives he'll...and she most definitely has at least for me!!
Last week it all seemed to come to a head and she accused me of basically using her dad she had lots of assumptions, that I lived rent free living off her dad, that I left me children to fend for themselves when they were 16 (untrue) that I am lazy and that I slept with her dad on the first day I met him again all untrue, basically saying that I am a user, an unfit mother and an easy woman. I did try to put her straight but things got too heated so I walked away, completely upset and full of frustration.
I have from day 1tried to see things from her point that it must. E difficult to see her dad happy again and to have another woman in the house but then the flip side is its difficult for me to live with somebody else's child, it's so difficult fir me to hang my clothes in her mums wardrobe or sleep in her mums bedroom or wash in her mms bathroom or cook in her mums kitchen or sit in her mums lounge but it seems no one thinks about that....to be fair that kind of includes my partner.
I now feel I don't want to be here, I feel anxious when she is around and seem to cry lots when I'm alone, I am very much in love and I know he feels the same but I also feel that he should have made it very clear to them that they cannot treat me like this he should have stood up for me and I'm feeling very let down.
Help, any opinions welcome
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#2 of 4 Old 08-14-2014, 07:02 PM
 
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I think you need to talk to your partner about how you feel and what you are considering.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
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but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#3 of 4 Old 08-15-2014, 09:08 PM
 
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What is your partner doing about this? How has he tried to help work things out? Has he set his daughter straight and made sure there weren't any other misunderstandings? Is she paying rent? At 22 (did I do the math right?) she should be contributing to household expenses. If she's not- she's got no room to criticize you!

Have you talked to your partner about how hard it is for you to live there? If he you have and he still won't face it, counseling may not be a bad idea.

Also, would moving be at all feasible? After his daughter moves out, it may be a good idea for everyone to get a start in a new house that's both of yours rather than "the house he shared with the wife he lost". You know him better to know if it's even wise to suggest.

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#4 of 4 Old 08-16-2014, 01:43 PM
 
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If she's an adult I would have a lot less patience for that kind of behaviour than a teenager or kid. I'd lay it out there that if she succeeds in driving you away, she will be partially responsible for the pain that causes her dad, and is that seriously what she wants? I'd say you aren't expecting to be besties but you'd appreciate being kind to each other and that would be a lot nicer for her dad, too. Say she's an adult now and it's time to let it go. Maybe even write it into a letter for her and say that when she's ready to put this behind her, so are you.

Since she has a baby on the way, she is probably really, really missing her mom right now. Becoming a mom is something you want to share with your mom. Could it be that things are flaring up in the last several months than they have in past years?
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~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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