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#1 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 07:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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marriage meltdown

Hi, My husband is the step parent of my 17 year old son who is diagnosed with OCD, GAD and Aspergers. He has been in my sons life since he was three we were married when my son was 9 . At that time my son had a OCD and GAD diagnosis and was diagnosed with Aspergers at 14. It seems since my son hit puberty he has has many problems the past three years have been one after the other. My husband hasn't been able to handle it he hides in the basement has no communication whatsoever with my son. This has been for three years now. He is distant from me also. I need to rewind a bit... My dad died in 1995 and my sister and I inherited the home my family now lives in , in 2002 I bought my sister out and took a mortgage on the home. In 2006 I got married. I feel my son will need this house as a adult I want to leave it to him because of his issues.Now fastforward..... in arguments with my husband he had said he is entited to half the house. Also said when I mentioned leaving the house to my son he stated I want to leave it to my brother? So now I think he is thinking of getting out of the marriage and wants half of the house when he does. He cannot handle the parenting of a child with issues, it was ok when he wa syounger but when puberty hit he could not deal with it . I need to mention that my sons BIO dad has not been in his life since he was a year and a half old. I feel like my husband dropped the ball on what he committed to but in the flipside I know this may have been more than he bargained for even though he knew of teh OCD and GAD when we got married and he did have anxiety issues then also. I don;t know what to do financially. I wa sthinking of a postnuptial agreeement stating about the house being seperate from marital property or putting the hosu ein my sons name. Any advice?\
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#2 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 08:50 AM
 
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Talk to a lawyer. He may not be entitled to any of it since it came through an inheritance. Or maybe a quarter of the house since you two bought out your sister. Why his brother? That does sound fishy a brother over a special needs son. Get your ducks in a row.
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#3 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 08:55 AM
 
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if he has made mortgage payments and improvements to the home i think he will be able to argue he gets some of the homes equity.
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#4 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 09:00 AM
 
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I totally agree that it is time for an attorney.

I think it may be a bit late for a post nup --for all practical purposes, your husband already left the marriage. He is still just living in the house.

In my state, community property laws only effect assets gained DURING the marriage, not those gained before hand.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#5 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 10:13 AM
 
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Talk to a lawyer. People ont he Single Parenting forum have good advice on finding a good one. First priority: find out what you'll be facing if you can't make this work out, figure out how to protect yourself and your child.

Then- look into counseling. I'd really suggest you see a counselor on your own if you're able to, this is incredibly stressful on you. Therapy isn't just for people with mental illnesses, sometimes having an impartial 3rd party to act as a sounding board can be really helpful. It can help you put things in another perspective, keep from bottling things up, figure out better ideas on how to approach problems, help make sure that you prioritize self-care, etc.

Whether or not you want to try to get into couple's therapy with your husband is your call, it's all on whether or not you think the marriage is worth salvaging. He also may benefit from individual therapy as well, it's possible he's suffering from depression based on the way he's withdrawing. A therapist may help him get the tools he needs to handle his own issues as well as to get along with your son. Again- whether or not you want to even mention it or push it is up to you, he's a grown man and if he doesn't want to get himself the help he needs, that's his problem and not your responsibility.

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#6 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 10:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by farmermomma View Post
Talk to a lawyer. He may not be entitled to any of it since it came through an inheritance. Or maybe a quarter of the house since you two bought out your sister. Why his brother? That does sound fishy a brother over a special needs son. Get your ducks in a row.
Us two didnt buy her out I bought her out when i was single 4 years before the marriage.
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#7 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 10:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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if he has made mortgage payments and improvements to the home i think he will be able to argue he gets some of the homes equity.
he hasnt made improvements I took a home equtiy loan out and paid fro improvements, The home equity oan was 40 k an dthrough my credit union at work and comes directly out of my paycheck so I am th sole person paying back the equit fro improvements
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#8 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Talk to a lawyer. People ont he Single Parenting forum have good advice on finding a good one. First priority: find out what you'll be facing if you can't make this work out, figure out how to protect yourself and your child.

Then- look into counseling. I'd really suggest you see a counselor on your own if you're able to, this is incredibly stressful on you. Therapy isn't just for people with mental illnesses, sometimes having an impartial 3rd party to act as a sounding board can be really helpful. It can help you put things in another perspective, keep from bottling things up, figure out better ideas on how to approach problems, help make sure that you prioritize self-care, etc.

Whether or not you want to try to get into couple's therapy with your husband is your call, it's all on whether or not you think the marriage is worth salvaging. He also may benefit from individual therapy as well, it's possible he's suffering from depression based on the way he's withdrawing. A therapist may help him get the tools he needs to handle his own issues as well as to get along with your son. Again- whether or not you want to even mention it or push it is up to you, he's a grown man and if he doesn't want to get himself the help he needs, that's his problem and not your responsibility.
I need to add to this he is a functioning alcoholic to top it off.
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#9 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I need to add to this he is a functioning alcoholic to top it off.
So functioning alcoholic and special needs teen and full time job. I am very close to a breakdown
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#10 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 10:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Talk to a lawyer. He may not be entitled to any of it since it came through an inheritance. Or maybe a quarter of the house since you two bought out your sister. Why his brother? That does sound fishy a brother over a special needs son. Get your ducks in a row.
His adult brother has OCD and lives in a apartment has a job for the city. So i guess taht was a dig to me like my brother has issues to
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#11 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 11:10 AM
 
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Us two didnt buy her out I bought her out when i was single 4 years before the marriage.
Even better!
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#12 of 12 Old 10-13-2014, 07:32 PM
 
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So functioning alcoholic and special needs teen and full time job. I am very close to a breakdown
Do you have a therapist? Honey, I think you need it. Breakdowns are serious, and you've got MORE than enough stress. It sounds like you're getting ready for a divorce, and not an amicable one. It sounds like you should be able to keep your house (I hope!), but divorce is still rough. Even if it's what you need and will be best for you and your family in the long run, it'll likely be very hard to get through and you really need help.

Even if you don't have a therapist- what support system do you have? Are you close to your sister? Friends nearby? Can you get "me time", have a girl's night out, at least once a week? Make sure you're taking care of yourself! If you're healthy, you may not realize the severe and long-term toll that stress can cause. Significant stress can actually cause chronic illnesses that you have to live with even after the stress is over.

We'll also all be here for you during it, a lot of people on here have a lot of advice for navigating divorce.

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