Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: surrounded by testosterone
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I can see how this is a whole different dilemma, even though it's over the same subject as last year. Now that you've set the precedent of including her, you may hurt her feelings if you don't do so every year. But if she doesn't care as much about it this year, you calling to ask whether she wants to be included may make her feel obligated to say yes, to spare your feelings! Catch-22.
If I were in your shoes, I'd feel the lesser of two evils is to ask her. But I'd give her an out. Ex.: "I know kids your age are pretty busy and I don't want you to feel like you have to do the picture with us every year. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't. But if you'd like to, we'd be happy to have you join us..." - At this point she might automatically say yes, even if only to be polite. But you will have gently introduced the idea that she could say no, if she wants. - "...Let me just give you a heads-up, though. We have some goofy scheduling things going on, with the younger girls' school, so we can really only do pictures next Saturday afternoon. So, what do you think? Would you like me to pick you up for them? Or should I just send you a card with me and the girls, and surprise you?"
If she has plans at the time you give, her willingness to alter them would show you how important it is to her, to still be included. But even if she has no conflict, if she wants an out, you've given her the chance to say she has plans.
P.S. - If you're seriously considering not doing the photo card, banish the thought! When my husband and I blended our families, there were a few little things here and there that I was used to doing with my bio kids, that I didn't feel as comfortable in the early stages, doing with my step-son, so I changed how I did things with my bio kids, to make things seem more "fair" or "equal". I look back and have deep regret about that. If you like having a family photo card every year, be sure to do it...either way!
One woman in a house full of men: my soul mate:
... twin sons:
(HS seniors) ... step-son:
(a sophomore) ... our little man:
(a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all