What would you do if your husband and your 11yo son could not get along at all? I am talking they fight like cats and dogs. I can't leave my son at home with his older sister when I have to work if I know my husband might be home because all Hell will break loose. I can't have them in the same room most of the time. I mean it is so bad that I can't take a shower or a business phone call when they are both home because I have to play referee.
In this situation, I would tell the husband to move out. Your son is a child with no options, your husband is an adult with adult resources, and you need to be able to take a dang shower.
I know that's easier said than done, but the situation you've described can't go on, and your eleven year-old is in a terrible situation.
Your husband is an adult and he is responsible for his own actions. If he can't control himself around a child, perhaps anger management/therapy is in order. You shouldn't have to referee a grown man to keep him from fighting with a child. I think it's important to model good conflict resolution for our children.
What's your husband's take on the problem? Does he take responsibility for things getting out of hand? Is this a new development, or has it been this way for a long time? How has your husband been with the other kids?
If this is something that has just sort of crept up recently, and your husband can see that there's an issue, he needs help figuring out how to cope.
I take it this is not your dh's son? A male co- worker once told me it was common for certain male animal species to kill the offspring of their mates if they were not sired by them. He said he believed this was innate and somewhat common in human males as evidenced by how many men have problems bonding with their step-children. Not sure how much credence I give to this, but it is food for thought.
I'm not sure what the dynamics are here, but I would either insist on counseling as a family and for my husband, to learn how to identify and deal with his issues regarding the child. If he was not willing to go through with any of that, there is no way I could continue the marriage. If your son has issues of some sort, then of course those would need to be addressed as well, but as an adult who is in the relationship on a voluntary basis, the onus is on your husband to steer things in a healthier direction. Best of luck to all of you.
You really need to tell both of them to grow up. It's not fair for you to have to choose and you shouldn't have to rearrange your life because they can't be civil. Both need to make a greater effort to get along, they both love you and I'm sure if you express your feelings about this they will attempt to get along or at the very least coexist in the home. Good luck.
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