When did you stop showering with your kids and explain privacy?
When did you stop showering with your children and what would you do if your ex didn't stop?
My daughter, her father, and I have always been a very no-shame, nudity all the time, bodies are beautiful, kind of family. We've always showered together, changed in front of each other, gone to the bathroom with the door open, etc.
About 2 years ago we split up, and it bothers me that he still showers with our 5.5 year old. She DOES still see me naked when I am changing or whatever, but to be honest… my mother still changes in front of me, too. Women should be able to see each other naked without feeling like they have something to hide. Plus we are family.
But I have very vivd memories of accidentally seeing my dad naked when I was very young, and I really wish I didn't have those. LOL. Plus, my daughter is completely capable of showering on her own. She does it here at my house every day. I stand next to the shower and help her rinse her hair, but she's capable of doing everything else on her own.
My ex and I do not get along. If I tried asking him not to shower with our daughter he would only blow up at me and think I am accusing him of something. (which i am not.) Plus he would tell me I don't get to make the rules at his house. (which I don't.) So, I've tried having talks with my daughter about it instead. I've told her that she doesn't need to shower with daddy. That she can tell daddy she is able to do it on her own. I've had talks with her about why it's not ok to be seeing adult men naked.. etc. Though she seemed completely baffled by that because (while her dad is the only man she's seen naked) she didn't realize that being naked was a big deal to anyone. She's perfectly happy changing her clothes in front of an open window or outside in the lawn if given the chance.
The reason I bring this up is because today my daughter told me about this funny thing she and her step-brother do by filling squirt guns with cold water and then squirting daddy in the penis with it in the shower. This bothered me because she's obviously old enough and conscious enough to know about daddy's penis, and she doesn't need to be messing around or even thinking about it.
Now, my boyfriend on the other hand thinks this situation with my daughter seeing her dad is completely messed up. My boyfriend's 4 year old daughter has NEVER seen him naked. Never. Not in a changing room. Not in a bathroom. Not in the shower. When she was a baby and he would bathe with her, he wore swim suits. She has no idea what a penis is or that her body is different than dad's or mom's for that matter.
His daughter is now very private about her own body though because she's picked up on the body rules she's been taught. She will not change in front of me or my daughter and demands absolute privacy. She will not let her dad help her in the shower, and wouldn't let him look at her vulva when she had a rash.
We all live together and It's been an issue for us in the past so many times. When I am home alone with her and she has trouble wiping but won't let me help. etc. I mean, think about how often you see a 4 year old naked when you live with them.
So, I guess I am having trouble balancing the nudity - body privacy - boys/girls issue with the two girls. How have you guys handled these situations in your own families?