Hi everyone, as the title states I am new to this site and in need of some help dealing with my step children. Me and my boyfriend have been together for little over a year, I have one daughter (9) and he has two children (boy & girl, 3). This is where things get complicated, his children have separate mothers, both of which are difficult to deal with. In regards to custody my bf has his son every weekend with court order and daughter usually every weekend, unless her mother decides to not cooperate. I have my daughter all the time, she doesn't go to see her dad very often but is fine with it and most of the time would rather not go.
The issues that I am having have been building for some time but I do not have anyone with experience to talk to about it. So here goes...
One of the big issues that I am having is with my step-son's mother. She is very uncooperative, both with BF and when it comes to SS. As my daughter is 9 I am aware of the milestones, SS can not talk, is not potty trained and is in need of constant assistance. I have talked to BF about my concerns with SS development, he agrees that SS is behind. I have tried to work with SS on the issues that I listed, I even potty trained him myself during a week long holiday visit, he did very well. The problem is that every weekend my BF picks him up SS's bio mother puts diapers on him and refuses to keep underwear on him because she doesn't want a mess. BF has talked to her about not putting diapers on SS because he doesn't need them, but she still refuses and says that if SS can't get up and go by himself then she's keeping him in diapers. This is also an issue with his delayed speach, I suggested that SS start going to daycare or consult a doctor but bio mom still refuses and states that there is nothing wrong and that I am taking over mothering duties. In my mind if she's not going to help SS advance and prepare him for school then I feel I need to, but because we only get SS on weekends that leaves little time to teach him and if bio mom isn't going to help during the week it feels as though it's pointless.
I don't know if I should keep fighting my points or if it's a lost cause (I realize that sounds harsh but that's how it feels). So what do I do? I don't want to overstep but I don't want to stand by and watch him fall behind, I want to help. How do I deal with an uncooperative, hostel bio mom?
The issues that I am having have been building for some time but I do not have anyone with experience to talk to about it. So here goes...
One of the big issues that I am having is with my step-son's mother. She is very uncooperative, both with BF and when it comes to SS. As my daughter is 9 I am aware of the milestones, SS can not talk, is not potty trained and is in need of constant assistance. I have talked to BF about my concerns with SS development, he agrees that SS is behind. I have tried to work with SS on the issues that I listed, I even potty trained him myself during a week long holiday visit, he did very well. The problem is that every weekend my BF picks him up SS's bio mother puts diapers on him and refuses to keep underwear on him because she doesn't want a mess. BF has talked to her about not putting diapers on SS because he doesn't need them, but she still refuses and says that if SS can't get up and go by himself then she's keeping him in diapers. This is also an issue with his delayed speach, I suggested that SS start going to daycare or consult a doctor but bio mom still refuses and states that there is nothing wrong and that I am taking over mothering duties. In my mind if she's not going to help SS advance and prepare him for school then I feel I need to, but because we only get SS on weekends that leaves little time to teach him and if bio mom isn't going to help during the week it feels as though it's pointless.
I don't know if I should keep fighting my points or if it's a lost cause (I realize that sounds harsh but that's how it feels). So what do I do? I don't want to overstep but I don't want to stand by and watch him fall behind, I want to help. How do I deal with an uncooperative, hostel bio mom?