wedding number 2 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 06-03-2015, 02:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wedding number 2

what did everyone do? court house? big wedding, small wedding? We financially cannot afford a ton, but even when thinking of a small wedding the amount starts to add up fast. We likely will be getting married end of this year but nothing set in stone yet, (because money doesnt grow on trees!)

also part of me feels guilty spending a lot of money on a wedding like it is taking away from the family unit. But we want to do something more than just a courthouse wedding.

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#2 of 12 Old 06-03-2015, 02:57 PM
 
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I haven't remarried yet, by I know so many people who had super simple ceremonies/ parties in their backyards or a ceremony at the courthouse or church and a party at the house afterwards, even for their first weddings. Doesn't have to be any more expensive than a birthday party, you don't need anything more than a cake and maybe some simple appetizers if you're feeling fancy =)
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#3 of 12 Old 06-05-2015, 01:57 AM
 
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I love this topic! All the favorite weddings I've been to were small and inexpensive.

My uncle got married at sunrise, in a gazebo on a public beach. He wore khakis and a polo shirt and his wife, a sundress. A breakfast of nice Danishes - and happy kids running around in the sand - followed.

My brother and his wife rented someone's large-ish vacation cottage on a tiny island in a small lake. A friend married them. They wore casual clothes and his wife's kids (who served as groomsmen) wore Hawaiian shirts. Everyone brought food to pitch in and spent the night in the cottage, which was a great way for the two families to get acquainted. There wasn't anywhere for the kids to go, so they had the run of the island while the adults celebrated.

Our wedding was under $5,000. Here were some cost-savers, for us:

> Small guest list, of course. 30 people.

> Print-your-own invitations kit, from an office supply store. They were on clearance for next to nothing, but beautiful: hand-made paper with embedded dried flowers. For that matter, if you have a reasonably small number of invitations, handmade paper is very easy to make.

> Non-traditional clothes. I wore a silk sundress I bought on off-season clearance (we married in the fall). The guys all would've worn jackets and khakis, except that our sons were so excited about tuxes and DH's oldest son from his 1st marriage happened to work in a tux rental shop at the time, so...

> All-inclusive wedding chapel package. This was really a great deal! We married just outside a "quaint", rural, touristy town an hour or so from the city where we live. The chapel was simple and tasteful (not at all Vegas-wedding-chapel kitschy, like you might think). They offered several packages at different prices, but they all included the officiant, flowers, music and pictures. Honestly, after exchanging a few emails to pick colors and songs, we were able to just show up 1/2-hour or so before the ceremony and let them lead us through it. I don't remember the price, but it was well under $1,000.

> Combined reception/honeymoon. Near the wedding chapel (but further from town) is a village that was abandoned during the Depression. All the remaining buildings have been converted into an Inn: the general store is a restaurant, the mill is their larger-group venue and the cottages can all be rented out like hotel suites. We rented the biggest cottage for a reception, blocked off several others for our guests to reserve, and everyone spent the night. We had dinner in the mill and breakfast in the general store was complimentary, with the rooms. Dinner was our biggest expense, but it was more affordable than, say, going out to a restaurant and letting everyone order whatever they liked, because we worked with the Inn to create a limited menu for the event.

I've known people who did something similar, renting cottages near each other in a state park.

> Buy alcohol ahead of time. As soon as we got engaged, we began buying alcohol when it was on sale, so we were able to have an affordable open "bar" on the cottage porch. The restaurant also let us provide our own wine for dinner and only charged a corking fee.

> Instead of a band or DJ, we hired a singer/guitarist we like, who plays at a lot of small, local venues around there. He's not any kind of a big name, just plays covers. But it was great having him there, playing in a corner of the cottage, taking requests.

> Handmade favors. I collected old canning jars at garage sales (the kind with glass lids held on by metal clamps) and turned them into candles.

A friend collected mismatched china teacups from garage sales, planted succulents in them and used them as dual place-settings and favors, at her wedding.

Congratulations and have fun with it!
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#4 of 12 Old 06-12-2015, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for the tips!

We are engaged but do not have rings. I glanced online and we went and checked some out this week but I decided I didn't need an engagement ring to be engaged, so we will wait and just get some wedding bands. I am thinking some nice silver bands and I am checking estate sales on ebay and dept stores.

We still haven't locked in a place or date (thinking october/november). Still searching. I could have it at the church i work at but still uncertain about that, but I have already bought the girls dresses 7$ each easter clearance dresses at target and I took a gamble and bought a wedding dress on aliexpress. I know some don't like to buy from China but i do not have the time or money to dress shop. And some of the dresses/makers have good reviews. I figure if it needs tweaking my aunt who sews well or my dp's mom can help out. I am eyeballing some clearance suits for dp once he gets home and i measure him. I am thinking just slacks and button shirts, vests and ties for the grooman (we are thinking just 1 groomsman and one brides maid) to keep it simple. Not sure about reception . A lot depends on where we end up. Alcohol is a big issue for us. DP's mom is a recovering alcholic and he doesn't want alcohol, meanwhile my family expects it. Those little details can be worked out. We have thought about after party at our home, maybe a cake reception after church or just skipping alcohol all together.

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#5 of 12 Old 06-12-2015, 06:22 PM
 
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these 2 shops on Etsy have really cute & inexpensive silver rings
https://www.etsy.com/shop/debblazer
https://www.etsy.com/shop/SilverSmack

I wish you all the best with your dress. I'm a designer/seamstress and have heard so many horror stories but I send lots of good ju-ju that it will be perfect and you'll love it


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#6 of 12 Old 07-24-2015, 11:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i got the dress and it isn't bad, but doesn't fit well. I had the intention of losing weight but i don't think it would fit me well with the weight loss just because it is built for a smaller bone structure. Anyway, after going over the numbers we have decided to raise the budget so we can have a wedding/reception that will fit our needs. I was hoping to get it all done for about 1500$ but 3000$ is likely what we will spend. We do have some money set aside, but we are also moving it back another month. Going to look at a hall next week for the wedding/reception. I am likely going to try to make it up to the 99 $ sale at davids for a dress. I hit the tail end of the sale but want to go see what size fits me since i am pear shaped it can be tricky.

So far we have inviation kits and flower girl dresses, got a long way to go....oh and got the dj...my uncle is a dj so that is covered and one less expense thank goodness.

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#7 of 12 Old 07-24-2015, 01:58 PM
 
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Three times was the charm for me. First wedding was right out of college, and we only had about $2,000 for a budget. We did appetizers, a lot of hand made stuff, and it was a nice wedding. The marriage lasted a few years.

My second wedding was a LOT more elaborate. No kids involved. Budget was about $25,000. The marriage lasted six weeks. (Long and terrible story.)

My last wedding, we got married in my brother's yard with a potluck supper. The whole thing, including my dress, was $500. I married into four kids, and we included them in the ceremony. Eight years later...

What I learned: Weddings are nice, but the marriage is a lot more important. Don't get too worried about the fancy stuff.
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#8 of 12 Old 07-24-2015, 11:24 PM
 
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what size are you? what's the dress you WANT to have? I ask because I'm a dress designer and I happen to have my old wedding dress that's about a size 14/16-ish (made to my measurements at the time) You also might want to check out thrift stores or Goodwill, I've seen lots of wedding dresses there and maybe you can find something that can be altered.

Also, try putting that Chinese made gown up on Ebay to recoup some of the $$ you paid for it


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#9 of 12 Old 07-25-2015, 02:42 AM
 
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We had a very simple wedding when I was about 8 month pregnant with our daughter. Our original plan was to get married when our daughter got christened but as I got more and more pregnant I started to feel that I wanted to be married when the baby arrived. I wanted a small but inexpensive wedding with our families and friends but my husband felt he wanted a very small one. I accepted his wishes as long as I got to pick the minister and church. He agreed and we got married in our neighborhood church with a fantastic minister who helped us pick beautiful songs and we and our 3 guests (friends) along with the minister, the organist and the church janitor gathered and the ceremony was beautiful. As there were so few guests they got chairs which were placed just a couple of meters from the altar and the feeling was very intimate. We had many traditional elements like typical wedding songs but the ceremony felt informal and close and even though it was not my first pick I would not have it any other way. Afterwards we invited our friends to a dinner of pumpkin soup and a lebanese desert called Layali Lebnan. The only thing I do regret a little is that we did not have a wedding cake but as my husband has egg allergy it is a bit hard to find bakeries that make egg free cakes and I am no cake decorator. I can make tasty cakes but not pretty ones...

I bought a dress from a plus-size department that I genuinely liked for the wedding and the cut and the fabric was very much what I would chosen had I not been pregnant too but I did not put very much effort into the pick and I was just lucky to find such a good dress really. I wore a lace scarf as a simple veil-like ornament. My husband got a new "fancy" outfit with red trousers, grey blazer and matching belt, shirt and tie. It sounds a bit pimp-like I know but it worked for him and looked very nice. He is not that fond of traditional styles of formal wear for men so this was a good choice for him.

I did not keep close track of what it cost but probably around 250-300 dollars is my estimate. We have said that when we have have been married for 10 years we will have that big party that everyone had when they got married, we will instead celebrate getting through the first 10 years which we feel is an actual achievement, getting married is easy. (Note that I do not object to the choice of having a bigger wedding and spend lots on it, it just isn't our style.)
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#10 of 12 Old 07-25-2015, 10:26 AM
 
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We had a backyard wedding on super short notice. One of our big hurdles in planning our wedding was that his mom lived 18 hours away and had COPD. She rarely went out, even in town, because it was scary, being on air and worrying about it running out. Totally understandable... and my mom was saying it's okay to get married up norh, her and dad don't really *need* to be at the wedding, they'll just take us out for a nice supper/reception when we get back to town. But I wanted my parents at my wedding!

MIL's dad is local to us, and was having a 90th birthday, and she shocked everyone by deciding to travel down here for it! We decided to just go for it, while my husband drove up to get his mom, I scrambled to find a JP and make wedding plans. The guys wore tuxedo t-shirts, my daughter wore a dress my mom found at her second hand shop, and I found a nice summer dress. We got a real tiered wedding cake and I wore a veil because those were important to me. We decorated with the helium balloon kit you can get at walmart! There were only 8 of us there, my husbands mom and one of her grandkids who she brought along, my parents, and my husband and I our 2 (at the time) kids. We made a few salads and barbecued steak.

My husbands mom stayed about a week, and he drove her back home again at the end of the visit. It's good that we did the wedding when we did, because she passed away just 3 months later. I'm sure that if we hadn't taken that opportunity she wouldn't have been at our wedding.

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#11 of 12 Old 07-31-2015, 04:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by rubelin View Post
what size are you? what's the dress you WANT to have? I ask because I'm a dress designer and I happen to have my old wedding dress that's about a size 14/16-ish (made to my measurements at the time) You also might want to check out thrift stores or Goodwill, I've seen lots of wedding dresses there and maybe you can find something that can be altered.

Also, try putting that Chinese made gown up on Ebay to recoup some of the $$ you paid for it
i actually went dress shopping last weekend with dp's mom, just to try some on and tbh i don't know what i want lol. I think i need more time to decide. i was trying on 12's at the store. I did find some good resale sites i am going to check out. I don't want something really fancy but i don't want something really plain either.

We did put down a deposit for an officiant and the community center where the reception and ceremony will be. I did a lot of searching and found an old remodeled electric plant building turned community center. It is in a large town close to our family about 40 mins from us but the price was just 300 so affordable. We are opting out of alcohol. We both don't drink much and are going for a 4 hour total wedding/lunch reception and will likely go out with friends and family after to celebrate and then have a couple drinks. so things are falling into place !

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#12 of 12 Old 08-21-2015, 03:34 AM
 
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My first bf never wanted to get married. We got kids and that was enough for him. My now boyfriend does wants to get married. So it is going to be my first marriage but with kids from a different daddy.
We are planning to ask a local restaurant if they want to host our party. We're expecting it will be around €4500,- for 100 guest with dinner and drinks! We want everyone to leave after midnight.
Music will be hopefully free: my bf has some close friends who play in bands. Another friend will likely do the photo's for us. I've three friends who are in semi-pro photography so I might ask them too to not be shy to take photos as well.

We're going to get legally married in the city hall for free on a Thursday or something. And a friend of us will officiate our wedding ceremony at the party.

We want it to be an affordable but big wedding party. Although the restaurant I'm talking about is an old ship and built with containers and decorated with second hand chairs and tables. Which I love! So we don't need to do a lot of decorating either. We probably need to hire a tent for the day and I hope not all 100 people will come because it's rather small venue.

We haven't set a date and we don't have any engagement rings yet. But as you can see we planned the whole thing already. Now we're waiting for the money...
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