Thank you for all the sound advice and quick replies. I failed to mention I have a 9 year old daughter myself. We are great with each other and she is loving and caring. She does great in school, and her mother and I get along great lately.
In the beginning, I would get up with him. But I felt I was the only one and I didn't sign up to be the only parent. I would even shut the door so she could get some rest thinking maybe the next day she would get up early. Or I would tell her it was time to get up, and he needed changed (no attempt at potty training), but it would take her a half our or more to get up. In which she'd be back asleep on the couch, or on her phone.
I was up till 5am last night stressing about it, and Up at 9am before both of them today.
Originally Posted by katelove
This is not a 4yo problem. This is a parenting problem. I would guess 90% of the issues you mentioned could be solved by getting rid of the TV in his room (and limiting viewing elsewhere), feeding him regularly and providing lots of outdoor play.
Why is your GF sleeping in until 12-2 every day? Is she going to bed very late? Is it possible that she has depression? Are there any other family members who could provide some support? Even though he is an ex-partner, the local DV services will probably have advice on how to deal with an abusive former parter with whom you share a child.
You mentioned that she doesn't use drugs, which is great. Does she look after herself well in other ways? Does she have a good diet? Limit alcohol? Exercise regularly? All of those things can help with sleep.
Has she had councelling to help her process the abuse she suffered? Was her son abused or did he witness abuse? He may need councelling as well.
There are many, many issues here. This poor little fellow is living (and has always lived by the sounds if it) an extremely stressful and chaotic life. He isn't going to thrive unless that is addressed.
I wish you all the very best. I hope you can bring about some positive changes.
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She can't sleep at night, maybe she is depressed I don't know. None of her family will watch him, they are all too self-involved. Her own father is an alcoholic who beat her mom and sisters constantly. I don't think her child has seen any violence. The grandpa, and the child's father were never around. His father has been watching him about 2 days a month but got arrested a week ago for theft of unregistered firearms, she's already taking him to court. But if he keeps coming around I will leave. He messages her constantly and keeps bringing up their past love life and talks bad about me to her, eventually I'm afraid he may attempt to attack me.
I know I need to leave, but I pay most the bills, she totaled her car 2 months ago and we share my truck now. But I can't leave... I'm sure you've been there, the signs are all there, but I can't leave. I'm sure one day I may have to.
I will also mention that when I brought it up to her about staying up all night and sleeping in, I caught her later trying to score aderall off a coworker so she wouldn't be tired during the day. I threatened to leave her on that one...
Thanks for your time. We probably need professional counseling.