Mothering Forum banner

Self induced parental alienation rant

1K views 4 replies 4 participants last post by  crescentaluna 
#1 · (Edited)
SO not sure if anyone deals with this but my ex can be quite blunt and rude, well last weekend he took it to a whole new level. He cam to ds's bball game and they lost, the team is at a lower skills level than most the team but they are improving since the beginning of the season. So my ex finally came to a game, yay! Or so I thought. He was immediately annoyed our dd wouldn't sit with him and then when ds was done we were all walking out and he told ds he did horrible. That was the first thing he says to his son whom he hasn't even seen play a sport in like 2 years! My dh was very angry and so was I. Once in the car I told ds he was not horrible...Then dh chimed in and agreed. It left a sick feeling in both my and dh's stomache.

I talked to ds about it the next day, and he said "dad is mean, dad is a bully. I don't want dad to go to my games anymore." How heartbreaking.

Ex then called a couple days later and said he would apologize to ds likely his fiance said he was in the wrong and that is why he called to find out if ds was mad at him.

So he thinks I am turning our son against him but in reality he is doing that all on his own. He already got upset because ds was going to bible study. I pulled him out of that to reduce the drama. But ds is resentful of his father.

Then conferences were last night. Ds wrote a thank you letter to me and his teacher for going to conference, he then wrote 'maybe dad' and scratched out 'maybe' cause he knew his dad would be upset but wasn't sure if he would even go. Just beyond frustrating. He then tears apart ds's one B+ in math, says he is going to work with him at home, doesn't give him and compliments for all his A's or his darn B+, acts annoyed he didn't know they were off school eventhough i gave him a calendar with all the days off of school. Tells ds he will try to get him tomorrow night (yeah right)!

My ds is just becoming so aware of his dads lack of interest in his day to day life, I do not know what to do for ds. Dh tries as best he can but it just annoys me that Ex puts ds at a distant 4th in his life. First work, then dd, then fiance and then ds. Grrh!
 
See less See more
#2 ·
My only feedback on this is to let dad dig his own grave with ds.
My dd had the same thing (not the derogatory talk, but the disinterest and absenteeism)
and truly, I never spoke bad about him. She made up her mind about him all on her own.




Once she turned 18 - she turned him off. Hasn't spoken to him, or even answered a text to him, in 4 years.


I cant say he didn't earn it.
 
#3 ·
Yep. Parental estrangement, he's doing it all on his own...but of course if he is a blamer, he will have to try to blame it on you and use that so boring parental alienation story that all abusive parents seem to use. I'm sad for your ds. I think it's probably healing for him to be able to express how he feels about his dad's actions. He has every right to feel what he feels, and I'm glad he has at least one supportive parent.
 
#4 ·
A little update, Ds had another game saturday and his dad and fiancee came, me and dh were there. The team only had 5 players and the boys didn't get a sit out one time because there were no subs. Ds even invited the janitor which i thought was sweet. I am not sure who or what got into him but he was playing to impress. He was afraid for his dad to come back but since his dad apologized he said it would be okay. Now ds isn't the most athletic but he tries. And at the end we went over to him and his dad actually gave him some encouragement and said he did a good job. Dh and I were both happy about that, we can't stop him from being a jerk but at the very least he was able to say the right thing the second time around :bang:rolleyes
 
#5 ·
I'm just so sorry for you. I send you support. I've been there too? It is so hard to understand why some parents act like this. Maybe there is an idea that "tough love" is the only way they can show love.
Life is unfair, right? For kids in this situation, it's just one more unfair thing. You sound like you are doing all the right things to support your kids. Keep doing that, tell them that grown-ups do make mistakes and everyone can learn to do better, hope that dad learns from his mistakes and keep going. Your son sounds resilient. Good luck:heart:
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top