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#31 of 57 Old 08-04-2005, 12:14 AM
 
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I was at both the court house and the child support office today and in the state of CA once the parent is terminated they no longer have to pay future support, they do how ever have to pay arrears. They all got a kick out of the fact that the state found and attached dd's bio dads pay check the day they terminated his rights last week :LOL

Seriously?
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#32 of 57 Old 08-15-2005, 10:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie Mae
Has anyone had experience with terminating parental rights?
we are actually going through this right now. luckily my daughter's bio-dad has agreed to sign whatever papers he needed to.
he hasn't seen my daughter since 2001. she is almost 8 and doesn't remember him, but we do talk about the adoption. let me know if you have any questions about the step parent adoptions.
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#33 of 57 Old 08-25-2005, 08:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by PinkyPan
I'm in PA, ending parental rights in this state means the dad is abusive, doesn't want child, neglectful due to drug/alcohol, etc. It means he gets No Contact because he could injure/damage the child. His resposibility for bringingthe child into the world does not end - he pays. I have had no contact custody and PFA for 3 1/2 yr and his rights have not been terminated yet.
That's not true. I'm from PA and I was told that after having no contact for 2 years (but court ordered child support is considered contact) it was easy to have parental rights terminated. Unless the laws have changed in the last 4 years... I was told it wasn't really worth it unless I got married and my dh wanted to adopt--which is what happened, but by then we'd moved to IN where the laws are different.

And I totally missed the question I was asked all those months ago. I am still receiving support--but that's because until we go to court and ds is adopted, ds's bio dad's rights are not considered terminated. We don't have the money right now to finish the process, so we're waiting--and saving up the support to pay the lawyer! LOL! Our lawyer is a good friend of mine (but she's not doing it for free!) so she's happy to hold off and take better paying jobs until we have the money.
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#34 of 57 Old 08-26-2005, 01:29 AM
 
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Wendy,

Why don't you do the adoption yourself? You don't need a lawyer to do it.

Seriously?
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#35 of 57 Old 08-26-2005, 11:00 AM
 
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naking.....but a few years ago when my dh adopted my ds, i handled it all. the county social workers really walked me through the process and the paperwork. it cost us half of what an attorney wanted to charge us.

good luck-

lisa

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#36 of 57 Old 08-26-2005, 02:12 PM
 
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Because ds's dad refused to sign and terminate his parental rights, we have to go to court to have the judge decree it done. So we're having that and the adoption done in one fell swoop. Oh, and same w/ the name change. Ds has his bio dad's last name and you can't change names here in IN w/out going to court (maybe it's just this county). It should be a no-brainer, but apparently sometimes it's more a big deal around here. I don't kow if it's b/c of IN's laws or what, but I've talked to people who did and they told me I really needed a lawyer.
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#37 of 57 Old 08-26-2005, 10:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wendy1221
Because ds's dad refused to sign and terminate his parental rights, we have to go to court to have the judge decree it done. So we're having that and the adoption done in one fell swoop. Oh, and same w/ the name change. Ds has his bio dad's last name and you can't change names here in IN w/out going to court (maybe it's just this county). It should be a no-brainer, but apparently sometimes it's more a big deal around here. I don't kow if it's b/c of IN's laws or what, but I've talked to people who did and they told me I really needed a lawyer.

You can do it yourself quite easy, you do not need a lawyer. Just have faith in yourself! I posted over in the step parenting forum like a month ago with a website for those in your state, go check it out. You CAN do this yourself, it may sound scary but you can do it!

Seriously?
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#38 of 57 Old 09-12-2005, 07:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Raynbow
Phone calls, birthday cards, letters - even COURT mandated child support all count as "contact".

The easiest way to do this is for him to agree (point out the benefits - no child support) and voluntarily sign the papers.
Yes, but what are you options if the only time you ever hear from him is if his income tax get's intercepted or his child support gets raised. My situation is that my ds's bio dad hasn't seen him since he was 3 (7yrs) never calls for bd's or xmas. but if it has to do with $$ he is on the phone so fast, not asking about ds, but the $$. I have asked him each time we've had the $$ discussion to relinquish his rights and let my dh adopt ds, but he refuses because it's "his seed". He has not tried to build a relationship with ds. I feel like we're in limbo. I don't understand why he insist on hanging on when he doesn't really want to do what it takes to be in ds's life. What can I do? I get c/s, but only becuz it's garnished.

Sabrina , mom to 4 fab kids!

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#39 of 57 Old 09-12-2005, 08:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sabrinat
Yes, but what are you options if the only time you ever hear from him is if his income tax get's intercepted or his child support gets raised. My situation is that my ds's bio dad hasn't seen him since he was 3 (7yrs) never calls for bd's or xmas. but if it has to do with $$ he is on the phone so fast, not asking about ds, but the $$. I have asked him each time we've had the $$ discussion to relinquish his rights and let my dh adopt ds, but he refuses because it's "his seed". He has not tried to build a relationship with ds. I feel like we're in limbo. I don't understand why he insist on hanging on when he doesn't really want to do what it takes to be in ds's life. What can I do? I get c/s, but only becuz it's garnished.
You still have several options, how about using "extreme parental disinterest" many states allow that one.

Seriously?
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#40 of 57 Old 09-12-2005, 10:26 PM
 
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I'm intrigued. I've never heard of that one...I even consulted an attorney once about termination and she never mentioned this. We live in NC. How do I find out if that's an option for us.

Sabrina , mom to 4 fab kids!

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#41 of 57 Old 09-12-2005, 11:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sabrinat
I'm intrigued. I've never heard of that one...I even consulted an attorney once about termination and she never mentioned this. We live in NC. How do I find out if that's an option for us.
You can file under disinterest or best interest of the child http://library.adoption.com/Terminat...le/8623/1.html

Seriously?
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#42 of 57 Old 09-14-2005, 09:21 PM
 
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thanks for the info, I'm going to check it out!

Sabrina , mom to 4 fab kids!

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#43 of 57 Old 03-01-2006, 07:03 PM
 
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Im confused My husbands ex his wanting him to award her sole custody and terminate his visitation. He has decided for the children not to see them anymore, the mother has constantley put them in the middle and has turned them against dad, they dont want to come over any more. He doesnt want to give her full custody and not have a chance to see them and have to still pay.
my point is she has made our lifes a living hell and has put he kids in the middle. she is just trying to get more support, cuz she refuses to work.I fthey argree to relinquish his rights does he still pay support ? we are in arizona.
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#44 of 57 Old 03-09-2006, 11:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kunder77
Im confused My husbands ex his wanting him to award her sole custody and terminate his visitation. He has decided for the children not to see them anymore, the mother has constantley put them in the middle and has turned them against dad, they dont want to come over any more. He doesnt want to give her full custody and not have a chance to see them and have to still pay.
my point is she has made our lifes a living hell and has put he kids in the middle. she is just trying to get more support, cuz she refuses to work.I fthey argree to relinquish his rights does he still pay support ? we are in arizona.
Your husbands ex can't just demand this is what I want and legally
get it. It's one thing if she wants sole custody but she can't just
tell him to terminate his visitation.
Is your husband behind on his child support? If he is he will still be
responsible to pay that amount if rights are terminated.
Why doesn't your husband be a hero and go to court to work some
thing out with child support and visitation with his children. If they
have a visitation schedule his ex will have to make it work.
If he doesn't want to pay child support then maybe he shouldn't have
had children. Despite the Mothers actions. Getting rights terminated
isn't always easy, especially if another party isn't adopting the children.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
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#45 of 57 Old 03-09-2006, 11:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinity6232000
If he doesn't want to pay child support then maybe he shouldn't have
had children. Despite the Mothers actions. Getting rights terminated
isn't always easy, especially if another party isn't adopting the children.

Wow, bit harsh aren't we? Maybe they had a happy marriage when they were born, we don't know and its not for us to judge. I don't agree with the posters line of thinking about terminating but wow, that was just harsh.


ps: depending on the state the child support obligation may not end at termination, I know of at least 1 state that requires continuing support.

Seriously?
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#46 of 57 Old 03-10-2006, 01:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satori
Wow, bit harsh aren't we? Maybe they had a happy marriage when they were born, we don't know and its not for us to judge. I don't agree with the posters line of thinking about terminating but wow, that was just harsh.
I'm sorry if it sounds judgmental or harsh. It's a serious statement.
Child support is for the welfare of children. If the Mother of the children
is harming the relationship between the children and their Father then
he should try to work out every option he has to make it better.
But giving up rights to children who have a relationship to you doesn't
seem like a option.

But lets imagine that it is too much for Father to handle. The mess
that the Mother is creating. Wouldn't you still want to support your
kids knowing that it's in their best interest to keep paying child support?
The children are already suffering in the loss of a relationship with a
Dad who is ready to quit. Why should they suffer financially too?

I don’t see how the reality of the situation is harsh. Somebody has
kids they should want the best for those kids. If they don’t want to
support them they should have thought about that before the kids
were born. Not now that it’s become inconvenient.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
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#47 of 57 Old 03-18-2006, 08:59 PM
 
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Definatley harsh. I get what they are saying. Correct me if I am wrong, but bio mom has made life hell for kids, kids life consist of hate campaign toward father, father thinking of terminating rights for the kids sake, to ease the tension for them. I can understand that, as my DH and I have been going through same thing for over 5yrs and it is exhuasting in eery way.
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#48 of 57 Old 04-05-2006, 07:26 PM
 
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For those of you that successfully TPR'd - was there a form that you filed with the court and where did you find it? I don't know where to begin. I'm pretty savvy online, but I just feel like I'm lost here.

TIA!
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#49 of 57 Old 04-05-2006, 07:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by woobysma
For those of you that successfully TPR'd - was there a form that you filed with the court and where did you find it? I don't know where to begin. I'm pretty savvy online, but I just feel like I'm lost here.

TIA!
I got mine from the court house, only 2 forums I needed were actually online in my state. The rest came from the court or I had to write them myself.

Seriously?
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#50 of 57 Old 04-05-2006, 07:47 PM
 
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In a lot of states, parents' rights cannot be terminated unless someone else is adopting that child. (Aside from CPS cases.) The reason for this is that abusive ex-husbands would bully the battered ex-wives into agreeing to terminate his rights so he could get out of child support. Just a little FYI for ya. You might want to check what the laws are in your state.
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#51 of 57 Old 04-05-2006, 09:27 PM
 
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Thanks ladies - I guess I'll take a field trip to my court house next week.

I know it's easier to TPR when you have someone willing to step in immediately, but I figured I'd try it before the wedding and postpone it until after if it looks like it's too difficult now. DP and I will very likely get married soon, but I didn't want to feel like I was rushing down the isle because of this, kwim? He's been super supportive on this, so I don't think he'd see it as an ulterior motive, but I'd rather not have a pending adoption be an issue
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#52 of 57 Old 04-05-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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We're about to file the paperwork for my husband to adopt my daughter. I don't think bio-dad will sign a consent. Just to be a dick. Hasn't paid child support in 7 years, hasn't seen her in a year, rarely saw her before that, didn't show up for the custody hearing. So I'll have to file a "Contested Adoption" which will take longer, and which means that I'll have to pay a process server to serve him with the papers, all for him to not even show up at the hearing.

Off topic, but had to vent. I know what it's like to have stuff pending when you just want to move forward.
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#53 of 57 Old 04-20-2006, 04:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satori
I posted over in the step parenting forum like a month ago with a website for those in your state, go check it out. You CAN do this yourself, it may sound scary but you can do it!
hello to everyone, I am new to this site and have been looking for information of adoption process for step-parents.... My soon to be husband (04/22/06) has been raising PA since he was 2yr.. and since the wedding is in 48 hours I have been looking to get info on doing this adoption on the ball being that the "donor" has never even seen my son face to face.. the last time I spoke to him was around 3 yrs ago and he told me that same ol story "I'll try" but I have not seen it.. So if anyone could help me find what that info that Satori posted about those websites, I would appreciate it.. I really do not want to get a lawyer.. P.S. the only thing I have on the bio is a court order for child support that was made due to the fact that he never showed up to deny it.
Please some one
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#54 of 57 Old 04-20-2006, 04:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Satori
You can file under disinterest or best interest of the child http://library.adoption.com/Terminat...le/8623/1.html
Here's one of her links again - but I'd suggest just going to your local court-house and having someone help you gather the forms. It's on my "to-do" list
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#55 of 57 Old 04-20-2006, 05:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Maggie Mae
But I wonder about the long-term impact. DD doesn't talk about her bio-dad anymore and never missed him. (Really. We talked and talked about it and he was never around enough for her to get attached to) I'm sure one day she'll want something more than what's she's got from her bio-dad, but who knows?
I have been the child in this situation, sort of.

My father and mother divorced when I was less than 2, separated before my younger sibling was even born. My mother took care of us and though my father was ordered to pay child support, he did the first month then never again and we didn't even see him again either.

I spent my entire life thinking "good riddance to bad rubbish", not because my mother bad-mouthed him, but because I figured that a father who didn't want to be around his children was a waste of flesh anyway and I wasn't missing anything.

So if your DD seems to not care at all about her bio-father, great, wonderful, then I doubt she ever will.

My younger sibling, on the other hand, always seemed to feel the loss of our bio-father and I guess, daydream about how great it would be to be with him. I have had people insist to me that I must have missed my bio-dad and wanted to meet him and have him in my life, but I absolutely, 100% honestly never ever felt that way. As an adult, I actually found his address, accidentally and it's been years and I have not written or contacted him, I just don't even want any weird potential hassles in my life.

I hope you can terminate bio-dad's rights but make sure that this is what your DD wants. My mother talked to us a few times in our childhood about our step-father adopting us and I always said "no", I just wanted to stay the way I was, my mother's legal daughter. Of course, it never occurred to me that there could be a problem if my mother ever passed away. But if your DD does want to be adopted by her step-father (ask her and tell her that she can say no if she wants, or she can wait to make the decision), then I'd say "go for it!"
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#56 of 57 Old 04-20-2006, 06:36 PM
 
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I agree, I would talk to your dd about it (it sounds like you already did) before I went through with something legally. My DS met his father once when he was 7 - and liked him, but it was more that he was attached to the idea of a "dad" than to his actual bio-father. He's much more attached to DP than to my ex. He refers to his father by his first name or as "the guy who helped mom get the baby" (talking about himself) and calls dp "dad". The idea that every child will have a burning desire to meet and get to know their bio-parents is false, IME - most kids are happier just to be loved on a daily basis and feel secure in the knowledge that the adults in their lives are there to protect and nurture them. Just my 2 cents.
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#57 of 57 Old 04-20-2006, 06:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PA's momma
hello to everyone, I am new to this site and have been looking for information of adoption process for step-parents.... My soon to be husband (04/22/06) has been raising PA since he was 2yr.. and since the wedding is in 48 hours I have been looking to get info on doing this adoption on the ball being that the "donor" has never even seen my son face to face.. the last time I spoke to him was around 3 yrs ago and he told me that same ol story "I'll try" but I have not seen it.. So if anyone could help me find what that info that Satori posted about those websites, I would appreciate it.. I really do not want to get a lawyer.. P.S. the only thing I have on the bio is a court order for child support that was made due to the fact that he never showed up to deny it.
Please some one
It really depends on what state you are in. The family court where you live may have a section to help pro se parties. You should just pay them a visit and ask. It doesn't seem like you need an attorney, since bio-dad is not contesting anything.
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