racially blended blended families? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 05-09-2005, 01:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wanted to see if anyone has any experience raising kids of different colors. My son is white, but my partner is black and we are expecting our first babe. All of my friends are anti-racist radical folk, but my mom's racist lining is coming out thanks to my pregnancy.
My partner, Rob, and I dated for a while in 2001, then I was with DS' dad from 2001 until Dec. 2003 and then Rob and I got back together right before/as DS' dad were breaking up.
So, my mom has known Rob for 4.5 years and we've been living together for a year and a half, and it wasn't until we started TTC that she started freaking out. I worry that she will treat my second child differently (worse) than she does Julian. She seems to be coming around and I keep confronting her about it, but I just don't know how it's going to turn out.
So I guess I just want to hear if anyone's had a mixed family like ours, and how your family dealt with it. Also, any other issues that came up as the kids got older.
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#2 of 10 Old 05-11-2005, 07:30 PM
 
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Oh me! My first three kids are biracial (my exh is black and I am white) and my current husband and son are as white as you've ever seen white people being white .

It was weirder when I was pregnant, then it is now. One of my children's friends (white, we live in rural nebraska, only a few interracial and black kids around) asked when I was pregnant, "But what if youf new baby is rascist?" It at least sparked an interesting discussion .

My youngest doesn't know what to think when my ex picks up the other kids every other weekend. I don't even know when you explain something like that.

We don't use terms like half brother/sister here. My kids just say this is my baby brother, and then explain if people ask about the color issue. They live together, they are all my kids, they are siblings. There is no HALF here .
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#3 of 10 Old 05-11-2005, 07:59 PM
 
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I don't know if we qualify. My husband is biracial so that makes our kids......... I don't know but they have more than one race in them! The only people who seem to have an issue with it all are the ones who think DH comes from the dirtiest places in the dirtiest Spanish countries. Once they find out his dad is from Chile they calm down for some reason. I don't know why though. :LOL

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#4 of 10 Old 05-13-2005, 06:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Gethane- isn't it crazy that people think a white kid with non-white siblings could be a racist? That seems totally impossible to me. I have friends whose first kid (his from first marriage, she adopted at 3) is biracial and their younger one is white, so thankfully my kids won't feel like they are the only family in the world like ours. I hope people don't make Julian feel weird about it at only 3, he hasn't even noticed that people are different colors yet.
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#5 of 10 Old 05-13-2005, 06:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hottmama
Gethane- isn't it crazy that people think a white kid with non-white siblings could be a racist? That seems totally impossible to me.
Yeah I must admit that question had me scratching my head. He was 10 at the time, and I suppose if you don't understand all the things that lead up to rascism, this could be something you would think. Maybe he thinks being rascist is like the flu and you can catch it? Heh, not really sure. Frankly, if he was thinking it, I'm glad he asked so we could take briefly about rascism.

This is totally off topic, but my oldest son (now 14) used to have a friend I totally didn't like. He seemed WAY too polite to me, and I always thought he was up to something. When they were about 8 or 9, they kept getting into fights and then my son would come to me and say he called him a n*gger. Well, after the second time, and second discussion with the kid's parents, I said, "Enough!" He can't come over anymore. You can't go over there anymore. I'm not sure that was the right choice, but its what I chose at the time.

Just this year he sparked a protest at the middle school. He apparently (this is from my daughter and the local paper) came out as gay and tried to put a gay pride poster up back in february or march. The school took it down, which sparked a student protest to put it back up! In rural Nebraska! Yay, I have such hope for my children's generation. They were totally in support of this 8th grade boy putting up a gay pride poster.

I think he's probably learned why it wasn't ok to call my son a n*gger 6 years ago. Not that I would ever have wished prejudice on anyone.
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#6 of 10 Old 05-27-2005, 07:15 PM
 
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I am Guatemalan and DH is half French/half German, but born in the US so he's American...

My oldest was born in the States, and my youngest in Malaysia...they're both American though, but half Guatemalan because of me

Caro
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#7 of 10 Old 05-31-2005, 07:48 PM
 
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I'm white and dh is from the Caribbean and is black. His 16 yo son lives with us here in the states (has lived with us since he was 13 & I've known him since he was 9) and we have a 16 mo ds. Dss's mom is from the same island as dh but has some native indian in her too so dss is a little lighter-skinned than dh. I don't know if people think he's my son (I guess I'm starting to look old enough), but mostly people have just assumed so when we have to go to appts or at school or whatever. I've talked to him a few times about the fact race stuff and that I and my family are white and all that, but really there's not as much racial baggage where they're from than here (still some, since it was a British colony, but not nearly as all-consuming as here) and I think he's just not as oriented around race as most American 16 yo black males would be.

The other thing that makes or mix interesting is that ds is VERY light-skinned. Before he was born I was thinking a lot about what it would mean for as a white woman to raise a black son (even though I'm already doing it, but it's different from birth), and then he's so light-skinned I know most people don't even think he could be mixed unless dh or dss is with us. Mostly I get a lot of questions about how'd he get such curly hair if it's just the two of us. But I live in a city with a very high multi-racial population so many people are just more accepting of the possibility.

Raising a teenager and a toddler is another whole story - it's not easy! But both boys are really great and ds loves his older brother so much!

Thanks for the thread!
Lisa
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#8 of 10 Old 06-13-2005, 04:00 PM
 
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Howdy all! I've got a blended/multi racial family. I'm white (the european mutt style), SO's black, step daughters 1 &2 are black/white and stepson and step daughter 3 are black/mexican. It's been an experience all round, but even more so with the oldest two (who are 14 & 13 -- oops I said she's 12, but really she turned 13 in april!). It seems certain issues are coming out of the teenaged woodwork for the oldest, esp, and I'm really having a time trying to sound like I've got any real clue about the issues, though I'd say I do moreso than most people from where I grew up. Mr Toona's got the racial problems covered more than I, but since neither of us have been bi-racial, it's harder for us to deal with the "you're not black but you're not white" crap that she's going through. She often asks us, "so if I'm half black, and half white, which half of me is which?!?!"

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#9 of 10 Old 07-21-2005, 10:37 PM
 
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Well with my family. Were muslim. Im a convert, Im mixed my child from my first relationship is mixed(costa rican,black,white,indian) my second son is mixed(black white,scottish indian) and my husband is half white and scottish(born in canada so my husband is canadian and my second son is american and canadian and my first son is american, and im american
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#10 of 10 Old 11-08-2005, 11:35 AM
 
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my two step children are biracial. I told my famly and friends if they treat them any diffrent from my DD who is due in december then they will not be see or spending time with any of them my step children are to be treat the same as my own children. I dont care if they are black white purple or red they are to be love and repected in my home. I even told my own mother this and my DD is her frist grandchild..
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