Bio moms with no stepkids??? - Mothering Forums
Blended and Step Family Parenting > Bio moms with no stepkids???
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 06:25 PM 05-12-2005
I was just wondering how many are here that are in a blended family, where they are the bio mom and hubby has no kids from a previous marriage.

I've been on a few other blended family boards and it seems the majority is always the other way (DH has biological kids) or a combination (both have bio's and have child rearing experience)

I think the obstacles are different for those of us that are the bio mom and DH has no experience...at least as far as what specific problems we face. Like before DH and I had our son together (just this March) he didn't have kids and IMO..had no clue about what it was really like to be a father. That showed in his harsh parenting "techniques" and we had constant, horrendous fights over my girls, but he'd argue to the death that his "ways" would be better for the girls in the long run.

Of course all blended families (and families in general) have different problems...no family is the same...but I'd really like to know how many are in a similar boat ....cuz I feel this ship might sink at any moment

Shenjall's Avatar Shenjall 06:51 PM 05-12-2005
Sorry, I'm not in the same boat but I just wanted to give you a big

A friend of mine is involved with a man with 2 kids - she has none. I feel so bad for her b/c she went from single gal to stepmom to 2! (ages 8 and 10).

It must be very difficult for you at times. Dh and I always say we're lucky that we had kids apart b/c it made the blending much easier. (as easy as blending can be :LOL ) Hang in there! I may not be able to relate but I can always offer a shoulder. (like the other mamas here!)
Katt2005's Avatar Katt2005 07:43 PM 05-12-2005
I was married to a guy who had no kids. It was very hard! I don't think you feel those special bonds and real love, until you have a kid of your own. Then you see it, and are able to give it to step kids too. He said it was like 24/7 babysitting. Although he was a jerk, so I don't know that what he said was credible.
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 03:14 PM 05-13-2005
Hi ladies...and thanks so much for responding, but I guess it seems I'm in my own category here too...as usual
AngelBee's Avatar AngelBee 03:17 PM 05-13-2005
You mean you have children from a previous relationship and he does not?

That is me! ds1 is not bio dh child, but he is his dad!
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 03:32 PM 05-13-2005
yep..thats exxaccerry what I meant

So you have a son...who's 1 year old? ( not sure I get all the abbrevations yet)

That's great that your Dh treats him as his own....and I could probably see that being easier if he is only 1.

My problem is that my girls are 5 & 7 (4 & 6 when we got married). He gets along pretty well with the 5yo, but clashes like crazy with my 7yo. Which is just so odd to me because she's the lovable, do-anything-for-ya one...and she's so extremely sensitive and gets her feelings hurt very easily and it just breaks my heart the way he trys to treat her. I probably wouldn't even mind so much if it was the younger one...she's independent and hard headed and tough as nails.

awww...who am I kiddin..that would bother me too

but the girls had been used to having me all to themselves for so long and we did things how we wanted. Bedtime was whenever we felt like going to bed...dinner was whatever each of us felt like most nights and if they didn't feel like finishing everything and wanted popcorn later...that was fine. He thinks that kind of stuff is JUST WRONG and apparently its going to make them horrible adults

..lol...I'll stop there...I could go on for days about our differences in parenting styles.
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 03:35 PM 05-13-2005
doh...I just saw in the bottom of your post that you have a 5 year old son. I think I get what your situation is now. Youhad a son, then re-married and now you also have kids together???

That's great that your DH is mature enough to treat your bio son as his own...wish I was so lucky
AngelBee's Avatar AngelBee 03:36 PM 05-13-2005
No ds1 is 5. Dh came into his life at 13 months though, so still kinda like you said.....easy transition. How old were your girls when Dh started coming around?
AngelBee's Avatar AngelBee 03:38 PM 05-13-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz
doh...I just saw in the bottom of your post that you have a 5 year old son. I think I get what your situation is now. Youhad a son, then re-married and now you also have kids together???

That's great that your DH is mature enough to treat your bio son as his own...wish I was so lucky
He should treat them as his own...or he should not have married you. Know what I mean? It is a package deal.
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 03:41 PM 05-13-2005
Next month will be our 2nd anniversary...and that same month the girls will turn 6 & 8. So they were just turning 4 & 6 when we got married.

Think I got that right
Kerlowyn's Avatar Kerlowyn 03:42 PM 05-13-2005
Jbugz, my family is the same setup. I have a DS from a previous relationship, DH had no kids when we met. We had our first child together 9 months after being married.

It was hard for me to let go of having total control over all things kid related. I was a single mom for 6 years. At first, before we married, DH was critical of the way I parented DS. But, as he got to know us better, he saw the big picture. It really clicked for him when DS2 became a toddler, and less mommy centered. He understood that when he met me and DS1, it was like reading a book but starting in the middle. With DS2, he saw how it all began. It has been hard at times to just let him be, and find his 'inner dad' and not tell him what to do. But, the more I do, the better dad he is, and he is one amaizing father for sure.

Have things changed any since your new baby??
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 03:48 PM 05-13-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelBee
He should treat them as his own...or he should not have married you. Know what I mean? It is a package deal.

I totally know what you mean..and I wish I'd known it was going to be this way before I married him...but I didn't. I didn't know we'd clash on so many discipline issues or I NEVER would have married him.

It's a long story, but a lot of times now I feel so stuck with him. He's from New Zealand and we're still in the immigration process after all this time and add to that that now we have a baby together (another long story there)..and I feel like I can't get out of it without devastating him. He has no one here and loves his son to no end, so he'd never go back to NZ without him.

I do love him and would feel horrible about taking his son away from him...but at the same time, I hate him in some ways.

It's very confusing I'm sure...not having all the facts and I don't want to bore anyone with long sob stories right off the bat

suffice it to say, I'm glad I found a place (that he doesn't know about) where I can air my frustrations....LOL
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 03:55 PM 05-13-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerlowyn
Jbugz, my family is the same setup. I have a DS from a previous relationship, DH had no kids when we met. We had our first child together 9 months after being married.

It was hard for me to let go of having total control over all things kid related. I was a single mom for 6 years. At first, before we married, DH was critical of the way I parented DS. But, as he got to know us better, he saw the big picture. It really clicked for him when DS2 became a toddler, and less mommy centered. He understood that when he met me and DS1, it was like reading a book but starting in the middle. With DS2, he saw how it all began. It has been hard at times to just let him be, and find his 'inner dad' and not tell him what to do. But, the more I do, the better dad he is, and he is one amaizing father for sure.

Have things changed any since your new baby??

Hi Kristina..and thank you for responding too.

Nothing has changed since we've had our son...but he's only 10 weeks old now and I have HIGH hopes that things WILL change. Otherwise, I can't see living with him forever. I love my girls too much to do that.

deleted by jbugz

I also wanted to add that you'll probably see me post about how wonderful he is at things. I don't want to give anyone the impression that he's abusive or anything of the sort. He would be the ideal husband if I had no kids. He loves me to no end and would give his life for me. He's a romantic to the core and does unbeleivable things...things most girls would melt over.

The only real issues we have are with my daughter and my ex..but those are HUGE to me.

When we have good times, they're the best...but when we fight, it's hell on wheels baby
Katt2005's Avatar Katt2005 06:15 PM 05-13-2005
Do you trust him with your kids?

If you do, then, step back a little and let him parent with you. Make him step up and parent all the time, not just when they do something he doesn't really like.
Be a team ALL THE TIME. If they see you guys fighting over what was just said to them, they won't listen to him. **HUGS**
Katt2005's Avatar Katt2005 06:37 PM 05-13-2005
Quote:
I was married to a guy who had no kids. It was very hard! I don't think you feel those special bonds and real love, until you have a kid of your own. Then you see it, and are able to give it to step kids too. He said it was like 24/7 babysitting. Although he was a jerk, so I don't know that what he said was credible.
just wanted to add, since its not in my sig, and i didn't really say it before. I have a DD with an ex, the man I married wasn't the dad and didn't have kids of his own. he always acted like she was my resposibility, but always put his 2 cents in, when he didn't like something I was doing. : I decided not to have kids with him, because of this. Cause I really felt it was cause she wasn't his. And I didn't want her to have to see what *good* dad does to there bio kids by having a baby together, if that makes sence. I thought he would treat them different, and I didn't want her to see it.
Flor's Avatar Flor 08:05 PM 05-13-2005
I am in the opposite boat (to mix metaphors) I was a single girl who married a very devoted dad. It reminded me of him the way you said you girls were laid back and fun before the marriage. . .dh, he's not that laid back but they were buddies, he and his son, always hanging out together, watching winnie the pooh and falling asleep on the couch at 8, eating dinner at his mom's house, etc. things did change pretty drastically when I came along. Not because we were suddenly a family and had to do family things or something, just that I picked up the slack that my MIL was doing at the time (cooking, child care, etc) and that change dss life quite dramatically.

It did take time to truly love my dss (he was 5 at the time, still in preschool) but I was always kind to him, even when I wasn't sure I LOVED him, because he is a child, he is my husbands darling child, and I don't fight with children. I mean, stepkid, cousin, neighbor, whatever, I would always try to be kind and patient with any child. That is the kind of person I am. How can your dh be a romantic when it would (I think) melt your heart the most for him to be kind and loving to your children?

You new child may help him learn to be a dad, or it might show you that you realy do have different parenting philosophies. When my ds was born, I realized I had been too lenient with dss. I didn't want my own child watching so much tv or eating so much sugar. I think it made me think about my own parenting style more and double check that dh and I are on the same page.


I am not saying that because I did love my stepson quickly that your dh must be bad or anything, just that your different parenting philosophies might come into play even when he does love the child.

Do you think it might be different for men, too?
I did have models for stepmamahood and I wanted to mother. Is it harder for a man to take on kids that aren't biologically his? I don't know, but my dh tells me he might have trouble doing what comes easier for me.
amydidit's Avatar amydidit 03:57 PM 05-14-2005
This is me too.

I have DD#1 from a previous relationship... I met DH (who has no children) when she was 6yrs, and he met her at her 7th bday party... she came to live with us (previously she'd been with my mom for financial reasons) right before she turned 8 and she took to him amazingly well... he loves her just like I would expect a bio-dad too... she's more attached to him than she is to me actually... thankfully that doesn't bother me... it makes her happy and she sooooo needs a good male figure in her life (her *father* sees her MAYBE 2-3 times a year, and then ignores her while he's visiting anyway)... DH and I are now expecting a DD together and my DD#1 couldn't be happier... she's adjusted really well to everything, even asking if DH could adopt her so he'd be her real dad instead of step-dad (we're going to pursue that as soon as financially possible)... and DH has taken to the daddy role better then I could've hoped... since he has no children (yet) of his own I wasn't sure how involved he'd be... I know he was nervous at first, but DD#1 kinda pulled him along with her... now he's so totally involved in everything with her... it's wonderful!
flapjack's Avatar flapjack 05:08 PM 05-15-2005
This is me too. My boys are 6 and 4 now- they were 3 and 1 when we got together, and my eldest and my dh keep on locking horns. He's a good parent, but the two of them just struggle to love each other and be a family.
hottmama's Avatar hottmama 08:33 PM 05-16-2005
I have a 2 yr. old from a previous relationship, my partner and I have been together for a year and a half (although we've been friends, confidantes, roommates, and even lovers on and off for the past 4.5 years), and I am now pregnant with our first child together (a girl, IMO!).
It bothers me that R (my partner) is not an equal parent, but he does do some things (like get up with J in the AM and feed him breakfast). I think things will change a lot after the baby's born.
Julian's dad is very involved, though, and generally has him 3 afternoons a week, and talks to him on the phone daily. So it's not like J needs a dad, ya know?
R agrees with me on parenting issues. He'll advocate for extended BFing, slings, cosleeping, anti-circ, anti-vax, cloth diapers, no TV, etc. in any situation. He is also pro-UC (woohoo) and in general just learns from me without putting up a fight as far as kids are concerned.
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 11:41 AM 05-17-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by hottmama
He is also pro-UC (woohoo) and in general just learns from me without putting up a fight as far as kids are concerned.
ahhhh you lucky duck

I only wish that DH would realize that how you felt you'd parent before you had kids is usually not the way it actually ends up happening. Before you have kids of your own, you really have no idea how much just loving them changes your perspective, and in turn (most times)...changes the way you treat and react to them. He doesn't have that perspective just yet...so we continue to clash.

Silliest's Avatar Silliest 07:12 PM 05-17-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz
I was just wondering how many are here that are in a blended family, where they are the bio mom and hubby has no kids from a previous marriage.
MEEEEE!!! I have a 4 year old and 2 year old, both girls. We left their dad in and moved straight in with NewGuy 24 hrs later. It wasn't quite as sordid as it sounds <grin> We were old friends who had dated before, and we didn't make any "getting together" plans until we let the kids scope him out and decide whether they liked him. It has worked out really well for the most part. I think he misses his alone-time, and spontaneity, but if I bring it up, he just rolls his eyes gently at me and says "Yeah, sure, it was nice, but I didn't know what I was missing back then. I could never go back to that life now."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz
I've been on a few other blended family boards and it seems the majority is always the other way (DH has biological kids) or a combination (both have bio's and have child rearing experience)
I've noticed that, too... hence me not checking into this forum until now

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz
I think the obstacles are different for those of us that are the bio mom and DH has no experience...at least as far as what specific problems we face. Like before DH and I had our son together (just this March) he didn't have kids and IMO..had no clue about what it was really like to be a father. That showed in his harsh parenting "techniques" and we had constant, horrendous fights over my girls, but he'd argue to the death that his "ways" would be better for the girls in the long run.
We've had some rough sailing, too... mostly, when we got together, it was with the understanding that we were *not* a couple, and he was not wooing *me* when I moved in. His focus was on getting to know the kids, letting them get to know him, and my focus was on watching them all like a paranoid hawk for any signs that my babies might not be happy with him as a daddy.

We moved in so fast because ( <ahem> you'll love this part ) my ex is a New Zealander. When we got together, he *swore* we'd be coming back to Texas to raise the kids (I *totally* hear you about immigration. Immigrating to NZ sucks, too.) 5 years later, I came back with them and without him :-/

We were all living in NZ when the marriage ended. Ex said he wanted to "make a clean break and get on with our lives" didn't want contact with the kids, and refused to pay support (he's unemplyed and not worth more than 10 bucks a week, anyway, so I didn't bother arguing. If he wanted nothing to do with the kids, I'd rather *not* be taking money from him.) Ex also said he was leaving NZ to live in another country where he also has citizenship. So faced with the prospect of raising my kids alone in a nice, but foreign country, surrounded by *his* family, who thought I was the bad guy in the breakup, and who always bugged the shit out of me anyway, having no contact with him, no job, no car, a rural house... screw that! I came back to *my* home!

My current SO, when heard that I was separated and on the way "home" made if very clear that he wanted me, *and* the kids, and was willing to jump thorough any flaming hoops we could throw at him <grin>. Rather than trying to get off the plane and find a place to live and a job and abandon the kids to full time daycare when they're used to *2* SAHPs, and everything else they know has just gone out the window, I decided to move in with him for a while, and then I'd at least be able to scope things out before I *had* to stand on my own two feet.

Things went much better than I anticipated, though

He was raised by an in-home-daycare provider, and lived there for a while as an adult while going to college. He's been *around* kids a lot, which is great! But he hasn't ever had a parent-child *relationship* before, and despite his childcare experience, which made him pretty cocky at first, he has really been astonished at how different it is being The Dad.

I mostly stay the hell out of the way and let them grow their own relationships. When he has an idea that I think is just *too* whacked, I try to be "minimally invasive" and suggest the *least* amount of change required to keep the kids, me, the dog, and him (in that order) safe and away from total meltdown.
When he has ideas that are lovely and wonderful and really are things that only babysitters and grandparents can get away with ("Oh, go on, let 'em have a whole bag of gummi bears and an orange soda-pop for lunch! What will it hurt!?") As long as it's not gonna hurt anyone, I back off and let him learn from experience. He's pretty quick on the uptake He thought my crunchy ways were pretty odd at first, but I didn't push them on him, and he's slowly begun to see why I do them, and has even adopted some himself. No nagging required ;->

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz
Of course all blended families (and families in general) have different problems...no family is the same...but I'd really like to know how many are in a similar boat ....cuz I feel this ship might sink at any moment
FWIW, I think that your feelings and issues here are not so much related to being a stepfamily as they are related to being in a not-so-good relationship. I *was* married to the girls' biodad, and *his* relationship with them and me sounds a lot more like your present relationship than my present step-family does.

Two books sealed the fate of my previous marriage:
Co-Dependent no More
Self Assertion for Women

I highly recommend them... and marriage counseling.

A family... Even a stepfamily... does *not* have to be like that.

(my ex refused counseling, which was another sign as far as I was concerned)
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 10:24 AM 05-18-2005
Hey Selena..and thanks so much for that great reply. It really is amazing what we have in common :LOL

Two girls, two years apart, married a kiwi, etc

I only wish I had the problem of him doing things like allowing them to eat a bag of gummi bears...LOL...he'd NEVER see that as an ok thing to do

I guess right now I'm just in a waiting game because even with all of his bad points in regards to my girlies, I do care about him a great deal (and even love him when things are going smoothly....LOL) so there's no way I could take his only son away from him by divorcing him and giving him no choice but to return to NZ. He wanted this baby VERY badly. So I wait for the AOS process to finish and then he'll be on his own in the US if things don't change by then.

Things actually have gotten just a tad better lately. After some horrible fights just recently, we've changed to a hands off approach as far as he's concerned with the girls. I handle everything with them and he stays out of it. It's not great, because even though he has been shutting the heck up about stuff...he now does the quiet sulky, make everyone tense thing instead ..but it's better than constantly seeing my girls be "put in their place" :
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 10:29 AM 05-18-2005
oh...I had another question about your ex-kiwi. Did he constantly say things like "well that's not how we do it in New Zealand" ???

Mine is always making it sound like he knows how everyone in NZ raises kids (and they apparently all do it exactly the same way) ...and none of them would dare to do it the way I do

I think he really believes that everyone there puts their kids to bed promptly at 8:30 and none of the kids would even dream of getting up after that.

Also, no kid in NZ is allowed to have a TV in their room or to own their own portable CD player..oh...and no kid in NZ would have to be told twice...is that right??
rebeccalizzie's Avatar rebeccalizzie 04:36 PM 05-18-2005
Me! Me!!! I hear you that most stepfamily boards seem to be either both spouses with kids, or just DH has kids and DW is stepmom. DH had no kids, he and I met when DD was 2, started dating when she was 3, engaged when she was 4 (and moved in together) and married when she was 5 :LOL We've been married 3 and a half years now.

It took a while. I pretty much had all the say since she was "my" DD in the beginning, and it has just kind of...evolved...from there. Her biological father is not involved, and DH adopted her two years ago so that has helped. My problem was more the "hands off" thing--I was used to being a single mom, and I liked it, but I was ready for more help, and hands off meant he didn't really do a lot with her.

It was just a gradual thing...gradually he felt more comfortable being her father, and gradually he "fit" more into our family. I tried to let him make parenting decisions without my input, and that helped, but if I didn't agree with his overall parenting style I don't know what I would have done. He's a little stricter than I am, but not to the point where I'm uncomfortable, and he really does love DD a whole lot.

Anyway, I hope it works out for you...it was definitely "two steps forward and one step back" for us for the first few years.
Silliest's Avatar Silliest 05:45 PM 05-18-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz
Hey Selena..and thanks so much for that great reply. It really is amazing what we have in common :LOL

Two girls, two years apart, married a kiwi, etc

I only wish I had the problem of him doing things like allowing them to eat a bag of gummi bears...LOL...he'd NEVER see that as an ok thing to do
My ex was like your kiwi. No fun :-/
Newguy is the classic "fun dad" type, which can be a PITA in some ways, but overall, it's a *huge* improvement

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz
I guess right now I'm just in a waiting game because even with all of his bad points in regards to my girlies, I do care about him a great deal (and even love him when things are going smoothly....LOL) so there's no way I could take his only son away from him by divorcing him and giving him no choice but to return to NZ. He wanted this baby VERY badly. So I wait for the AOS process to finish and then he'll be on his own in the US if things don't change by then.
Sounds like a plan. I hope it doesn't drag out too long for you. Immigration policy *sucks* over here

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz
Things actually have gotten just a tad better lately. After some horrible fights just recently, we've changed to a hands off approach as far as he's concerned with the girls. I handle everything with them and he stays out of it. It's not great, because even though he has been shutting the heck up about stuff...he now does the quiet sulky, make everyone tense thing instead ..but it's better than constantly seeing my girls be "put in their place" :
Argh. That's the way things were for the last year of my marriage only they were *his* girls, too, and I *did* take them away from him in the end. (with his blessings... until he found out about Newguy)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz
oh...I had another question about your ex-kiwi. Did he constantly say things like "well that's not how we do it in New Zealand" ???

Mine is always making it sound like he knows how everyone in NZ raises kids (and they apparently all do it exactly the same way) ...and none of them would dare to do it the way I do
Well, we were *in* New Zealand for 4 years, so he didn't so much say it as criticize whatever I was doing... usually non-verbally... I honestly didn't realize how much of my own ill health and depression was basically from being abused. I didn't realize that all the non-verbal manipulative crap *was* abuse. It's been eye-opening.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbugz

I think he really believes that everyone there puts their kids to bed promptly at 8:30 and none of the kids would even dream of getting up after that.

Also, no kid in NZ is allowed to have a TV in their room or to own their own portable CD player..oh...and no kid in NZ would have to be told twice...is that right??
OMG!!! He's not from NZ, he's from *mars* I never met *one* kid/family in NZ who fit his bizarre descriptions <LOL!>

Things that *are* different in NZ.
The plumbing sucks.
The maternity care system rocks.
Kids go barefoot more often.
There's maybe a bit less materialism.
But then again, there's less availability of things that are actually *useful.

Where is he from, in NZ? My ex grew up in the Hutt Valley, and we lived in Napier, and the Horowhenua region (sorta near Wellington).

Maybe some of his garbage is a regional thing?
ared1's Avatar ared1 05:56 PM 05-18-2005
ME! I married a younger man (only by 6 years) My DD was 5 when we got married he was 25. There were days that I felt like I was refereeing (sp??) 2 five year olds! We now have 2 sons together and it is better, but still not like I wanted.
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 12:41 PM 05-19-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katt2005
Do you trust him with your kids?

If you do, then, step back a little and let him parent with you. Make him step up and parent all the time, not just when they do something he doesn't really like.
Be a team ALL THE TIME. If they see you guys fighting over what was just said to them, they won't listen to him. **HUGS**

Hey Katt. I'm sorry I didn't respond to this earlier. I'm just now seeing it...DOH

I do trust him with the kids physically but not so much mentally if that makes sense. I don't believe for one second that he'd purposely do anything to physically harm them, but I've seen how he deals with them in the discipline category and I really think it's degrading and hurtful to my 7 year old mainly. He has no patience with her and talks very sternly to her...but will deal with the exact same behavior with just a joking little warning to the 5 year old.

He can be really wonderful to them too tho. He plays video games with them and takes them outside to play ball and things like that. So i'm not saying it's horrible 100% of the time....I just HATE seeing my daughter so upset, he can just break her heart sometimes...and to know that she also sees the difference in how they're treated just makes it even worse.
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 12:47 PM 05-19-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebeccalizzie
Me! Me!!! I hear you that most stepfamily boards seem to be either both spouses with kids, or just DH has kids and DW is stepmom. DH had no kids, he and I met when DD was 2, started dating when she was 3, engaged when she was 4 (and moved in together) and married when she was 5 :LOL We've been married 3 and a half years now.

It took a while. I pretty much had all the say since she was "my" DD in the beginning, and it has just kind of...evolved...from there. Her biological father is not involved, and DH adopted her two years ago so that has helped. My problem was more the "hands off" thing--I was used to being a single mom, and I liked it, but I was ready for more help, and hands off meant he didn't really do a lot with her.

It was just a gradual thing...gradually he felt more comfortable being her father, and gradually he "fit" more into our family. I tried to let him make parenting decisions without my input, and that helped, but if I didn't agree with his overall parenting style I don't know what I would have done. He's a little stricter than I am, but not to the point where I'm uncomfortable, and he really does love DD a whole lot.

Anyway, I hope it works out for you...it was definitely "two steps forward and one step back" for us for the first few years.

I think our "blending" might have gone a whole lot better if my DH had done like yours and made it a gradual thing..instead, he just jumped right in and started requesting rule changes. He never seemed to understand the need for them to just have a get to know you/love you period before him trying to parent them :

I hope we can somehow turn out like you after a few years (we've already been married almost 2, so not much longer to fix )... I'd love nothing more than to be able to have a more quiet, less stressful life with the man who is so wonderful to me in so many other ways.
Jbugz's Avatar Jbugz 12:49 PM 05-19-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by ared1
ME! I married a younger man (only by 6 years) My DD was 5 when we got married he was 25. There were days that I felt like I was refereeing (sp??) 2 five year olds! We now have 2 sons together and it is better, but still not like I wanted.

LOL...someone else I have something in common with :LOL

DH is 7 years younger than me and I feel the same...like I'm now faced with the job of raising him too...but of course he thinks he's extremely mature
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